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Tuesday, February 10, 2004 |
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...i don't think he really cares that much.....
It’s real strange how these stories play out. Way back in the year 2000, almost exactly four years ago, the tale of George W Bush’s Big Adventure in the National Guard was a non-starter. I wasn’t much interested in it, and neither were his opponents, including Al Gore, who had served in Vietnam. (And please don’t tell me Gore was just a photographer – whether you’re a cook or a corpsman, there is no safe place in a war zone.) Military experience no longer seemed like an important consideration.
Bush’s service record, and his evasions on the details was ludicrous – a rich, irresponsible kid with a powerful daddy, who was able to jump in front of 500 other Texas boys who also would have given their left nut to get into the National Guard but didn’t have the sort of pull that being a Bush would give you. So he got into the Guard and even that was too much of a strain for the lad, so he just quit showing up.
Laughable, but here’s the rub. Our president, Bill Clinton, who we secularists just adore, had equally laughable machinations on the topic of draft avoidance. The truth is that most people just did not care: the consensus opinion has long been that Vietnam was a bloody mess, a tragic political war, and anybody who missed it, hey, more power to them.
The political effect of 911 was to raise the focus on terrorism and to illuminate the significance of defense.
The political effect of three plus years of the Bush administration has been to raise our focus on war and to illuminate the significance of experience.
“I’m a war president,” Bush told the nation on Sunday, and it’s a theme he repeats almost every time he speaks. But he’s not a war president; he’s a president who has embroiled us in a war, and that’s not the same thing at all.
In 1972, I was in boot camp and had no idea what the future would bring. I had no acceptable choice other than to be there, but truth be told, I had my plans. I had a training specialty that was guaranteed to keep me out of combat as long as my scores were high enough. (And believe me, ain’t nothing like the prospect of being a field medic out in the jungle to make you study your hardest).
Meanwhile Lieutenant Bush was transferring from the Texas National Guard to a special unit in Alabama. This was the Bermuda Triangle Unit, where a young pilot could simply and abruptly disappear without a trace until they suddenly popped out a year later with an acceptance letter from Harvard and a mysterious ability to “work it out with the military.” Which was one cool trick back then, since the military was not prone to “work it out” with anybody.
It’s pretty obvious that even if Bush is telling the truth and he never missed a drill, this is pretty thin experience for a “war president”. See, the man has never, ever had to learn any discipline. No patience. No insight.
Whatever Bush wants, he wants it now. His daddy worked for it. Junior, shit. He wants what he wants. (Politics aside, he will set the conservatives back twenty years.) It’s a life long pattern. The boy just has to win. One, two judges denied, time to fight. A hundred million, a couple trillion trimmed from his tax plans, got to fight.
Well, now, he got his war, which is a battle that any true “war president” would have avoided at all costs. Now he’s got to run off and abandon it, leaving behind a room full of ripped up toys.
I don’t know. Ever had a girlfriend that just could not be satisfied? You felt something, but not enough… just too immature, you say.
Ah, fuck it.
Scene from the home, fifty year hence; “we tried for brain function. We did try. We wanted to improve on the Reagan model… We felt so sorry for that one… He was a kind man. Still got the brain...”
“We did really feel sorry for the new joker, but it was... a lot… different. How much could we really care?” |
7:40:01 PM 
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Monday, February 09, 2004 |
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Get Ready for the Culture War
I’ve been wondering how this year will play out politically in America. I’ve been watching for signs, waiting for clues. And the problem is that there are far too many of both. Me, I’m hoping for an amusing end to the world, since I really don’t write all that well about the serious stuff.
For the longest time I thought that 2004 would be a year of manufactured crisis – I am sorry to reveal that I actually do believe that ‘the powers that be’ would not be the slightest bit reluctant to pull a good round of terror out of their ass if necessary. Not that they would be happy about it, mind you, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.
The Powers That Be. That is one classic of a paranoid phrase for you, and I think that I really need to expand on it if I wish to maintain my illusion of sanity. So let me turn to Bill O’Reilly, (the official no spin spokesman for ‘the powers that be’) as he explains to us how the armies are lined up in the countdown to the culture wars.
“Traditionalists are lined up against secularists. The traditionalists believe the country was founded on Judeo-Christian philosophy and that philosophy should be celebrated publicly. The secularists believe no mention of spirituality is appropriate in a public arena.”
Let that be our definition of ‘the powers that be’. The powers are the traditionalists – Bush, Cheney, Ashcroft, and all their fellow travelers and enablers. And the secularists – that would be John Kerry, Janet Jackson, Leatherface, and me – are not in power, but give us an inch, and brother we’re going to take a mile. If it feels good do it, that’s our motto.
It’s easy (and fun!) to make fun of O’Reilly, and I hope to spend a lot more time doing just that in the future. But for now, let’s check the battle plans for the revolution.
“Powerful forces like The New York Times, some network news broadcasters, well-funded far left Web sites, and other organized forces have combined to drive the secular agenda into a very powerful lobby. Although the majority of Americans are traditionalists, the most persistent voices being heard are on the secular side.”
Wow! I think that should clarify just why we secularists need an agenda – it’s a matter of life and death.
“The secularists in America have an agenda. They want total personal freedom. That means no judgments about anyone's behavior. They want legalized drugs, gay marriage, soft criminal penalties, and rehabilitation in prisons instead of punishment.”
I should point out, as an Official Secular Blogger (OSB), that we would also like bilingual education, child prostitution, boobies at the Superbowl, and beer at McDonalds. No, scratch that. I think we would probably do away with the Superbowl and substitute naked skateboarding in it’s place.
I wonder what would happen if we could only take the God factor out of the country. It might just make our evil agenda a little easier to impose…
“If you take the God factor out of the country, that agenda is easier to impose. But that would lead to social chaos. Last night, I told you about a guy who lit up a marijuana cigarette in front of two young boys at a rock concert. Now I made the idiot put it out, but he didn't want to. And if drugs ever become legalized, he'll be able to blow that pot smoke right in your kids' face. Is that the kind of society you want, where any kind of boorish behavior is acceptable?”
Maybe I’m wrong, but right now I’ve got the feeling that this is going to be the battlefield in 2004. Democrats are feeling good, thinking that they are on the right side of all the issues; jobs, Iraq, health care, and on and on…
But who says the entire conversation isn’t changing, leaving us alone and talking to ourselves? People are so easy to distract, so easy to rile up. Janet Jackson’s right breast may be a more important campaign issue than basic health care. Saying ‘under God’ in the Pledge of allegiance will probably be a more important issue than stopping the spread of AIDS. Gay marriage will be a bigger issue than leading the country to war under false pretenses. And bottom line, lets not forget who we are really fighting.
"And if you still don't believe me, consider this. Halloween is a few days away, and a first grade teacher in Biloxi, Miss., has already held a costume party for her class. One little boy came dressed as a pimp, complementing another little girl made up to be a whore. Somewhere the Devil is grinning." |
4:04:17 PM
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Saturday, January 31, 2004 |
Bend Over Rush, and Let Annie Take Over
This is a tale of two pundits. Three if you count Hannity. But nobody counts Hannity.
So the other night I absolutely had to watch the Hannity and Milquetoast show, there was no other option. It was a special Twofer Tuesday, two maniacs for the cost of one, three if you count Hannity, although no one really counts Hannity. Not only did we get to hear Pat Robertson talking about God’s election day predictions (predictions or predestinations? It’s the old free will question all over again.), but we got to see my little cactus flower, former bass player for Deep Purple and political pundit, Ann ‘The Man’ Coulter.
I’ve got to give Coulter credit, even though the guy on the show who’s not Hannity says she was ‘mean’. (Ohh, that really stings.) Amidst giggles and glee, Coulter launched an absolutely brutal attack on John Kerry, becoming the first NeoCon to use the meme ‘Would You Want a Kept Man for President’. It was particularly effective because not only did it adhere to a cynical interpretation of actual facts, it was also an argument that could only be used effectively by a woman. (What Ann calls the ‘Chattering Class’.) She followed up the next day with a column entitled ‘Just a Gigolo’, portions of which follow.
…For over 30 years, Kerry's primary occupation has been stalking lonely heiresses. Not to get back to his combat experience, but Kerry sees a room full of wealthy widows as "a target-rich environment." This is a guy whose experience dealing with tax problems is based on spending his entire adult life being supported by rich women. What does a kept man know about taxes?
In 1970, Kerry married into the family of Julia Thorne -- a family estimated to be worth about $300 million. She got depressed, so he promptly left her and was soon seen catting around with Hollywood starlets, mostly while the cad was still married. (Apparently, JFK really was his mentor.) Thorne is well-bred enough to say nothing ill of her Lothario ex-husband. He is, after all, the father of her children -- a fact that never seemed to constrain him.
When Kerry was about to become the latest Heinz family charity, he sought to have his marriage to Thorne annulled, despite the fact that it had produced two children. It seems his second meal ticket, Teresa Heinz, wanted the first marriage annulled -- and Heinz is worth more than $700 million. Kerry claims he will stand up to powerful interests, but he can't even stand up to his wife.
…The Democrats' joy at nominating Kerry is perplexing. To be sure, liberals take a peculiar, wrathful pleasure in supporting pacifist military types. And Kerry's life story is not without a certain feral aggression. But if we're going to determine fitness for office based on life experience, Kerry clearly has no experience dealing with problems of typical Americans since he is a cad and a gigolo living in the lap of other men's money.
Kerry is like some character in a Balzac novel, an adventurer twirling the end of his mustache and preying on rich women. This low-born poseur with his threadbare pseudo-Brahmin family bought a political career with one rich woman's money, dumped her, and made off with another heiress to enable him to run for president. If Democrats want to talk about middle-class tax cuts, couldn't they nominate someone who hasn't been a poodle to rich women for past 33 years?
What a vicious vulgar woman, wouldn’t you agree? Coulter definitely seems to be the kind of girl who would be more comfortable with horses than with people. And under the reign of King George, it would appear that being a classist pig is cool again for the first time in my many years: Thorne is ‘well-bred’, Kerry is ‘low-born. Beyond any sense of decorum, but once again I gotta say, not beyond a certain twisted logic and reliance on what are indisputable facts.
And let me reiterate a previous point – this is an implicitly feminine argument. No man, no real man would make this case, whether they believed it or not. No matter how effective of a smear it might be. Hannity instinctively knew this, and for once in his sorry life resisted piling on.
This is Ann Coulter, folks, and from her we can expect no better. But just where exactly does this leave our favorite pill-popper Rush ‘I’ll only do it till I go deaf’ Limbaugh. He follows up the next day with his me-too column, ‘John F Kerry – Out of Touch Millionaire Gigolo’.
Limbaugh, who has taken to calling the candidate John F*ing Kerry, starts out thusly: “Not only are Democrats hypocrites for encouraging poverty to make poor people dependent, but Kerry defines privilege! He's the richest man in the Senate!” The totality of the rest of his piece is quotes from the Coulter piece. This is his way of saying what Ann says without having it attributed to him. That way he can avoid being called a little bitch by people like me. Cause I would. I’d call him a little bitch in a second if he were to say something like that. But you know, Rush, you ain’t worth it. |
11:54:57 AM
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Wednesday, January 28, 2004 |
| New Hampshire Surprise: Kucinich Surges to 6th!
"Go go Dennis. He ain't no menace" That was the sentiment amongst New Hampshireans yesterday as they elevated presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich into sixth place. "I'm moving, I'm moving now," said the sickly looking vegetarian as he prepared to joint the Kucinich Karavan (2 VW Beetles and a mini-van) on a Kruise to Karolina.
"Although it may be ungentlemanly of me to say so, I'm glad that I beat Reverend Al like a red-headed step child. And let's not forget for a minute, he had the black vote. I am double S double wide psyched! As the great American singer Willie Nelson once sang, 'You can have your chicken fingers, All I want's a heart that's free'. I'm, I'm... I'm gonna explode! Yeeee-ahhhh!"
Asked if that wasn't Howard Dean's line, Kucinich replied "No. No it's not."
Although the rise of Kucinich isn't the only New Hampshire surprise, although it is the only one we plan on discussing in this piece. When asked if he was concerned about the fact that Kucinich had pulled within eight percentage points of him, Senator Joe Lieberman (who at one time was a heartbeat away from being a heartbeat away from being president) replied "Quite frankly, I am. It's very dispiriting, but I am committed to campaigning until next Tuesday. Not that it will do a damn bit of good, because Dennis, I think, is unstoppable. He chased Braun out of the race, he chased Gephardt out of the race, and what was the name of that old guy from Florida? Anyway, I guess it's all over but the gravedigging." |
10:35:17 AM
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