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The Best Word.
The Washington Post has one thing going for it that’s pretty hard to deny; it has some of the best sports writers you’re ever going to find. Everybody knows Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon from their daily gig ‘PTI’ on ESPN, but we’ve got more. The great Shirley Povich wrote for the Post for 40! Years, and we’ve got authors William Gildea, Thomas Boswell, and the recently returned best selling writer, Sally Jenkins. Today she writes about Janet Jackson and the Superbowl Scandal.
Ms. Jenkins surely has surely written the most succinct piece on this non-event that you are likely to find. Good for Jackson, she says. “Maybe now we'll finally grasp the fact that the league is just another mass entertainment company, the Viacom of sports.” Read ‘NFL Exposed for What It Is’.
The Last Word is left to Steve Raker.
Overshadowed by the Janet Jackson boob* incident is the alarming number of penis thefts that have occurred during stage performances. As witnessed during the Superbowl halftime show, male performers are constantly in fear of a penis heist. They must check with their hands every ten seconds or so to ensure that no one has absconded with their man meat. This gets in the way of the choreography and is a distraction for the performers.
Luckily, necessity is the mother of invention. My good friend Jeff and I have developed a penis protection system, similar to a spaceship force field. If penis theft is attempted, if the outer protective shield is penetrated, an electronic shockwave will emanate from the head of the member, incapacitating all within three feet of the dancing dangler. We look forward to a time when male singers can feel secure in Mr. Johnson's safety and use their hands for artistic expression.
*right boob only. Has anyone investigated whether this might be a terrorist call to arms, in the style of Paul Revere? | 
