FGAQ: Big Universe So big you can fit anything inside.

Last updated: 2/8/2004; 10:39:03 AM

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Thursday, January 29, 2004   At the Mall [under the influence of Iraq & too much Monty Python] Man: Pardon me, Miss. I’d like to buy a good scaring. Clerk: Aww, you’re looking for the Fear Factory, aren’t you? They’re all the way down at the other end of the mall. Man: This is the House of Emotion, is it not? Clerk: Yes it is. Good day, what can I do for you sir? Man: Well, as I was just saying, I’m interested in a good frightening. I was wondering if you could scare my socks off. Clerk: Fraid we can’t do that sir. Not in our inventory. Man: Oh, I understand. Listen, price is no object to me. Look here my good woman, here’s a twenty for you if you’ll just double check… I’m sure you have something frightening. Clerk: Well, I’ll just take a look under the counter then, maybe there’s a little something you’d fancy back here…. Doo dee doo doh, doo dee doo doh… [The shop door is suddenly flung open, and three Cardinals rush in with swords above their heads] Cardinals: ROOOOO! Man: My goodness. I didn’t expect this. Lead Cardinal: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is suprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Man: Stop it, stop it right now. You’re turning this whole thing into a farce. Clerk: You didn’t like that? Man: It’s not a question of liking it or not, is it? They certainly did surprise me, I’ll grant you that. [Cardinals turn and skulk away] But I’m not here for a surprise, am I? I distinctly told you I wanted a good frightening, and at this point I am not the slightest bit afraid, Clerk: Not the slightest bit? Man: Not the slightest bit. My predominant emotion at the moment seems to be one of impatience. Now listen, I’m a bit rushed for time, and I would appreciate it very much if you would hurry up and throw the fear of God into me. Clerk: I see. You’d like a little something in a nice religious awe, then. Man: I want you to frighten me. I want to be jolted, panicked. Terrify me, woman. Frighten the bejesus out of me. Horrified is the word I’m looking for, I want to be petrified with fear. Clerk: I’m sorry. You want the Fear Factory. Other end of the mall, take a right beside the Orange Julius, you’ll see it. Man: This is the House of Emotion and you can’t frighten me? Clerk: Well, that’s not really an emotion is it? Fear, I mean. More of a response, I’d say. You know, fight or flight, all that. It’s an anticipation or awareness of danger, like if I were to try and kill you. Here, now, take this card. This is for the Fear Factory, it’s at the… Man: Other end of the mall. Clerk: Right beside the Orange Julius. Ask for Saddam. Man: Will he try to kill me? Clerk: He might. Man: He might? Now see here, I want a good scare. What good is ‘He might’? Clerk: It doesn’t matter as long as you believe he will. Man: This is a mall! In the middle of town! Full of people. Just how am I supposed to believe he will? Clerk: Now that I can help you with.                                                                              2/14/03 7:33:09 PM    on the other hand  [] DARKPROFITS Many people are searching for info on Dark Profits today, and at first I was not sure why. I couldn’t log into their scary website at www.darkprofits.com either, and I’m guessing their traffic and their bandwidth are miles apart. They apparently sent out another mass mailing today which has people trying to hunt them down and insert a funky boot up their posteriors.  I wrote about Dark Profits a few months ago, but those notes have since been swallowed up…  Here is the part that I know. Dark Profits is a closed organization that I am thinking is related to marketing, and it’s a good guess that they may be primarily involved in the seedier side of web commerce. At any rate, if you visit their site, you will find a lot of private forums, a notice which states that they are no longer accepting new members, and practically no other information. They are well positioned to become an urban legend, and have been unsatisfactorily noted in debunker site Snopes. Snopes doesn’t really have much information about Dark Profits itself. It's all third person. Their information consists primarily of a couple of  'well-known'  ‘Joe Jobs’ directed at DarkProfits. (A joe job is defined as ‘an attempt to pin blame on an uninvolved third party by forging messages in their name’.) In other words, an attempt to get people pissed at Dark Profits. But why? Why would you get pissed at a faceless, nameless organization? Possibly if you got an email that outraged you. Take a look at this piece, which if memory serves me well was sent out about a year and a half ago. Now to me, this piece seems  ridiculous, what with it’s offer of liquid heroin and gay slaves (plus free, a pack of 2 CDs, with best selection of child pornography.) But to the right sort of person, your Bill O’Reilly type who sees the internet as the most unfortunate and lowly of necessary evils, this letter could cause serious mind blowage. Much more effective, I think, is this mailing, which rouses fear of credit card theft and trouble at the office. This is a classic beauty of a credit card scam, and it’s a fair bet that whoever was behind it scored at least a few good numbers. Now, here is an interesting piece of info. Snopes is not the only one buying into the ‘Joe Job’ line of thinking. Either I’m missing a few marbles, or the rest of the world is. (What are my odds?) People poke around, investigate, google, and they come up with more link from darkprofits.com which says, in effect, ‘it wasn’t us’, about as satisfactory a response as you would get from asking Dick Cheney if he was in cahoots with Big Energy. Check this from The Rantmaster’s Weblog. Googling 'darkprofits' got me an interesting link. According to this, this spam was not sent out by Darkprofits.com at all but by a disgruntled member trying to get them in trouble… A second link turned up that this issue has already been investigated, both by the ISP that hosts Darkprofits.com, and by the FBI. Apparently, they've been up to this for even longer than I was aware of.  Well, okay, it looks like Darkprofits.com is in the clear. Mmmkay. But who and what are Dark Profits? AHROOOO!   7:30:56 PM    on the other hand  []