Monday, January 09, 2006

Former Jackson Jurors Punked on MSNBC Jurors Eleanor Cook and Ray Hultman, appearing on MSNBC's 'Live and Direct' are unaware that Michael Jackson is eavesdropping on their conversation! Entertainer Michael Jackson began his long awaited comeback today when he appeared on MSNBC's 'Live and Direct' with Rita Crosby. Jackson appeared on a segment in which he 'punked' two jurors from his recent molestation trials. Eleanor Cook and Ray Hultman, sniffing their last fleeting chance for celebrity, were on the show to promote their (possible) book offerings, which promise to detail the fact that Michael was guilty as hell and they knew it all along. "No doubt in my mind whatsoever, that boy was molested, and I also think he enjoyed to some degree being Michael Jackson's toy," Cook said, unaware that Jackson was peaking out from behind her chair, occasionally making devil horns above her head. The studio audience, which had been told about the prank before hand, were unable to contain their laughter, even though they had been asked to by the producer. "What the hell are you people laughing about," asked Cook, who's book, if it ever sees the light of day, would be titled 'Guilty as Sin, Free as a Bird'. "There are some little boys out there who think it's cool to be diddled by rich pop stars, and there are some pop stars who think it's cool to..." Ms Cooks remarks were drowned out by laughter at this point, as Jackson moonwalked behind her chair, grabbing his crotch and making a cry-baby face. Hultman fared no better when it was time to promote his imaginary book, titled 'Yet To Be Titled'. "People just wouldn't take their blinders off long enough to really look at all the evidence that was there," he said. "I know I didn't. No. Yes. Yes I did, but the other jurors threatened me. They coerced me to vote against my will all fourteen times." The audience went into hysterics as Jackson rolled his eyes and twirled his index finger around his ear in the international symbol for 'crazy old man'. 8:53:09 PM    comment []

Next US Agent Wally Baxter runs reconnaissance outside of Zanjan rock depository WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The Bush administration has been carrying out secret reconnaissance missions to learn about nuclear, chemical and missile sites in Iran in preparation for possible airstrikes there, journalist Seymour Hersh said Sunday. The effort has been under way at least since last summer, Hersh said on CNN's "Late Edition." "That's just crazy talk," said White House Communications Director Dan Bartlett. "If we were carrying out secret missions, that would mean that nobody knew about them. So if CNN is reporting on any missions, well, ipso facto, know what I mean?" "Besides - reality check here - who are you going to believe, the United States government or some guy named Seymour? You know what most people think of when they hear the name Seymour? Seymour Butts! Yeah, and then they just can't take them seriously at all... Think about it. This Hersh fellow seems to be totally obsessed with butts. What was his last story? That's right, Abbie Grabbie, and all those pictures of dogs biting terrorists on the butt, and terrorists making butt pyramids, and on and on ad nauseum. Sheesh. The American people are in to values, not butts." "Getting back to the issue, what we do know is that the Iranians are harboring huge stockpiles of deadly projectile rocks, many of which seem to be making their way into the hands of militant Palestinians. I won't deny that we've issued strong warnings to Tehran telling them that they must dispose of these rocks with great expediency, or else. You know what 'or else' means? Of course you don't. It's a secret." 8:47:17 PM    comment []

© Copyright 2006 Mark Hoback. Last update: 1/29/2006; 10:42:49 AM.