Fried Green al-Qaedas


  FGAQ: Crime Blotter
Welcome to Crime Blotter. I pull a bottle of Old Grandad out from beneath my desk, yeah just now, and go straight to work. Hard, hard work, writing about the German cannibal or some other maniac. How to explain it to ya, that's my mission, as assigned. I’m here to distract you from the nations priorities, and I'm doin my best. Sure, I could say it was a change of heart, a twitch of some sort that made me wanna do something useful with my life. But what the fuck do I know? Editor says it might get more traffic. Let’s ride it. Welcome to Crime Blotter. I say that already? Well, I’m fuckin sincere, and screw you if you don’t like it.Crimes of the rich. Crimes of the famous. And crimes of the friggin bizarre. Yeah.
Last updated:
2/11/2004; 7:19:28 AM


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Friday, January 30, 2004

 
  Verdict           The Cannibal of Rotenburg

At long last, the precedent setting Armin Meiwes case is over. The Cannibal of Rotenburg was sentenced by a German court today to eight years in prison for the crime of killing and consuming Bernd-Juergen Brandes, a socially maladjusted gent who was a willing participant in the macabre festivities. (An overview of the case is printed directly beneath this piece.)

Meiwes was not convicted of manslaughter as prosecutors had hoped, but of manslaughter, which carries a maximum sentence of eight and a half years, with time off for good behavior. (There is little doubt that Meiwes will be well behaved; throughout the trial he has been polite, friendly, and forthcoming, and described by witnesses and court officials alike as a gentleman. Plus, he dresses well and has what might be called a charming smile if it weren't for the fact that you realize he might eat you with those teeth.) To be fair about it, the defense didn't get what they wanted either. They were looking for a verdict of 'killing on request' - the German equivalent of euthanasia - which could have resulted in a sentence of as little as six months. The court dismissed this verdict because of the obvious sexual pleasure that Meiwes took in this act.

In the end, the six hour home video that Meiwes made of himself and Brandes played a powerful part in the verdict. Head Judge Volker Muetze admitted that the video should be "viewed with repulsion in our civilized society" (creepiest scene not previously reported by me: Meiwes talking to Brandes' severed head while disemboweling the body, which is hanging from a meat hook in the special 'slaughter lounge')... but, I continue, clearing my throat, the video shows that "Seen legally, this is manslaughter, killing a person without being a murderer." And?

And? And it was "a behavior that is condemned in our society - namely the killing and butchering of a human being"... Go on, Herr Muetze. "They were two deeply psychologically disturbed people who both wanted something from the other."

People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world.

You know, this whole case has been an amazing story, and I'm really not sure why it's received so little interest in the states. (Interesting cannibal trivia: the most extensive coverage of the Meiwes saga has come from Australia, Africa and India - a continent where they used to eat people, a continent where they still do, and a country where they're so hungry that they'll eat anything they can get their damn hands on.) I think the story may be just a little too harsh for Americans, with their tender sensibilities, to accept as news. Entertainment, now that's another story, and I expect the forthcoming movie(s) to do great box office, particularly if they avoid the pitfall of trying to be dramas. Horror, could work, but we're talking two weeks and out unless we get a name director like M Night Shamalamadingdong. Comedy is not out of the question, and I for one would suggest the Farley brothers, who are just about one film away from doing a picture about a dimwitted but lovable cannibal who is forced to look for dinner in the classifieds.

Me, I'm hoping for a musical. That last little speech that Armin gave to the court earlier this week, what a climactic  ending it could frame. "You don't need to worry that I'll ever need to do this again," he said. But no, no regrets. "I took his life, and I readily admit that." His voice firm, committed. "But ... I did nothing that ran contrary to his express wishes." Face forward, eyes bright, full screen close-up.  "I've had the kick of a lifetime."

I can hear Jennifer Warnes. and if he were not dead, I can hear Bill Medley, who could really use the work about now.  I see the lights flash from an orbiting disco ball, and see the skirts of the twirling girls float round like hibiscus petals. And I can hear singing. "Now with passion in our eyes
/ There's no way we could disguise it secretly / So we take each other's hand / Cause we seem to understand / The urgency / Just remember /  I've had the time of my life / I never felt this way before..."


12:37:48 PM    on the other hand  []



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Last update: 2/11/2004; 7:19:28 AM.
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