Karl.......Karl......Karl.......KARL!!!"
 Woo
woo woo woo... Coming... Woo woo woo woo... Almost there...
Woo woo woo woo... What is it boss? I heard you holler.
Sit
down, Karl. My goodness, you look a little red in the face. You feelin okay?
Doing
fine, boss. Just a little winded. I ran all the way from the Executive
Office Building.
And
it took you seventeen seconds? We got to get you in shape there, boy. No
room for laggards in this man's White House. Now take a load off. Here,
wanna forty-ounce? It's an eight ball.
An
eight ball?
Yeah,
Turd Blossom, an Olde English 800. High gravity. Get with it Karl. That's
what Easy E drinks. Tupac too, God rest his soul. Anyway, I hear you've got
the latest ratings.
Uh...
Oops, I guess I left them at the Capitol. Hold on... Woo woo woo woo... Look
out Doris, I'm coming through... Woo woo woo woo... Hey buddy, learn how to
drive... Woo woo woo woo... Hey, Denny, seen my papers? Great! Thanks... Woo
woo woo woo... Coming, boss...
Woo woo woo woo... Almost there... Woo woo woo woo... Whew. I guess
I'm ready for that forty now.
Here
you go. Hold on, I'll get you a clean paper bag... Now, I'm looking for some
good news, Karl, I'm looking for some rocking good news.
 And
good news you shall have. Let's see what we've got. Okay, here's the
CBS / New York Times poll... and it shows you running at a very strong
34% job approval...
I'd
rather be president that be popular.
Fortunate,
that... and, mmm... your core is holding well. Only a little drift there.
This says that 52% of conservatives still think you're doing a good job.
That's
over half!
Indeed
it is. And really, the best news of all is that this is a CBS / New York
Times poll, so we can be pretty darn sure that their numbers are skewed.
Make
sure you include that in the official talking points file. What else do you
have? Getting any good vibrations from the trooperoonies?
Yes
sir, there is some new data on the trooperoonies. The
new Zogby poll
shows that 72% of our forces think that we should get the hell out of Iraq
by the end of the year.
But
not all of those want to leave immediately, do they?
Not
at all, not at all. Only 29% feel that way, while another 43% are willing to
give you six months or so. And of course, there's the 28% who would like to
stay until Hell freezes over.
Bless
their hearts. That's the sort of spirit that makes your heart swell with
pride. But I tell you what, Karl. Don't just give me the good news. I'm the
'take charge president'. I want the good and the bad.
Okay,
then... This
new BBC poll of over 40,000 people in thirty-five countries says that
60% of the responders believe that you've caused terror attacks to be more
likely, against just 12% who think terrorist attacks have become less
likely.
Wow.
WOW! You're telling me that there's 28% who don't have an opinion? Oh my
God, Karl, that's a lot of potential hearts and minds that we can win over.
Well you have made my day, Rovester. It's just one good news story after
another... Why do you think the news media never focus on the positive side
of things?
I
really couldn't tell you, sir. They must be missing a large piece of spine. |
