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United States, North Carolina, Carrboro, English, Paul, Male, 56-60, All Music, All Food.

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Friday, November 29, 2002

Look! The economy is recovering! 8:01:40 PM    comment []

Word to yer mama, Salon Bloggers - microcosmically speaking, naturally, and with all due modesty, I think we have of touch of this here.Who knows what it might be? Thank you. Mark, for taking it to the next level. 7:17:14 PM    comment []

pssst...wanna buy a Quark Maker? 3:30:27 PM    comment []

TurduckenScan (tm) Okay, this is absolutely the last ever turducken entry to the blog. Half of this thing remained, even after sending generous portions home with all my guests. The 1-1/2" slices are being sealed in FoodSaver bags. My FoodSaver is in the same room as the computer. Twyla, the cat without a brain, follows me from kitchen to computer room as I seal each slice, then back again to the kitchen when I put it in the fridge. I put one on the scanner and here it is. A little blurry. The orange globs in the center are carrots in the dressing. To the left of that is a dark chunk of duck breast, a little more dressing, all surrounded by the quarter-moon turkey breast. A small portion of chicken breast is below the carrots, slightly to the right. All the rest is dressing. 2:08:51 PM    comment []

Last Turducken Post...Never again. Don't get me wrong, it is truly delicious. It's a lot of work, probably worth it, the fat from the duck breast slowly renders and leaches through the turkey breast, making it so tender it parts like the Red Sea for Charlton Heston minute it sees a fork comin' at it. The gravy was incredible. Liz made it, from stock simmered down to 2 cups from the bones of three fowl, as magnificent a stock as any King ever supped. She added the giblets and thickened it with Pillsbury Shake & Blend, roasting pan bridging two burners, mixing and scraping with a spatula, adding teaspoonsful of stock and pan drippings when needed, guided by an inner sense of what's right. And that's what was wrong. At the end, I was an intruder in my own kitchen. I didn't belong there and I knew it. Thanksgiving is the day Mothers return the love genuinely that is given to them nominally on Mothers' Day. Guys shouldn't be deep-frying turkeys that day, or sewing up turducken in the middle of the night before. Even in their own kitchen. It is a breech of the rules upon which the entire foundation of civilization rests. Sit on the sofa, watch football, take a nap. Don't be tempted to help in the kitchen except to carry finished dishes to the table on serving plates. The kitchen belongs to Mom on Thanksgiving. Every ugly disfunctional family battle I remember had its roots in the Thanksgiving kitchen. The gravy that was allowed to boil. The red wine spill on the floor. The oyster dressing that was "different". The onions everyone felt compelled to stir. They are not evil deeds in themselves, they are only tokens of serious territorial violations. Guys - stay out of the kitchen on Thanksgiving until it's time to clear the table and do the dishes. We should know that by now. 4:48:33 AM    comment []

Space junk mistaken for meteor shower SEATTLE, Washington (AP) -- A ball of fire streaking across the sky early Thursday had people throughout the Northwest flooding radio and television stations with calls reporting a meteor shower. The good news is that the UFO meme has about run its course. Now anything that lights up in the sky must be like them Leonids. "Lookee there, Irma, gray hair on a boy scout - ain't that the seventh sign? Let's call channel 8 and tell them the Apocalypse has begun. We might be on TV!" "No, Henry, you dumbass, that's only the sixth sign. Nobody gives a shit about it, it's not worth the dime - it'll get stuffed on page 6...if the editor has a sense of humor. According to the apocryphal Revelation of Saint Thomas, we don't have to worry about jackshit until this shit starts comin' down..." She lifts the remote off the end table, picks up a color printout, puts on her 2.25 di-opters and begins to read. "After that shall arise another king, a crafty man, who shall hold rule for a short space: in whose days there shall be all manner of evils, even the death of the race of men from the east even unto Babylon. And thereafter death and famine and sword in the land of Chanaan even unto Rome. Then shall all the fountains of waters and wells boil over and be turned into dust and blood. The heaven shall be moved, the stars shall fall upon the earth, the sun shall be cut in half like the moon, and the moon shall not give her light. There shall be great signs and wonders in those days when Antichrist draweth near." "Shit, you're smarter than you look, Honey - how do you know all this shit?" "Easy, Henry, I Googled it." 3:32:57 AM    comment []