Mark Hoback: FGAQ: Campaign 2004

Wed, 11 Feb 2004 00:40:01 GMT

...i don't think he really cares that much.....

It’s real strange how these stories play out. Way back in the year 2000, almost exactly four years ago, the tale of George W Bush’s Big Adventure in the National Guard was a non-starter. I wasn’t much interested in it, and neither were his opponents, including Al Gore, who had served in Vietnam. (And please don’t tell me Gore was just a photographer – whether you’re a cook or a corpsman, there is no safe place in a war zone.) Military experience no longer seemed like an important consideration.

Bush’s service record, and his evasions on the details was ludicrous – a rich, irresponsible kid with a powerful daddy, who was able to jump in front of 500 other Texas boys who also would have given their left nut to get into the National Guard but didn’t have the sort of pull that being a Bush would give you. So he got into the Guard and even that was too much of a strain for the lad, so he just quit showing up.

Laughable, but here’s the rub. Our president, Bill Clinton, who we secularists just adore, had equally laughable machinations on the topic of draft avoidance. The truth is that most people just did not care: the consensus opinion has long been that Vietnam was a bloody mess, a tragic political war, and anybody who missed it, hey, more power to them.

The political effect of 911 was to raise the focus on terrorism and to illuminate the significance of defense.

The political effect of three plus years of the Bush administration has been to raise our focus on war and to illuminate the significance of experience.

“I’m a war president,” Bush told the nation on Sunday, and it’s a theme he repeats almost every time he speaks. But he’s not a war president; he’s a president who has embroiled us in a war, and that’s not the same thing at all.

In 1972, I was in boot camp and had no idea what the future would bring. I had no acceptable choice other than to be there, but truth be told, I had my plans. I had a training specialty that was guaranteed to keep me out of combat as long as my scores were high enough. (And believe me, ain’t nothing like the prospect of being a field medic out in the jungle to make you study your hardest).

Meanwhile Lieutenant Bush was transferring from the Texas National Guard to a special unit in Alabama. This was the Bermuda Triangle Unit, where a young pilot could simply and abruptly disappear without a trace until they suddenly popped out a year later with an acceptance letter from Harvard and a mysterious ability to “work it out with the military.” Which was one cool trick back then, since the military was not prone to “work it out” with anybody.

It’s pretty obvious that even if Bush is telling the truth and he never missed a drill, this is pretty thin experience for a “war president”. See, the man has never, ever had to learn any discipline. No patience. No insight.

Whatever Bush wants, he wants it now. His daddy worked for it. Junior, shit. He wants what he wants. (Politics aside, he will set the conservatives back twenty years.) It’s a life long pattern. The boy just has to win. One, two judges denied, time to fight. A hundred million, a couple trillion trimmed from his tax plans, got to fight.

Well, now, he got his war, which is a battle that any true “war president” would have avoided at all costs. Now he’s got to run off and abandon it, leaving behind a room full of ripped up toys.

I don’t know. Ever had a girlfriend that just could not be satisfied? You felt something, but not enough… just too immature, you say.

Ah, fuck it.

Scene from the home, fifty year hence; “we tried for brain function. We did try. We wanted to improve on the Reagan model… We felt so sorry for that one… He was a kind man. Still got the brain...”

“We did really feel sorry for the new joker, but it was... a lot… different. How much could we really care?”

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 21:04:17 GMT

Get Ready for the Culture War

I’ve been wondering how this year will play out politically in America. I’ve been watching for signs, waiting for clues. And the problem is that there are far too many of both. Me, I’m hoping for an amusing end to the world, since I really don’t write all that well about the serious stuff.

For the longest time I thought that 2004 would be a year of manufactured crisis – I am sorry to reveal that I actually do believe that ‘the powers that be’ would not be the slightest bit reluctant to pull a good round of terror out of their ass if necessary. Not that they would be happy about it, mind you, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.

The Powers That Be. That is one classic of a paranoid phrase for you, and I think that I really need to expand on it if I wish to maintain my illusion of sanity. So let me turn to Bill O’Reilly, (the official no spin spokesman for ‘the powers that be’) as he explains to us how the armies are lined up in the countdown to the culture wars.

“Traditionalists are lined up against secularists. The traditionalists believe the country was founded on Judeo-Christian philosophy and that philosophy should be celebrated publicly. The secularists believe no mention of spirituality is appropriate in a public arena.”

Let that be our definition of ‘the powers that be’. The powers are the traditionalists – Bush, Cheney, Ashcroft, and all their fellow travelers and enablers. And the secularists – that would be John Kerry, Janet Jackson, Leatherface, and me – are not in power, but give us an inch, and brother we’re going to take a mile. If it feels good do it, that’s our motto.

It’s easy (and fun!) to make fun of O’Reilly, and I hope to spend a lot more time doing just that in the future. But for now, let’s check the battle plans for the revolution.

“Powerful forces like The New York Times, some network news broadcasters, well-funded far left Web sites, and other organized forces have combined to drive the secular agenda into a very powerful lobby. Although the majority of Americans are traditionalists, the most persistent voices being heard are on the secular side.”

Wow! I think that should clarify just why we secularists need an agenda – it’s a matter of life and death.

“The secularists in America have an agenda. They want total personal freedom. That means no judgments about anyone's behavior. They want legalized drugs, gay marriage, soft criminal penalties, and rehabilitation in prisons instead of punishment.”

I should point out, as an Official Secular Blogger (OSB), that we would also like bilingual education, child prostitution, boobies at the Superbowl, and beer at McDonalds. No, scratch that. I think we would probably do away with the Superbowl and substitute naked skateboarding in it’s place.

I wonder what would happen if we could only take the God factor out of the country. It might just make our evil agenda a little easier to impose…

“If you take the God factor out of the country, that agenda is easier to impose. But that would lead to social chaos. Last night, I told you about a guy who lit up a marijuana cigarette in front of two young boys at a rock concert. Now I made the idiot put it out, but he didn't want to. And if drugs ever become legalized, he'll be able to blow that pot smoke right in your kids' face. Is that the kind of society you want, where any kind of boorish behavior is acceptable?”

Maybe I’m wrong, but right now I’ve got the feeling that this is going to be the battlefield in 2004. Democrats are feeling good, thinking that they are on the right side of all the issues; jobs, Iraq, health care, and on and on…

But who says the entire conversation isn’t changing, leaving us alone and talking to ourselves? People are so easy to distract, so easy to rile up. Janet Jackson’s right breast may be a more important campaign issue than basic health care. Saying ‘under God’ in the Pledge of allegiance will probably be a more important issue than stopping the spread of AIDS. Gay marriage will be a bigger issue than leading the country to war under false pretenses. And bottom line, lets not forget who we are really fighting.

"And if you still don't believe me, consider this. Halloween is a few days away, and a first grade teacher in Biloxi, Miss., has already held a costume party for her class. One little boy came dressed as a pimp, complementing another little girl made up to be a whore. Somewhere the Devil is grinning."

Sat, 31 Jan 2004 16:54:57 GMT

Bend Over Rush, and Let Annie Take Over

This is a tale of two pundits. Three if you count Hannity. But nobody counts Hannity.

So the other night I absolutely had to watch the Hannity and Milquetoast show, there was no other option. It was a special Twofer Tuesday, two maniacs for the cost of one, three if you count Hannity, although no one really counts Hannity. Not only did we get to hear Pat Robertson talking about God’s election day predictions (predictions or predestinations? It’s the old free will question all over again.), but we got to see my little cactus flower, former bass player for Deep Purple and political pundit, Ann ‘The Man’ Coulter.

I’ve got to give Coulter credit, even though the guy on the show who’s not Hannity says she was ‘mean’. (Ohh, that really stings.) Amidst giggles and glee, Coulter launched an absolutely brutal attack on John Kerry, becoming the first NeoCon to use the meme ‘Would You Want a Kept Man for President’. It was particularly effective because not only did it adhere to a cynical interpretation of actual facts, it was also an argument that could only be used effectively by a woman. (What Ann calls the ‘Chattering Class’.) She followed up the next day with a column entitled ‘Just a Gigolo’, portions of which follow.

…For over 30 years, Kerry's primary occupation has been stalking lonely heiresses. Not to get back to his combat experience, but Kerry sees a room full of wealthy widows as "a target-rich environment." This is a guy whose experience dealing with tax problems is based on spending his entire adult life being supported by rich women. What does a kept man know about taxes?

In 1970, Kerry married into the family of Julia Thorne -- a family estimated to be worth about $300 million. She got depressed, so he promptly left her and was soon seen catting around with Hollywood starlets, mostly while the cad was still married. (Apparently, JFK really was his mentor.) Thorne is well-bred enough to say nothing ill of her Lothario ex-husband. He is, after all, the father of her children -- a fact that never seemed to constrain him.

When Kerry was about to become the latest Heinz family charity, he sought to have his marriage to Thorne annulled, despite the fact that it had produced two children. It seems his second meal ticket, Teresa Heinz, wanted the first marriage annulled -- and Heinz is worth more than $700 million. Kerry claims he will stand up to powerful interests, but he can't even stand up to his wife.

…The Democrats' joy at nominating Kerry is perplexing. To be sure, liberals take a peculiar, wrathful pleasure in supporting pacifist military types. And Kerry's life story is not without a certain feral aggression. But if we're going to determine fitness for office based on life experience, Kerry clearly has no experience dealing with problems of typical Americans since he is a cad and a gigolo living in the lap of other men's money.

Kerry is like some character in a Balzac novel, an adventurer twirling the end of his mustache and preying on rich women. This low-born poseur with his threadbare pseudo-Brahmin family bought a political career with one rich woman's money, dumped her, and made off with another heiress to enable him to run for president. If Democrats want to talk about middle-class tax cuts, couldn't they nominate someone who hasn't been a poodle to rich women for past 33 years?

What a vicious vulgar woman, wouldn’t you agree? Coulter definitely seems to be the kind of girl who would be more comfortable with horses than with people. And under the reign of King George, it would appear that being a classist pig is cool again for the first time in my many years: Thorne is ‘well-bred’, Kerry is ‘low-born. Beyond any sense of decorum, but once again I gotta say, not beyond a certain twisted logic and reliance on what are indisputable facts.

And let me reiterate a previous point – this is an implicitly feminine argument. No man, no real man would make this case, whether they believed it or not. No matter how effective of a smear it might be. Hannity instinctively knew this, and for once in his sorry life resisted piling on.

This is Ann Coulter, folks, and from her we can expect no better. But just where exactly does this leave our favorite pill-popper Rush ‘I’ll only do it till I go deaf’ Limbaugh. He follows up the next day with his me-too column, ‘John F Kerry – Out of Touch Millionaire Gigolo’.

Limbaugh, who has taken to calling the candidate John F*ing Kerry, starts out thusly: “Not only are Democrats hypocrites for encouraging poverty to make poor people dependent, but Kerry defines privilege! He's the richest man in the Senate!” The totality of the rest of his piece is quotes from the Coulter piece. This is his way of saying what Ann says without having it attributed to him. That way he can avoid being called a little bitch by people like me. Cause I would. I’d call him a little bitch in a second if he were to say something like that. But you know, Rush, you ain’t worth it.

Wed, 28 Jan 2004 15:35:17 GMT

New Hampshire Surprise: Kucinich Surges to 6th!

"Go go Dennis. He ain't no menace" That was the sentiment amongst New Hampshireans yesterday as they elevated presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich into sixth place. "I'm moving, I'm moving now," said the sickly looking vegetarian as he prepared to joint the Kucinich Karavan (2 VW Beetles and a mini-van) on a Kruise to Karolina.

"Although it may be ungentlemanly of me to say so, I'm glad that I beat Reverend Al like a red-headed step child. And let's not forget for a minute, he had the black vote. I am double S double wide psyched! As the great American singer Willie Nelson once sang, 'You can have your chicken fingers, All I want's a heart that's free'. I'm, I'm... I'm gonna explode! Yeeee-ahhhh!"

Asked if that wasn't Howard Dean's line, Kucinich replied "No. No it's not."

Although the rise of Kucinich isn't the only New Hampshire surprise, although it is the only one we plan on discussing in this piece. When asked if he was concerned about the fact that Kucinich had pulled within eight percentage points of him, Senator Joe Lieberman (who at one time was a heartbeat away from being a heartbeat away from being president) replied "Quite frankly, I am. It's very dispiriting, but I am committed to campaigning until next Tuesday. Not that it will do a damn bit of good, because Dennis, I think, is unstoppable. He chased Braun out of the race, he chased Gephardt out of the race, and what was the name of that old guy from Florida? Anyway, I guess it's all over but the gravedigging."

Wed, 28 Jan 2004 00:11:22 GMT

Tue, 27 Jan 2004 18:27:11 GMT

TRAITOR!

Be on the outlook for an outpouring of this meme if Kerry comes out of today's New Hampshire primary looking strong. It's already putting in a strong appearance at places like Men's News Daily and NewsMax.

The visual centerpiece of this meme is the cover of a book written by Kerry and other vets. A book that has mysteriously disappeared. No wait. A book that has been not so mysteriously suppressed by the duplicitous Kerry. No wait. I'm not sure, although I am positive that I haven't seen it referred to as a 'book which sold mysteriously few copies and mysteriously went out of print thirty-two mysterious years ago.

This line of commentary (it can't really be called a story, can it, since it's simply old facts with a new spin) popped up as long ago as last May, when The New American posted 'Kerry Postures as a War Hero' by John F. McManus. This is really the granddaddy of the Kerry as traitor pieces, and most rabidly effective as well, avoiding, as it does, gratuitous (and chuckle inducing) references to the likes of 'Hanoi Jane'. McManus goes for the serious meat:

In 1971, the Communist Daily World delightedly published photos of him speaking to demonstrators as a leader of Vietnam Veterans Against the War (VVAW). The April 23, 1971 Daily World boasted that the marchers displayed a banner depicting a portrait of Communist Party leader Angela Davis, who was on record stating: "I am dedicated to the overthrow of your system of government and your society."

Got that? Prose such as this from Major Rick Erickson at MND are just starting to float a kinder, gentler version of this. With (WTF) a superfluous Clinton name-check.

The tact of Kerry for President looks a lot like Clinton-Gore’s approach to deceiving voters that such an obvious liability is really the opposite. When Kerry marched in the Veteran’s Day parade in Phoenix last year, in tow behind him were a few people carrying “Veterans for Kerry” placards. Some placard carriers looked like the ragtag types on the cover of The New Solider in that they were unshaven, wearing circa 1971 clothes and appeared disoriented.

Back to McManus, to fit Kerry into his proper milieu. (Note that in this account, Kerry not only suppresses his book, he even suppresses the cover photo).

Seeking election to the U.S. House in 1972, Kerry found it necessary to suppress reproduction of the cover picture appearing on his own book, The New Soldier. His political opponent pointed out that it depicted several unkempt youths crudely handling an American flag to mock the famous photo of the U.S. Marines at Iwo Jima. Suddenly, copies of the book became unavailable and even disappeared from libraries. But the Lowell (Mass.) Sun said of the type of person shown on its cover: "These people spit on the flag, they burn the flag, they carry the flag upside down, [and] they all but wipe their noses with it in their efforts to show their contempt for everything it still stands for."

So. Get ready. Just like with Howard Dean and his Righteous Anger, the idea is to take one of the candidates strengths and turn it into a crippling weakness. You might want to bookmark this site: Vietnam Veterans Against John Kerry.

On a final note, as I am sitting here on this fine, snowed in day, I have the fox new channel on and they are running dual scandal stories on Clark and Kerry. The Kerry segment is following this quote to Congress from testimony in 1972.

[U.S. soldiers had] "personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, taped wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages in a fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan, shot cattle and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the countryside of South Vietnam."

"Can you believe," asks the blonde newsFox Linda Vestor, "that he would say these things about his own countrymen?"

Mon, 26 Jan 2004 16:05:13 GMT

Listen, the Economy is like a rack of ribs
... got that, Stretch?

Ribs Over Roswell

The setting: Roswell, New Mexico. Cue theremin. Pebbles dropping on a xylophone. Mist. Yeah, lots of mist.

The social issue: Job growth. Bad. Wheels off. Two and a half million less than three years ago. And that's just in Roswell.

Cut to the presidents limo, headlights battling the fog. Or is it mist? Yeah, lots of mist. The president is worried. He's been saying jobs are on the rise. Fuck it. They didn't buy it in Ohio, but Arizona was more responsive. Wanna talk terrorism.

Suddenly the driver slams on the brakes, coming to a sudden halt, right smack dab in front of the Nuthin' Special Café. At the corner of 22nd and Main streets. In Roswell, New Mexico. It's a surprise visit at the NSC, and the cook doesn't have enough forewarning to even wash his hands.

The following is an unedited transcript of events as captured by Fox News video on 1/23/04. (A small portion can be seen here). The POTUS is followed by two reporters, Terry Morgan and David Gregory, who want to ask him about spending on Homeland security. There is not a third reporter named "Stretch". This is one of the many nicknames that Bush likes to use for reporters. I know. I don't understand it either.

POTUS: I need some ribs.

Stretch1: Mr. President, how are you?

POTUS: I'm hungry and I'm going to order some ribs. <And people say you can't get an honest answer out of the man>

Stretch2: What would you like? <Now I'm sorry, but you've got to admit that the press is pretty dense here.>

POTUS: Whatever you think I'd like. <If you listen closely, you can almost hear Bush use another of his favorite nicknames. 'Asshole'.>

Stretch2: Sir, on homeland security, critics would say you simply haven't spent enough to keep the country secure.

POTUS: My job is to secure the homeland and that's exactly what we're going to do. But I'm here to take somebody's order. That would be you, Stretch -- what would you like? <Yeah, Stretch, what? Me, I'd like some ribs.> Put some of your high-priced money right here to try to help the local economy. You get paid a lot of money, you ought to be buying some food here. It's part of how the economy grows. You've got plenty of money in your pocket, and when you spend it, it drives the economy forward. So what would you like to eat? <Guilt trip successfully completed, the president grabs a rib cuttin' knife and swings around, nearly poking Morgan in the eye>

Stretch1: Right behind you, whatever you order. <The President glares and raises his rib cuttin' hand, for a moment appearing to be contemplating the slaughter of this friggin' moron who still hasn't figured out that he would like some goddamn ribs.>

POTUS: I'm ordering ribs. David, do you need a rib?

Stretch2: But Mr. President --

POTUS: Stretch, thank you, this is not a press conference. <Bush contemplates the legal implications of at least giving Stretch a couple flesh wounds but decides against it. Stretch is going to receive a good stiff lecture on ribonomics instead.> This is my chance to help this lady put some money in her pocket. Let me explain how the economy works. When you spend money to buy food it helps this lady's business. It makes it more likely somebody is going to find work...............<pause> ......................... ...............................................................................
..........<pause>..........................................................
...........................................................<pause> ........ ......................So instead of asking questions, answer mine: are you going to buy some food?

Stretch1: Yes.

POTUS: Okay, good. What would you like? <Could it be ribs? That's what all the cool kids are eating.>

Stretch1: Ribs.

POTUS: Ribs? Good. Let's order up some ribs.

Stretch2: What do you think of the democratic field, sir?

POTUS: <Speaking to Juan, an illegal immigrant who is trying to refill the condiments and has no idea who Bush is, and couldn't speak English even if he did. Who nevertheless is sharper than Stretch> See, his job is to ask questions, he thinks my job is to answer every question he asks. I'm here to help this restaurant by buying some food. Terry, would you like something?

Stretch1: An answer. <Bush looks over at Stretch1 with a pained expression>
Stretch2: Can we buy some questions?

POTUS: <Turning back to Juan, who is nodding enthusiastically> Obviously these people -- they make a lot of money and they're not going to spend much. I'm not saying they're overpaid, they're just not spending any money.

Stretch2: Do you think it's all going to come down to national security, sir, this election?

POTUS: <walking to a table with Juan and a tray full of ribs while the Secret Service engages Stretch in a little small talk> One of the things David does, he asks a lot of questions, and they're good, generally...

Sun, 25 Jan 2004 18:54:15 GMT

Gephardt changes mind. 1/17/03

Citing the constitutional right to change one's mind, Rep. Dick Gephardt today claimed to not have changed his mind, not one whit. "It's the no-neck thing that bothers me most about Governor Dean. America deserves a president with a neck."

A Dean staffer quickly issued a statement that "He does so have a neck, and only a blind man would say otherwise."

"I'm surging, I'm surging," shouted Senator John Kerry, balancing a commemorative jug of Iowa corn squeezings on the tip of his nose. With polls showing him moving into a statistical dead heat with Dean and Gephardt, Kerry piloted his copter into Sioux and dropped postcards on his supporters with pictures of him in uniform taken during his Vietnam service, while shouting "Rat a tat tat" through a megaphone.. "Do you like the Surge?" Kerry hollered at the Sanford Community Center, where he was giving away coupons for free cartons of the popular soft drink to anyone who promised to vote for him. "Are you ready to make more and more Surge a surprise on Monday?"

Gephardt then shouted "Hey Hoback, this piece is supposed to be about me." Duly noted. I was considering making that dully noted, but then I thought, I dunno, most folks will probably think that it's a typo. You know how you... Oh. Right.

"Did you know that Howard Dean called Medicare 'one of the worst federal programs ever'?" asked Gephardt. "He ranked it number 67, right behind potato subsidies. I would personally be afraid to campaign in Iowa if I had come out against potatoes with the sheer angry vengeance that Howard Dean has shown towards the marvelous Solanum Tuberosum. The Iowa Potato stands alone atop the pyramid of tasty tubers in that it can be prepared in so many delicious ways. I'm sure that in his own elitist manner he would deny this, but my guess is that when he's alone in the privacy of his home, Howard Dean eats the fabled fruit of your fields, probably accompanied by a prime cut of Iowa beef from your marvelous Iowa cattle. God bless America."

"The governor loves Iowa potatoes" replied a Dean staffer, who sat at a desk piled high with brown gold. "He had freedom fries and milk from an Iowan cow for lunch earlier today."

"I'm surging too," shouted Sen. John Edwards. "I'm a rocket. I'm a southern rocket, southern, southern, southern, but with a big Iowan heart, a heart as big as a big stalk of Iowan corn. And I'm hot, hot as a big Iowa baked potato." Edwards paused to take a long refreshing drink of Iowan orange juice. "The South is not George Bush's backyard. It's my backyard. Yeah, that's right, you heard me, that's right. Get out of my backyard, you bad, bad president. Woof! Woof! Look at me, I'm full of Pimp Juice!"

"What about me?" shouted Gephardt.

"There's entirely too much shouting going on around here," Reverend Sharpton said quietly. Two days ago he took second place in the imaginary DC make-believe primary. "Which is a lot better than several folks I could mention."

Sun, 25 Jan 2004 18:52:12 GMT

A Date with Dennis 12/12/03

Dennis Kucinich went on a date yesterday! That's it. That's all I have to say. Just thought you'd like to know.

What, you want more? Okay. It was with a girl! Because Dennis is a heterosexual. Been married before, knows this routine backwards and forth. Come on Down, Gina Marie Santore of Maple Shade, New Jersey.

You know about this already, don't you? You've just been trying to ignore it. It's been the publicity centerpiece of the Kucinich campaign thus far - "Ladies, I'm Single!" That is more than just a little sad, but ideas aside, he just hasn't been able to generate much heat.

So he's purportedly been available for a blind date on http://www.politicsnh.com/mrskucinich.html for the past several weeks. (Before you click that link, let me tell you that I've tried that link since it was first announced and never gotten through. That's why I use the word purportedly.)

If you do get through, you should land on a page titled 'Who Wants to Be a First Lady?'. Wow, who wouldn't want to spend four+ years in a fishbowl? (And if you got any style whatsoever - the rest of your life).

Back to the date. They hooked up in a Holiday Inn lobby at 7:30 in the morning, and then went to the lounge where they ordered orange juice and oatmeal. Dennis felt a undecidedly unpleasant twitch on his bottom lip. Left side.

They exchanged glances. They exchanged gifts. Gina gave Dennis a T-shirt with a picture of the Constitution on the front, and promised him her vote <forever>. Dennis gave Gina a signed copy of one of his campaign brochures.

Cheap bastard! I bet he got that for free.

Dennis says that Gina's endorsement is more important than Gore's endorsement of Dean." And based on actual discussion," says Dennis. This is so sweet!

The two talked of many things. The whispered about health care. They murmured over prescription drug coverage. For a brief period they had a minor tiff about malpractice insurance, but hearts turned warm again when they talked about education and workers' rights.

Gina blinked her blue-lidded eyes seductively and confided earnestly to Dennis. "There's romance in some of these issues, because if you're concerned about people and you care about what's right for the health of our nation, what could be more optimistic than that?."

Dessert, replied Dennis, sticking his ring and forefinger rigidly into the air in the native Cleveland gesture which means 'One Prune Danish - Two Forks'. Dennis then leaned across the booth and told Gina that she was "so smart and knowledgeable about so many things that relate to the practical concerns that people have."

The date ended badly, with Dennis received a mere air kiss. Although Gina attempted to break his heart by sadistically telling him that she was actually living with a man, and "no, you can't come over for the veggie-fest," Kucinich has appeared to attain an even more vibrant presence than he did before major news outlet began pulling their embedded reporters. His supporters point to his recent remark that he would like to "kick Ted Koppel in the balls" as a sign of the surging momentum of his campaign.

Sat, 24 Jan 2004 16:36:05 GMT

Advice for Howard: Stealing the Meme

Many interesting pieces this week on Howard Dean and the scream. The scream being not so much an event as a meme which has finally borne fruit.

It's a disease, a thought virus, and it was developed by The Special Clique through constant battle during the Clinton Years. Clinton was defined as guilty from the early days of his administration. 'The Process' was perfected in heavy battle. It relies on media in order to infect large segments of the population, who in turn feed new energy to the virus until the patient is, mmm, consumed. Gore could not believe that 'The Process' was real until it was too late. He could not accept that the process used against Clinton would now be business as usual, and he went down like the proverbial deer in the headlights. He barely bothered to whimper.

Here is rule numero uno of The Process, stolen right from Mister Ibsen, an old Scandinavian troublemaker who's not gonna miss it anymore. You don't have to write it down verbatim. The essence of the rule is that 'if you show a gun in the first act, you have to use it by the third'. It's not a matter of agreeing or not. And what are your options for deciding which information stream to process, the image in your eyes or the voices in your head. Because you can't deal with them concurrently. And anyway, they're both wrong.

And so a scenario is built around one of the ten million eyes of God, a scenario that will become true because we are legion, dig? It's just a matter of paying attention and picking the right piece of film.

Stealing the meme, that's easy, too simple, so simple that it confuses the enemy. "Yeah, that's me" you say, and suddenly you are in possesion of both the sound and vision. You're free to cut it up and reassemble to remix it filter it collage it play it again and again until it lives outside of context, make it your theme.

A critic once asked Miles Davis what he did when he blew a bad note and he said I play it again and then again and it becomes the right note.

Wed, 21 Jan 2004 12:07:24 GMT

Kucinich has his eyes on the prize.

Jan 20 (AP) Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich vowed to continue his campaign despite a distant, fifth-place finish Monday night in the Iowa caucuses. "We picked up a few delegates, which is what I hoped to do," Kucinich told The Associated Press at a downtown Des Moines hotel where supporters were disappointed. "For some, this might be the end of their campaigns. For me, this is the beginning."

"I'm now in the fifth position -- and we'll keep moving up."

It's all about mastering the big 'Mo', and Dennis Kucinich feels that he's got it all worked out. "Two slots," he shouts to the small group of bystanders, who have gathered outside of his New Hampshire campaign kiosk. "I moved up two slots in one week. I'm surging. I got the mo and I'm ready to go.'

Dennis Kucinich is clearly flying high after receiving a delegate in Monday's Iowa caucuses. "One more than Lieberman," he reminds you, while flashing the V for victory sign. It has been an exciting week for Kucinich, who also scored a fourth place win in Washington DC's Imaginary Primary, and saw his standings as a presidential hopeful skyrocket from eighth runner-up to sixth runner-up. "One more than Clark," he gleefully shouts, performing a modified funky chicken while pretending to smoke a carrot.

"Follow me," the candidate tells this reporter, steering me into his kiosk while I futilely tell him I'm on my way to the Sharpton rally. ("Al doesn't stand a chance," he confides. "He's right about a lot of things, but I think he's met his match with me. I expect him to be eating my dust quite soon.")

"Let's talk turkey. I'd rather talk it than eat it, because, as I'm sure you know, I'm a vegetarian. I am, in fact, the only vegetarian in this race," he tells me, his voice picking up volume. "And People Are Starting to Listen!!! Praise the deity of your choice, or no deity at all!!! DON'T EAT THINGS WITH FACES!!!"