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Cal Hornerton's Diary - 7 Days in March
Monday: I wish
I could say today was a great day. Started well; I awoke to a beautiful
pastel sky, warm fragrant breezes like honey on toast and my cup
overflowing with the knowledge that the Lord is guiding my life. Rather
downhill from there. My neighbor Jim, bless his heart, whom I've
counseled repeatedly regarding his financial troubles and spiritual
views... Well, to make a long story short, he shredded my left hand and
took a large chunk out of my hip with a blast from his 12 gauge before
turning it on himself. Please Lord have mercy on his soul and guide him
to the light of redemption.
Tuesday: Flat
on my back and drifting in and out of consciousness here in the
hospital, post surgery. I must say, the nurses at Sacred Heart are so
kind and efficient, I need to recount my blessings for they are now
among them. My sister stopped by this afternoon and with her help and
the Lord's good wishes, I'm sure I'll get through this ordeal. Sadly
however, she brought some bad news. Seems my surgeon had been enticed
by Satan to the lure of maryjane, and while under the devil spell
mistakenly amputated my left foot rather than my left hand. We all make
mistakes in this earthly life and we will without doubt all be joined in
glory in heaven above. I have forgiven him along with neighbor Jim.
Wednesday: A
surprise visit today from Pastor Lupkin. That man is a saint; surely a
lesser man would crumble under the weight of his troubles. His gambling
addiction has brought us all closer to God, for which we, his flock of
sinners, say a prayer of thanks. As a consequence, however, we have
lost our beautiful sanctuary to bankruptcy. A church is much more
than a building Pastor reminds me and his suggestion that we meet in my
hospital room this Sunday feels divinely inspired. Even now, hours
later, I can still feel his aura and I see by the racing form he left on
my bedside table, he's weaning himself from the trifectas. Baby steps
on the path of righteousness, praise Jesus.
Thursday: A bit
of a setback on my road to recovery. While my doctors and the hospital
administration staff have been very busy and most attentive with making
sure all releases of liability are in order, they failed to notice the
gangrene creeping up my leg. The upside is that according to the
hospital attorney this will qualify me for their three amputations for
the price of two special. I have to sign so many papers, I'm giving a
hearty prayer of thanks that my right hand is still serviceable. Surely
the Lord watches over me.
Friday: I saw a
newspaper today for the first time since neighbor Jim sent me on this
detour to further faith and glory. I was briefly able to smile through
the pain that is my constant companion. There in black and white was
proof that my president and his party walk with God. Forcing the poor
and the soon to be poor off the immoral government handouts and into the
warmth of church basements everywhere, is an endeavor that sparkles with
the light of our Master, now and forever, halleluiah.
Saturday: I was
awakened in the middle of the night by the sound of equipment crashing
to the floor and squads of heavy-booted men running down the hall,
military orders shouted. Suddenly a nurse burst through my door
followed immediately by a barrage of automatic weapons fire and she fell
headlong into my bed, blood gushing from her mouth. Another angel gets
her wings, I prayed. Why I was spared, only God knows. I drifted back
to a deep and peaceful sleep, helped perhaps by the shock from the
bullet that destroyed my right shoulder. I dreamed of well groomed and
obedient citizens in an orderly world. I gazed into every face and saw
myself.
Sunday(I think):
The absence of the normal hospital bustle and the silence of the day is
very conducive to prayer and for that I am most thankful. I am
surprised to find that some of the screams of pain that occasionally
disturb me come from my own mouth. Time is nearing irrelevance and the
knowledge of my impending death comforts me like the gentle hand of
Jesus. I look down and see that the odor of the nurse's body has
attracted quite a number of God's recyclers and their cute little noses
and twitching whiskers entertain me as I wait. The Lord works in
mysterious ways.
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