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United States, North Carolina, Carrboro, English, Paul, Male, 56-60, All Music, All Food.

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Monday, December 23, 2002

Liz called and told me that an officer's mother at work (yeah, it's the poh-leece) had brought in a Christmas dinner in to feed "the force" today. Not just any Christmas dinner, a Southern Christmas Dinner. Turkey, ham, Hoppin' John, sweet potatoes, red potatoes with red beans, greens with jowl bacon, pie, and two different kinds of chocolate cake, including the red velvet kind that stains your teeth. It made me so hungry I went out and bought a ham. It's baking right now. When it's done, I'll put on a rubber suit and gloves and gnaw it right off the bone in the shower stall. It's a shank portion, usually slightly cheaper than the butt portion. I'm baking it real slow on a rack over beer. The drippings will get the fat strained off and with the bone become ham stock for navy beans. It's a fully cooked ham and doesn't need all this attention, but a slow rendering of the outer fat never harmed a ham. If I can control my impulses, I'll gently cut a thin slice and put it on toasted garlic bread, let the juices soak in a bit, and paint it with a tart bumpy mustard. Then I'll put on the rubber suit and gloves and eat the rest of the ham in the shower stall. 9:42:58 PM    comment []

When Safire needs Metamucil: In the aftermath of this flood of lachrymose leave-taking, this tsunami of tsoris, observers of cultural phenomena are obliged to judge the art of quitting. Ongepatcheket! (OED owners and subscribers: "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine") 3:36:29 PM    comment []

We're having our third consecutive sunny and mild day, warm enough to go shopping without a coat. It was a short shopping season to begin with and the ice storm took out another week. Therefore, it was really stupid of me to believe that I could pick up demi-glace concentrate at A Southern Season today. Approaching it on 15-501 from the south, the left turn lane was backed up for a quarter mile. I drove by and made a right into another shopping center in an attempt to prove the theory that 3 rights equal a left (in navigation, if not politics). The last right was not to be, traffic on the road going directly into Eastgate was backed up as far as the eye could see. I backed up and drove up the access road to attempt a northern strategy. A mile or so up the road got me to a light. An easy left there had me aimed back at A Southern Season. I exited to a sparsely used access road that takes you by the 501 Diner and I was almost there. It would be as close as I would get. The parking lot was overflowing. Cars stalked shoppers with bags to their parking spots and waited when they reached their car. Behind them, impatient drivers honked. Once again, I turned around, found the speediest exit, and came straight home. Almost straight home. I stopped at Food Lion and bought some shittake mushrooms, a bottle of wine, and a box of clementines, no not that kind, this kind. I wonder how a clementine margarita would taste, say 7 parts clementine juice, 2 parts Sauza Hornitos, 1 part Grand Marnier, and one part lime juice? 2:12:46 PM    comment []

This thing grated a half cup of Romano cheese in a matter of seconds. The polycarbonate frame around the blade is strong and sexy. The Santaprene handle is sturdy and easy to grip. The grating perforations are perfect. This one is for fine grating, but they make others. The Romano cheese I grated was feathery and light. I bought it for the truffle (eat your heart out, Steve), but it's going to see a lot of use. They call it a Microplane. They can call it anything they like, it's serious. It has a good story too: It started out in 1990, merely as a new type of woodworking tool with hundreds of tiny stainless steel razors designed to shape or to file wood. The big moment came in 1994, when Lorraine Lee, a homemaker in Ottawa, Canada, was making an Armenian orange cake. Out of frustration with her old grater, she picked up a new tool her husband, Leonard, had brought home from their hardware store, Lee Valley Tools. She slid the orange across its blades and was amazed. Lacy shards of zest fell from its surface like snowflakes. The Lees marveled at the tool, ate the cake, then promptly changed the product description in their catalogue. The Microplane® grater had earned permanent space in the kitchen. No matter the shape: box, flat, or rotary, the graters currently sold in shops around the world have been made the same for hundreds of years. The cutting edges are formed by punching holes into flat or curved stainless steel or tin. Grating anything firmer than cheddar cheese is a real chore. Microplane® graters' tiny razor-like edges are formed by a totally different process called photo-etching in which holes are dissolved with a chemical, leaving edges that finely slice the food (or wood!) instead of tearing or shredding. 6:15:34 AM    comment []

Mango Vinaigrette (from page 179 of Bruce Aidells’ Complete Sausage Book)   ½ mango, peeled and cut up ½ cup vegetable oil 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar 2 tablespoons packed fresh mint leaves ½-inch piece fresh ginger, peeled and chopped Freshly grated zest of ½ lemon 1 clove garlic Sriracha Thai chili sauce (or Tabasco) Salt and freshly ground black pepper   Combine the mango, oil, vinegar, mint, ginger, lemon zest, and garlic in a food processor or blender. Process until smooth. Add a dash or two of chili sauce, salt and pepper to taste. 5:41:54 AM    comment []

Strom Thurmond Breaks Silence On Lott, Issues Blistering Rebuke To Someone   Charleston SC (AP). A bevy of reporters camped outside Strom Thurmond’s converted plantation mansion were rewarded tonight when the retired Senator obligingly broke his silence on the Trent Lott brouhaha. He appeared on the veranda shortly before midnight EST. Reading slowly, but steadily, from a large-print prepared statement, the Senator appeared calm and sedated. Anxious reporters attempted to take notes, but had difficulty hearing him.   A tape of Senator Thurmond’s statement was flown to Langley Air Force Base where experts are “98% certain” it is coherent. Technical analysis of the tape, which included doubling the speed to make it comprehensible to Yankees and people under 90, allowed an official transcript to be released. “Sounds like he’s really pissed-off at someone,” confided Specialist Steve Radison, head of the crack team that produced the transcript in a little under 7 hours.   The Unedited Official Transcript Sum sare angeald æfenræste, swa him ful oft gelamp, siþðan goldsele Grendel warode, unriht æfnde, oþþæt ende becwom, swylt æfter synnum. þæt gesyne wearþ, widcuþ werum, þætte wrecend þa gyt lifde æfter laþum, lange þrage, æfter guðceare. Grendles modor, ides, aglæcwif, yrmþe gemunde, se þe wæteregesan wunian scolde, cealde streamas, siþðan Cain wearð to ecgbanan angan breþer, fæderenmæge; he þa fag gewat, morþre gemearcod, mandream fleon, westen warode. 4:05:35 AM    comment []