Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Chief Justice Rehnquist, age 108, says that he still feels competent. Showing once again that they have opinions on darn near everything, sixty percent of Americans say that there should be a mandatory retirement age for Supreme Court justices. Only one of the justices currently serving is under 65 years old, and Chief Justice Rehnquist recently celebrated his 108th birthday. Interestingly, fifty-nine percent of those surveyed had no idea who Rehnquist was. The chief justice sighed heavily upon hearing this. "Hey, it's not easy being me," he said. "Why, I'm so old that when I was in school, they didn't even teach history. Sheesh. As a young law student, my first big break was helping to write the fourth commandment. I'm old I tell ya, some days it just doesn't pay to get up. I got a traffic ticket yesterday for driving too slow; the cop asks me for ID and I show him a rock. Yeah, but most of the time that's not a problem. I'm so old bartenders check my pulse instead of my ID." 10:05:13 AM    comment []

Detainees Out to Destroy Troop Morale A detainee wires himself up in an attempt to embarrass prison guards ...and the news comes to us from UPI that 23 Islamic detainees attempted to thwart justice at the Guantanamo Bay prison in the summer of 2003 by hanging themselves. Lt. Col. Jim Marshall, speaking on behalf of the U.S. Southern Command, said the hangings were "a coordinated effort to disrupt camp operations and challenge a new group of security guards". Whether their efforts at disruption were successful or not is unknown. Their actions are significant, however, as part of a growing trend among detainees to damage American morale by repeatedly assaulting, humiliating, and torture themselves. "It's systemic," continued Marshall, "an escalation of what we witnessed at Abbie Grabbie. Things started off innocently enough there, with detainees showing up at the chow hall with panties on their head. Yeah, that was weird, but we let it pass for a while. Before you knew it, they were out their forming naked pyramids in the exercise yard. They really got out of hand with their behavior, running into walls, and sometimes going as far as jumping into the prison swimming pool with doors on their backs. Sheesh. Talk about a morale problem. But I guess at the end of the day torture is part of their heritage, kind of like baseball is for us." 9:58:22 AM    comment []

© Copyright 2005 Mark Hoback. Last update: 8/12/2005; 10:33:17 AM.