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Get Ready for the Culture War
I’ve been wondering how this year will play out politically in America. I’ve been watching for signs, waiting for clues. And the problem is that there are far too many of both. Me, I’m hoping for an amusing end to the world, since I really don’t write all that well about the serious stuff.
For the longest time I thought that 2004 would be a year of manufactured crisis – I am sorry to reveal that I actually do believe that ‘the powers that be’ would not be the slightest bit reluctant to pull a good round of terror out of their ass if necessary. Not that they would be happy about it, mind you, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.
The Powers That Be. That is one classic of a paranoid phrase for you, and I think that I really need to expand on it if I wish to maintain my illusion of sanity. So let me turn to Bill O’Reilly, (the official no spin spokesman for ‘the powers that be’) as he explains to us how the armies are lined up in the countdown to the culture wars.
“Traditionalists are lined up against secularists. The traditionalists believe the country was founded on Judeo-Christian philosophy and that philosophy should be celebrated publicly. The secularists believe no mention of spirituality is appropriate in a public arena.”
Let that be our definition of ‘the powers that be’. The powers are the traditionalists – Bush, Cheney, Ashcroft, and all their fellow travelers and enablers. And the secularists – that would be John Kerry, Janet Jackson, Leatherface, and me – are not in power, but give us an inch, and brother we’re going to take a mile. If it feels good do it, that’s our motto.
It’s easy (and fun!) to make fun of O’Reilly, and I hope to spend a lot more time doing just that in the future. But for now, let’s check the battle plans for the revolution.
“Powerful forces like The New York Times, some network news broadcasters, well-funded far left Web sites, and other organized forces have combined to drive the secular agenda into a very powerful lobby. Although the majority of Americans are traditionalists, the most persistent voices being heard are on the secular side.”
Wow! I think that should clarify just why we secularists need an agenda – it’s a matter of life and death.
“The secularists in America have an agenda. They want total personal freedom. That means no judgments about anyone's behavior. They want legalized drugs, gay marriage, soft criminal penalties, and rehabilitation in prisons instead of punishment.”
I should point out, as an Official Secular Blogger (OSB), that we would also like bilingual education, child prostitution, boobies at the Superbowl, and beer at McDonalds. No, scratch that. I think we would probably do away with the Superbowl and substitute naked skateboarding in it’s place.
I wonder what would happen if we could only take the God factor out of the country. It might just make our evil agenda a little easier to impose…
“If you take the God factor out of the country, that agenda is easier to impose. But that would lead to social chaos. Last night, I told you about a guy who lit up a marijuana cigarette in front of two young boys at a rock concert. Now I made the idiot put it out, but he didn't want to. And if drugs ever become legalized, he'll be able to blow that pot smoke right in your kids' face. Is that the kind of society you want, where any kind of boorish behavior is acceptable?”
Maybe I’m wrong, but right now I’ve got the feeling that this is going to be the battlefield in 2004. Democrats are feeling good, thinking that they are on the right side of all the issues; jobs, Iraq, health care, and on and on…
But who says the entire conversation isn’t changing, leaving us alone and talking to ourselves? People are so easy to distract, so easy to rile up. Janet Jackson’s right breast may be a more important campaign issue than basic health care. Saying ‘under God’ in the Pledge of allegiance will probably be a more important issue than stopping the spread of AIDS. Gay marriage will be a bigger issue than leading the country to war under false pretenses. And bottom line, lets not forget who we are really fighting.
"And if you still don't believe me, consider this. Halloween is a few days away, and a first grade teacher in Biloxi, Miss., has already held a costume party for her class. One little boy came dressed as a pimp, complementing another little girl made up to be a whore. Somewhere the Devil is grinning." | 
