Mark Hoback: Sandy Underpants

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 20:31:49 GMT

Attention all Comers

for the most part

Sandy now empties his underpants at

The Aristocrats

Sat, 01 Apr 2006 19:36:06 GMT

Andy

Riley and Andy

mugshot

cow wallpaper

I had forgotten about all the movies Warhol made

this is one I hadn't heard of

the museum gives one a sense of how prolific he

was and how many mediums he worked in

the empty bench

Andy obviously loved women

I had the overall feeling that he wasn't ever trying to be

kind to them, but that he wanted his art to be a conduit

for their unvarnished expressions of self

gift shop window, love the shirt

bye

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 00:44:03 GMT

The Mattress Factory

While in beautiful Pittsburgh, Riley and I visited the most fun museum ever, The Mattress Factory. We had a lot of laughs and much amazement, here are a few pics:

Riley reads a book in the library

a tree stump is recreated from books

starry starry night, with dots

I named this gal Susan. After a while I became

comfortable with her presence, she seemed like

just another person in the room.

I like my women nude and with dots.

this pic was taken in the museum coffee shop

those who know my proclivities can guess

what artistic touch I added

several of the exhibits were great to experience

but did not photograph well

one of the best could not be photographed at all

it was a hallway leading to two chairs in a room of such

utter blackness that no vision was possible

none

not even the outline of fingers

held directly in front of your face

within the room was a thigh-high railing beyond which

as far as one's senses could discern

was complete nothingness

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 19:01:26 GMT

can you taste the thumbtacks?

what shall we call this breed of democracies

we encourage with our guns and Texas diplomacy?

howzabout terradems or democrabombs?

yeah democrabombs that's it

that captures the essence

let's go ahead and give Dubai Ports World those shipping port contracts, what the hell. and as a sweetener, to help them forgive our recent uncouth behavior, let's include a 35 month contract for Whitehouse operation.

near absolute power strives for perfection or dies. near absolute power never says to himself, "hey maybe I am too powerful, probably time to cut back on all the power."

funniest thing I've read in 3 months

or maybe it's the saddest thing

for our American experiment

I swing back and forth 'tween the two

re. Dubai port situation

"Warner (Chairman John Warner, R-Va) then jumped in to assure Levin that he would ask Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to prepare a memorandum on the administration's interpretation of the law."

John Warner, you are so precious. don't you ever change

Have you seen the new game show, "Gonzales or Spit?" it's a little bit Price is Right, it's a little bit Fear Factor, and it's a whole lotta fun. Come on down:

a contestant chosen from the audience is blindfolded and spun around

next, the host chooses a celebrity from the panel to either read a Gonzales legal opinion out loud or dunk the contestant's head into a bucket of cold spit

if the contestant can correctly identify which action has occurred she wins a Mazda

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 23:54:56 GMT

I guess this is how our Republican leadership imagines

an evening in an American home:

Hi Honey I'm home.

Hi honey I just got home myself. And have I got a surprize for you. Remember Bill the health insurance guy? No? Well me neither, but he's here. He wants to talk about insurance. Isn't this great. We'll have a lot of insurance understanding to do, barely informed choices to make, and get this, for added fun, the variables we'll be pondering may change during the course of our enrollment. So not only do we get to choose which super plan is best for us, but we'll also be wagering on which company is least likely to screw us. And then there's the donut hole, doesn't that sound like fun?

That does sound like fun Sweetheart, how much does it cost?

Only God knows dear.

That's good enough for me. Come on in here Bill, let's get this party started.

***

-a proposed Democrat slogan for the coming election season regarding the gift to big pharma that is Medicare Part D.

-Screw the Donut Hole

as you can see, it works on several levels

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 15:00:11 GMT

I'm wearing relatively clean underpants

support our magnetic ribbon manufacturers

choice

there are choices we must make in this life

and one of the big ones is

shall I laugh or whistle?

don't say the word 'choices' out loud a bunch of times, trust me

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 22:14:54 GMT

fun headlines

Man Shot by Cheney Leaving Hospital

sounds like Cheney was waiting for him in the bushes outside the hospital. "I truly believe Harry Whittington is in his last throes, if you will. You're goin' down old man."

Rumsfeld Says Extremists Winning Media War

shorter Rummy, ...they are better liars than we are, and golly, that's a tough gold medal to win. Liars Olympics, that's funny, I'm so gonna use that again. But wait just one minute, I can't be still, I disagree with this outcome, we deserve the gold. I think we beat 'em on both quality and quantity of lies. And not only our lies, which are fabulous and plentiful, but also our liars. This U.S. crew could set your tie on fire and call it Christmas. But yet those darn crazy terrorists are beating us in results, how can that be? Don't you see, it's the damn audience. They got a better audience. Ours is full of, well y'all know what they're full of, subversive assumptions about rights to privacy and free speech and all that hooey. That's a lot of baggage on our side, very tough to run a successful propaganda operation in these conditions. Switch audiences and we wipe the floor with 'em.

Cheers Greet Cheney at Appearance in Wyo.

Hooray for Shotgun Man!

Three Cheers for Shooter!

Shoot Me Mister Cheney!

and one last quote from the

Theatre of the Absurd

"My family and I are deeply sorry for everything Vice President Cheney and his family have had to deal with," Harry Whittington said.

"And now I must get busy with cashing in the giant pile of chits I've collected. No rest for the wicked. I can't believe I'm taking an actual bullet for the team, wow, this is so cool. And one in the heart, can you believe it? I am gonna make sooo much money." pretend Harry Whittington said.

who would you most like to see go on Cheney's next quail shoot?

bye

***

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 20:45:31 GMT

Harry Whittington released from hospital

praises Cheney for shooting him in the face

"I'm better than ever, thanks Dick."

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 20:35:27 GMT

New from FOX

because Saturdays are for watching other people do stuff

is that Owen Wilson?

"Cleaning the Interior of Your Car with Celebrities" Kathy Griffin with a garbage bag full of your crap, what could be more fun?

"Clipping the Dog's Toenails with Celebrities" will Jason Bateman get nipped in the hand, will Fluffy pee on Susan Sarandon? you must tune in

"Trying to Figure out if it Makes Sense to Get the Washing Machine Fixed or Just go to the Laundromat until You Can Afford to Buy a New One with Celebrities" featuring the catch phrase, "I told you we shoulda bought a good one, but noooo, what do I know. I know you're a cheap son of a bitch, that's what I know. And if you think I'm goin' to that skanky Laundromat, you have lost whatever sense you were born with. And when was the last time we went out to a really nice place for dinner? I'll tell you when, it was after our wedding rehearsal, and my Dad paid for it. Let me ask you, does anybody in your family ever pay for any damn thing? If we have pizza one more time this week, I swear I'll slit your throat in your sleep."

"Taking a Nap on the Couch with Celebrities" stop jumping Cruise, you idiot

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 16:05:36 GMT

Shorter FOX Hume-Cheney Interview

...this shorter version is a service to those who may not have seen uber Republican Brit Hume have a friendly chat with uber Republican Dick Cheney about you know what. They took turns eating clear broth with a fork and if history be our guide, by the end of the week 39% of Americans will be doing the same.

Right Wing Storytime

OK children, gather 'round, and Papa Dick will spin you a yarn. Be prepared to defend it, whatever crazy crap it may be. Hi Uncle Brit, let's begin.

Good Day, Mr. Vice President. I admire you because you are an admirable man from whom only admirable actions and feelings could possibly flow. Yada, yada, really? You don't say. Well that explains that. My admiration is based solely on your admirability which I admire with an admiration so very strong and admirable, if that's possible. You did what? Wow, talk about admirable, you may have saved his life. So truthful you are, so brave. I feel blessed to be breathing the same air as you sir. I long to rub up against you. Just one more little thing Mr. Vice President, the way you handled the police, you know, the whole 'let's wait 'til tomorrow to do this' idea. Would you recommend that strategy to other Americans caught up in a tight firearms-related incident?

Thank-you Brit, I feel almost the same way about you. And because I believe it's the right call, I stopped answering your questions about a minute ago.

the end

With anyone other than our Republican Royal Family, these two questions would be asked by the police. 1. were drugs or alcohol involved? with these types of accidents, there's always a good chance of that. this would be ascertained by an interview and tests by the police ASAP, not at the shooter's convenience the next morning*. if this by itself doesn't cause Republicans to see the arrogant contempt for the rule of law at the heart of this government, one must wonder what can? 2. does the physical evidence that remains jibe with the witness' descriptions? for example does the birdshot angle of entry and penetration depth help confirm the stories or no?

* the choices available Saturday night were these: shall we put off the police and endure the suspicion that Dick had been drinking or shall we let the police in and confirm that Dick had been drinking. clearly that decision or one very much like it was made, wasn't it? I mean, come on folks, cupla old guys on a weekend "hunt" with a cupla babes, not their wives, of course they were drinking. And I'll shine your shoes if Cheney didn't take that difficult shot to show off for his babe. Let's not forget that these are men we're talking about, and I hate to be the one to break it to tender America, but that's the kinda shit men do. You know it.

Dick Cheney has done to Harry Whittington what the Bush administration has done to America; exercised careless arrogance to produce bad results.

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 19:42:59 GMT

'The Mind Reader' by Gillette

.....just close your eyes and think about how many blades you wish to have and 'The Mind Reader' obeys. On most mornings, when a good but ordinary shave will do, think six blades, and you will get the finest six-bladed shave that money can buy. But say it's the day of your big job interview and you want a really close shave, just close your eyes - 150 blades - and it will be so. The first blade shouts at your whiskers to get their attention, the second and third blades get into a gun fight while the fourth blade dives through a storefront window. That's all a distraction to allow the fifth blade to cut into a whisker. As it's cutting, it is also lifting. To pass the time, blades 6 thru 48 perform a battle scene from 'Full Metal Jacket' and blade 49 organizes a slumber party. Blades 50-65 run home to get their pillows and sleeping bags, while in the confusion blade 66 sneaks up on the backside of the whisker. Blade 5 continues to cut and lift, lifting from your face sections of whisker that normally would not appear until a week from Tuesday. #66 attaches block and tackle to the whisker below the cut, pulling it further still and blade 67 dives for the football. He grabs it, does a quick roll to his feet and is untouched as he scampers into the endzone. In the stands blades 68-112 cheer wildly, it's pandemonium. Blade 5 has finished his cut just as blade 113 relieves him below the block and tackle. 5 heads for the showers. Blades 114-132 build a bonfire and sing songs about evil bearded men and the joys of a well cut whisker. As if inspired, #113 finishes the second cut with a flourish and before the last pitiful nub of the whisker can snap back into moist safety, blades 133-141 verbally assault him. "You suck" "Don't ever come back" and the like. #5 returns in his street clothes and along with 66 and 113, are gathered up and paraded through the city. Small blade children are waving flags and chasing after candy. The city council 142-149 and the mayor, #150, declare a holiday and everyone rejoices, including you. We know you're happy with your shave because we're 'The Mind Reader'. Good luck with that interview Mr. Smooth.

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 15:26:58 GMT

"I got shotgun," hollers VP Cheney

CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas - V.P. Dick Cheney has unofficially thrown his hat in the ring for the '08 presidential run. On Saturday he wrapped up a good portion of the 'everyone who has ever accidentally shot someone' vote. "See he's just a regular guy, he's one of us now," said Stump Galverson, a local man. "With me, donjano, it was my own self that I shot. Talk about a buzz kill, blasted four of my toes clean off, all 'cept the pinky toe. I tell ya, that little sucker is useless as tits on a boar hog, I stub it on every damn thing. Ruined a good pair of boots too, real leather, not Wal-Mart leather. But gettin' back to Mr. Cheney, yeah sure, I'll vote for that crazy bald fucknut. I love regular guys and you can't get any more regular than shootin' a good buddy in the face on accident."

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 21:20:50 GMT

oh no, not you

get away from me

evil dentist man

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 21:16:34 GMT

Irony Defined

this is Rush Limbaugh’s response to the domestic surveillance scandal: “If you’re doing nothing wrong why would you care?”

that would be the same Rush Limbaugh who’s spent the last two years fighting the release of his medical records to the prosecutors who are investigating his procurement of illegally obtained prescription drugs. --from Tom Tomorrow

The Limbaugh Philosophy

words dripping like pus from a diseased penis

remember all the cash Limbaugh was withdrawing - each time, just under the $10,000 reporting threshold to avoid the prying eyes of the government. One might ask, "If you’re doing nothing wrong why would you care?" $9300 $9725 $9250 and so on, probably most of which was used to support his pain killer habit - OxyContin. Many different doctors' prescriptions, filled at many different pharmacies, supplemented with black market transactions financed by the pattern of transactions above, which is in itself illegal - money laundering. When I'm feeling especially unhelpful, I wonder what percentage of Limbaugh's illegal drug money found its way to finance other more interesting criminal pursuits, like, oh I don't know, you pick one. OK, I'll go, just because this one is like hot diarrhea on the Limbaugh ice cream. Probably more of Rush's money is in terrorist pockets than 98% of Americans. That makes sense, doesn't it? Rich man, big honkin' drug habit, yeah, I'd say he's gotta be in the top 2%. Mr. Personal Responsibility. ...Wait, wait you screech, Rush Limbaugh is now our Star-Spangled Reformed Man. He's been born again again. Oh yes. Much like a death-row inmate finds Jesus, Mr. Limbaugh now peddles furiously to distance himself from the consequences of getting caught. An entirely human thing for him to do, but a little sad for those who purchase their opinions from him, the self-named Dittoheads.

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 19:38:55 GMT

re: warrantless domestic NSA wiretapping

if BushCo was looking to hide a few needles

of politically inspired wiretapping

what better place than a haystack?

a haystack they control access to

I laugh when I read one pundit after another exhort

"But there's no evidence that Bush has abused this program."

that's the beauty of it. who controls the possible evidence?

like saying the murder suspect is innocent

while noting that he refuses access to his backyard

as he leans on his shovel and smiles

a perfect crime is tempting

for even the most moral of men

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 18:12:15 GMT

Way back when I was in college, I learned an interesting opinion about Adolf Hitler. In order to maintain iron-fisted control of the German government, he installed relatively weak and unqualified men to positions in his government. He gave great power to those who could not hope for anything approaching such power through ordinary means. And in so doing, Hitler purchased their complete and unquestioning loyalty.

I don't know why I remembered that. It's not as if it applies in any way to our current situ... (ahh, ahh, brownchoo, coughzales, excuse me) situation. Everyone knows that all of the tactics Hitler used were so totally evil that no one would ever think to use any of them ever again.

Oh yeah, one other thing, and I really don't know why I bring this up. Along about 1936, Hitler declared, and the courts acquiesced to making the Gestapo above the law. So anything the NSA, I mean, the Gestapo did was inherently legal. Again, everyone knows that all of the tactics Hitler used were so totally evil that no one would ever think to use any of them ever again.

I'm so glad we're safe from that totally evil Hitler guy. Because being safe, that is the most important thing. Above all else, we must be safe. Or I guess I should say, we must feel safe. It's feeling safe that is so very important. Except in an election season, then it's best if we are afraid. Uncle Karl tells us that being afraid of Osama is very important. And then after we vote, we can feel safe again. ..Remember the last time that stupid color threat level chart was changing with every stiff breeze, terror alerts manufactured from three year old intelligence? When was that? hmmm. Well fasten your seatbelts oh gentle trusting souls, 'cause we're comin' hard into terror alert season. Did you see the all-pro exhibition match with bin Laden, Zawahiri and Bush as a warm-up for the SOTU? I gotta say, I really expected to see some new material. Just a little over four years in and already we're getting a greatest hits tour? I see a big slide in market share on the horizon.

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 16:11:32 GMT

If due to a hectic schedule you've missed seeing the new NBC sitcom "Four Kings", I suggest you build a shrine to your schedule and begin worshipping. I know the title says four, but unless I see them all together it feels more like 3 or maybe 2 3/4 Kings. There's the short snarky guy who had better be making a million bucks an episode for the hit his career is taking, and there's the goofy guy or I should say GOOFY GUY. Because he is goofy, we must never forget it. Occasionally he turns sideways to the camera and disappears. Short Guy is in the music business; I think that's going to be important to know for our longer term understanding and enjoyment. "I see you're brushing your teeth this morning Short Guy." "Yes I am, that's what people who work in the music business do." And then there's the other two. I know one of them has a hairy robot-man for a boss and the other one recently failed out of Actors' Smiling and Walking Studio. Wait, I was wrong, the smiling thing does differentiate them. The writers are top notch. At their preliminary meeting for last week's show someone said, "hey penises are funny, right?" So that's what we got. Goofy Guy was involved of course - pure comedy pewter. Several times during the show we are treated to a close-up of Creepy Guy smiling at some of the wacky antics. I know I shouldn't call him creepy, but I've sold my television to gypsies so I never have to see him smile again. I'm writing this during the show's time slot and I can feel the TV waves in the air. Please, stop the burning.

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 20:54:52 GMT

Christian ministers were enthusiastic at the early private screenings of "End of the Spear," made by Every Tribe Entertainment, an evangelical film company. But days before the film's premiere, a controversy erupted over the casting of a gay actor that has all but eclipsed the movie and revealed fault lines among evangelicals.

One Web log, nossobrii.blogspot.com, written by Kevin T. Bauder, president of Central Baptist Seminary in Minneapolis, stated in a Jan. 13 entry: "Granted, we must not overreact. And it would probably be an overreaction to firebomb these men's houses. But what they have done is no mistake. It is a calculated strategy." from here

So the burning theological questions in some evangelical households these days: Where does one go to purchase a firebomb? Am I paying too much for my firebombs? Can I order online?

Granted, we must not overreact. And it would probably be an overreaction to cut off the heads of Kevin T. Bauder's children.

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 18:05:44 GMT

Bush pledges to rise above election-year politics

"I recognize 2006 is a political year, but my job is to help rise above that and stay focused on results," Bush said in a Reuters interview.

Pig pledges to use his power of flight for good

"I recognize that I'm fat and have no wings, but my job is to rise above that and stay focused on results," Piggy said in a Reuters interview.

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 20:43:45 GMT

How to close a cereal box:

first close the long flap with the slot in it

then close both small side flaps

then the flap with the tab

note how the tension provided by the side flaps helps provide a tighter and more reliable seal

works great and it gives a bit too much insight into the quality of my intellect that I discovered this at the ripe old age of 51

How to read opinion polls:

approximately 70% of the country sees national politics as a big football game and will tend to always root, root, root for the home team

there seems to be about 40% of the country who, contrary to abundant evidence, believe Bush is infallible. so with any poll question where it is discernible which response is the pro-Bush answer, that response starts with a 40% base or floor

if, for example, this question were asked: is it OK for President Bush to stab puppies?, 40% of the country would assume that if Bush were stabbing them, the puppies must be terrorist puppies, and they would answer "yes" to the stabbing

a smaller percentage of people, approx. 30%, knows that Bush would find a way to screw up the arrangements for a dinner for two. You know, hire a Republican-owned printshop to do the invitations for $12 million, secretly tap the busboy's phone, torture the foreign sounding chef and then show up at the wrong restaurant in his swimsuit. So all questions with a Bush component will automatically receive the anti-Bush answer from this 30%.

so the next time you see poll results, if you wish to get a clearer picture of how the country feels, simply subtract 40% from the pro-Bush answer and 30% from the anti-Bush answer. Easy.

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 13:37:05 GMT

So far.....

...the Bush administration has failed to anticipate:

that al Qaeda might fly planes into buildings

that there might not be stockpiles of WMDs in Iraq

that there might be a strong (post 'mission accomplished insurgency

that it might be a good idea to guard the Iraqi ammo dumps with the same vigor as the oil ministry

that by ignoring Afghanistan, it might become the world's largest opium producer

that Iraqis might use their purple fingers to install a fundamentalist Islamic government

that Iraq might become best friends with Iran

that the New Orleans levies might fail

that putting Rove in charge of Gulf Coast reconstruction might turn it into a corrupt Republican boondoggle

that an unrestrained Republican congress might borrow the Enron model of fiscal discipline

that the sun might rise in the eastern sky

that taking the 'big tough Texan' approach to Iran might push them the wrong way

that implementation of their gift to big pharma, Medicare Part D, might be a big confusing expensive mess

that Hamas might win an election in Palestine

I know there are many more, these 14 came off the top of my head. Secretary of State Rice now begins every third sentence with the phrase, "I don't think anyone anticipated...." Note that neither she nor Bush nor Rummy nor McClellan ever says "I didn't anticipate", they always lump themselves in with a large but unnamed group of equally clueless folks.

Let's see if we can save our government officials and reporters some time. Let's all swear that from now on, whenever something bad happens, no matter how foreseeable it may have been, no matter how many did anticipate it, we will all just assume that BushCo has not. That by itself could save us up to a million man-hours a year, not to mention the newsprint and the TV time. I know this is confusing for many; the idea that those who got themselves elected by harping on how they are the only ones who can keep us safe, are in fact the ones wearing the rose-colored glasses. One might even notice a disturbing pattern here, and if one were a bit on the cynical side, think, "Gosh, several of these might be willful non-anticipation." It's a tough bone to chew, or it's a bitter pill to swallow, or it's sand in our underpants. Whatever it is, we've got three more years.

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 14:41:51 GMT

The Man Nobody Knows

Ladies and gentlemen, we have an exclusive live interview with Mrs. Jack Abramoff:

Earlier this month Jack Abramoff pled guilty to fraud, tax evasion and conspiracy to bribe public officials. Mrs. Abramoff, we know this must be a difficult time for you, please share with us; what are your feelings about your husband's guilty pleas?

Jack Abramoff? Who? What are you talking about?

I'm speaking of your husband Ma'am, Jack Abramoff.

You sure you have the right house?

Yes, I'm sure.

Let me see, I know so many people ......nope, sorry doesn't ring a bell. bye, bye

Wait, but Ma'am, your name is Mrs. Jack Abramoff. It's right here on the mailbox.

What? Do I look like a Jack to you? My name is Pam.

Your husband, the father of your five children, Jack Abramoff.

Listen here, I meet a lot of people. Maybe I've run into this Abramoff fella at the grocery store or the gas station, or maybe he's been living in my house without my knowledge, but I certainly don't know him.

And the children?

I'm a deep sleeper. A gal's got to sleep you know. I can hardly be blamed for the actions of a man who may be impregnating me against my will. Do you keep track of everything that happens while you're sleeping? Do you? Ha, I thought not, now get the hell outta here.

***

"There is a reason why Hashem (God) gave Jack the ability to earn so much money." --Pam (Mrs. Jack) Abramoff

I guess God has changed his mind. steve

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 20:11:28 GMT

I'd like to skip ahead a bit so I can be

first out with my headlines on the next

Supreme Court Nominee, Judge Joe Blow

Judge Blow: "Corporations are Fabulous, People not so much"

Bush Praises Blow, Wants Confirmation by 5:30

Blow Encourages Women, Congress to Defer, Yield, Submit

Bush on Blow: "Make that 3:15"

Judge Blow Highly Qualified - Loves God, Family, Home-Cookin'

Vicious Dems Insist on Questioning America's Judge

Three Hours In, Sen. Biden Wraps Up Preamble to First Question

Tears Flow from Mrs. Blow

Supreme Nominee Joe Blow Looks Headed for Confirmation

Biden Dons Scooby-Doo Outfit, Describes His Dream Breakfast

Republican Senators Replace Selves with Large Bobblehead Dolls

Mrs. Blow Severely Dehydrated, Confirmation is Deathbed Wish

Democrats Split on Judge Blow, Just Like al Qaeda Would Be

Filibuster Unlikely, Dems Keep Powder Dry for Possible Skeletor Nomination

Skeletor is a fictional character and arch-enemy of He-Man.

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 14:10:26 GMT

Play the Fun Fun Fundy Game

The 6 Step - Start with the Answer Fundy Game

Religion or Republican Edition

step 1 - craft a self-serving conclusion

step 2 - round up any data that might impact your conclusion

step 3 - contort all the data so they justify conclusion*

step 4 - discredit or ignore any data that resist your twist**

step 5 - lie*** to fill in the blanks

step 6 - demonize your opposition

* consistency and rationality are non-issues here. for instance, if last week you said we're winning in Iraq because of low casualties, this week you can say we're winning because of high casualties. trust me, your target audience either doesn't care or won't remember

** as you can see, after step 3 is fully employed, there won't be much to do here

*** for religious players, rather than lie, just make stuff up and say you have faith

bonus points for circular logic

have pretend arguments with yourself, just like Rummy

award yourself an extra spin whenever you feel like it

Play at home, play at work. It's Fun, it's Easy, it's Very Easy.

Testimonials from:

Scott McClellan, press secretary - "The trick is to first remove your soul."

Pat Robertson, God's right-hand man - "Step 6 is so much fun, sometimes I skip 1 thru 5."

V.P. Dick Cheney - "Go fuck yourself."

Ralph Reed, professional Christian - "You forgot step 0.1 - cash the check."

Osama B.L. - "Love the game, death to America."

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 16:00:01 GMT

The War Against Sitting

Not too long ago I noticed this headline (see below) in the Wall St. Journal. This was just after we had barely survived the traumatic "War on Christmas" so I knew it must be the dirty libruls again, finding one more way to destroy America.

The War Against Suburbia
Meet the folks who would abolish your backyard.
By JOEL KOTKIN

Gosh, not my backyard too, what's next? So, I thought I had best use my special access code to look at WSJ articles currently in development. Here's what I found:

The War Against Sitting

Do you like to sit down in a nice comfy chair or on the couch. Of course you do, almost everybody does. But if the liberals get their way, soon it will be illegal to sit down.

The War Against Sandwiches

There you are, relaxing on the couch (while you still can), and you tell your wife you want a sandwich. As you're describing how you want it prepared, which condiments, proper layering, etc, you chance to look up and you see wifey not paying attention. This is not the first time and you know the cause - Hillary style feminism.

The War Against Taking a Hot Bath

If the radical environmentalists prevail, it'll be 3 minute showers only. I don't know why, they just hate America.

The War Against Cowboys

Now with "Brokeback Mountain" in our culture will we American Men ever be able to admire a good-looking cowboy again? Or will we be accused of lusting after his manly bulge, of wanting to slip our hand in there. Oh the tight buttocks, oh the strong embrace, oh the salty taste. Dammit, those perverted liberals got me.

The War Against Laughing

Did you hear the one about the black guy who was too lazy to chase after white women? You never will thanks to liberal political correctness. It's now the one about the disadvantaged African American who is sexually repressed by the white power structure.