Fried Green al-Qaedas

	Wednesday, February 01, 2006

How to close a cereal box:

first close the long flap with the slot in it

then close both small side flaps

then the flap with the tab

note how the tension provided by the side flaps helps provide a tighter and more reliable seal

works great and it gives a bit too much insight into the quality of my intellect that I discovered this at the ripe old age of 51

How to read opinion polls:

approximately 70% of the country sees national politics as a big football game and will tend to always root, root, root for the home team

there seems to be about 40% of the country who, contrary to abundant evidence, believe Bush is infallible. so with any poll question where it is discernible which response is the pro-Bush answer, that response starts with a 40% base or floor

if, for example, this question were asked: is it OK for President Bush to stab puppies?, 40% of the country would assume that if Bush were stabbing them, the puppies must be terrorist puppies, and they would answer "yes" to the stabbing

a smaller percentage of people, approx. 30%, knows that Bush would find a way to screw up the arrangements for a dinner for two. You know, hire a Republican-owned printshop to do the invitations for $12 million, secretly tap the busboy's phone, torture the foreign sounding chef and then show up at the wrong restaurant in his swimsuit. So all questions with a Bush component will automatically receive the anti-Bush answer from this 30%.

so the next time you see poll results, if you wish to get a clearer picture of how the country feels, simply subtract 40% from the pro-Bush answer and 30% from the anti-Bush answer. Easy.

4:43:45 PM

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So far.....

...the Bush administration has failed to anticipate:

that al Qaeda might fly planes into buildings

that there might not be stockpiles of WMDs in Iraq

that there might be a strong (post 'mission accomplished insurgency

that it might be a good idea to guard the Iraqi ammo dumps with the same vigor as the oil ministry

that by ignoring Afghanistan, it might become the world's largest opium producer

that Iraqis might use their purple fingers to install a fundamentalist Islamic government

that Iraq might become best friends with Iran

that the New Orleans levies might fail

that putting Rove in charge of Gulf Coast reconstruction might turn it into a corrupt Republican boondoggle

that an unrestrained Republican congress might borrow the Enron model of fiscal discipline

that the sun might rise in the eastern sky

that taking the 'big tough Texan' approach to Iran might push them the wrong way

that implementation of their gift to big pharma, Medicare Part D, might be a big confusing expensive mess

that Hamas might win an election in Palestine

I know there are many more, these 14 came off the top of my head. Secretary of State Rice now begins every third sentence with the phrase, "I don't think anyone anticipated...." Note that neither she nor Bush nor Rummy nor McClellan ever says "I didn't anticipate", they always lump themselves in with a large but unnamed group of equally clueless folks.

Let's see if we can save our government officials and reporters some time. Let's all swear that from now on, whenever something bad happens, no matter how foreseeable it may have been, no matter how many did anticipate it, we will all just assume that BushCo has not. That by itself could save us up to a million man-hours a year, not to mention the newsprint and the TV time. I know this is confusing for many; the idea that those who got themselves elected by harping on how they are the only ones who can keep us safe, are in fact the ones wearing the rose-colored glasses. One might even notice a disturbing pattern here, and if one were a bit on the cynical side, think, "Gosh, several of these might be willful non-anticipation." It's a tough bone to chew, or it's a bitter pill to swallow, or it's sand in our underpants. Whatever it is, we've got three more years.

9:37:05 AM

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