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Della
Anyone who has ever owned a pet understands Marge Rogers' deep sentiments
for her cat, Della. Rogers got Della just before her divorce 14 years ago,
and her ''flabby tabby'' kept her company through stretches of loneliness...
So when Della died two weeks ago, Rogers went into grieving. The night Della
was returned from the crematorium, Rogers invited several friends to her
Baltimore, Md., home to lament Della's death.
''We had a very spiritual ceremony,'' said Rogers, a Christian whose
brother, an ordained minister, later officiated at a formal ceremony
honoring Della's life. ''We ordered pizza and sat around and talked about
what a big, wonderful cat she was.''
- Carole Morello,
Wasshington Post
"Aye, my Della was a gold old cat, she was."
"A very good cat indeed, Marge. A cat to be
proud of. Ouch, this pizza's still hot."
"I'd go as far as to call her a fine pussy,
wouldn't you agree, Blanche?"
"Oh yes, Sally, a fine pussy indeed."
"Yes..."
"Mmm..."
"Remember the time when Della got caught in
the walnut tree and we couldn't get her down to save our lives?"
"Oh, heavens yes. What a day that was."
"And then the fire truck shows up and asks me
where the fire was, and I told them 'There's no fire, my cat is in the
tree'."
"Hee, hee, hee..."
"And then they said..."
"And then they said 'Wots that, mum, you say
your cat is in a bleedin' tree? Preposterous'."
"I could have died, I was laughing so hard."
"Yes... Five hundred dollar fine for unlawful
dispatching of emergency services... But at least I got my Della back..."
"You sure did..."
"But now she's gone... ahhboohoohoo."
"Here, Dear, have another slice of this
pepperoni. I'm sure you'll feel much better
"Wahhoohoohoo..."
"Oh dear."
"Wahhahahooo..."
"There's a slice of green pepper and sausage
left if you'd prefer..."
"Ahhh, hoo, hoo, ahuh ahuh ahuh..."
"She's not hyperventilating, is she?"
"AAAAH! AAAAH! AHOOAHOOAHOO..."
"Do something, Blanche, do something!"
"I don't know what... Uh... I know, I've got
just the thing. Let's share some kitty jokes!"
"Bwuhuhu, bwuhu... kitty jokes?"
"You know, Marge, some funny little stories
about the kitties."
"Sniff... well, you go ahead Blanche."
"All right, then, here's a riddle. What do
you get when you cross an elephant with a cat?"
"What?"
"A big furry creature that purrs while it
sits on your lap and squashes you to death."
"Oh... sniff... much like my Della, I
suppose... big old kitty."
"A very fat cat indeed, Marge. A hefty parcel
of love. I believe I'll have another slice."
"I'd go as far as to call her an enormous
pussy, wouldn't you agree, Blanche?"
"Oh yes, Sally, an enormous pussy indeed."
"Yes..."
"Mmm..."
"Your turn, Sally. Tell us your kitty joke."
"Okay, but I'm warning you - this joke's a
bit randy! Well, there was this little old lady..."
"Della wasn't really all that old. For a
cat."
"I agree, Marge, but the old lady in question
is absolutely ancient. And she's puttering around the house one day, in her
elderly sort of way, and she goes to polish her brass..."
"Polish her brass? Ah-ha, I bet I know where
this is going."
"And when she starts cleaning her
great-grandmother's lamp, a genie pops out. 'Land O'Goshen' she shouts.
That's one of those really old phrases which means 'Mercy me!' And the genie
tells her 'I grant you three wishes'. So she..."
"I know what I'd wish for... Sniff..."
"Hush, Marge. Let Sally finish her story."
"She doesn't have to think but a moment. 'I'd
like to be a beautiful young woman' she says, and POOF, she looks just like
Julie Christie in 'Doctor Zhivago'."
"Oh she was such a lovely young thing in
that."
"I much prefer her in 'McCabe and Mrs.
Miller', but that's just me, ever the renegade. What about her second wish?"
"She wished for world peace... Hahahaha, just
kidding. She wished she could be as rich as Queen Noor..."
"Ooh, good wish, that one. There's still
plenty of pizza, you all."
"The genie goes POOF, and..."
"Why do they always go poof?"
"Yes, why do they go poof? I've always
wondered about the very same thing."
"It's traditional."
"Mmm, I suppose... When do we get to the part
about the cat?"
"It's coming, Marge, I promise. So, getting
back to the story, she wishes to be rich, and Poof, money everywhere. Ah,
money, youth, beauty, what more could she ask for? Well, she looks at her
cat..."
"I wish I had a cat to look at..."
"...and she looks at the genie, and she says
'I need someone to share my good fortune with. Please, mister genie, turn my
little kitty into a handsome movie star. And the genie goes..."
"Poof!"
"Poof!"
"Poof, and there he stands, the spitting
image of George Clooney."
"Ooooh..."
"Ahhh..."
"That's what she said! And she just
about swooned. And so he walks over to her, leans down, and whispers in her
ear, 'too bad you cut off my balls, bitch'."
"Sally! Oh my god..."
"My Della didn't have any balls. Ahoohoohoo...
Sniff... But I did have her fixed when she was just a kitten. Sniff... And I
wonder sometimes if she's sitting up there in kitty heaven, hating me
because she never got to be a mommy."
"Probably, Marge. Probably."
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