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Thursday, January 30, 2003

In Startling Course Reversal, Bush Reveals Secret Evidence Of Roman Atrocities Italy Added To Axis Of Evil United Nations Divided Over Multiplying Options "NOT about Lasagna!" Ari Fleischer reveals to bound and gagged Press Corps NEW YORK (AP) - President Bush, using a Powerpoint Presentation supplemented by breath-taking conventional visual aids provided by a former aide of Ross Perot, presented selected UN Representatives, from countries who have been sucking-up to him in hopes of receiving financial aid, with "incontrovertabrate evidence" of Italian soldiers torturing and killing Israeli infants on orders from an Egyptian leader. The evidence, confiscated from an insolvent London auction house (which is conveniently located within a block of a newly-built mosque where known suspected terrorists have been observed attempting to congregate), was assertively cited as "smoking material evidence" to the groveling and starving Eastern European supplicants. "Normally," he continued, using the occasion to demonstrate his legendary wit, "when you think of Pee Wee Herman, you either think of those old 78s your mother used to play or some twit wanking - as Tony likes to put it - in a Sarasota porn house. Now we learn he was also a double agent named, uh, Paul Rubens, able to work undercover as well, doing faith-based intelligence work!" Since no translator was present at the meeting, representatives from EU members Britain, Spain, Portugal and Denmark and applicants Poland, Hungary and the Czech Republic eagerly signed compliance documents in exchange for 20-dollar bills and a 50%-off coupon good for the sandwich of their choice at Subway, which has recently added a kosher menu in response to overwhelming consumer demand. The Italian representative abstained, citing "uno stomaco ammalato." Ari Fleischer, summoned from the grave for the occasion, simultaneously appeared at the White House press room and insisted that reporters remove their trousers and be bound and shackled before he revealed the President's brilliant new initiative to them. "We know where you work," he joked. "We know who pays you and they've put some big bucks into the President's campaign coffers just to give you the privilege of attending this historical moment. It would be really disappointing if one of you fucked-up and gave the wrong impression." "It's NOT about Lasagna," he continued. "It's not about Lasagna", he repeated as one of the reporters began lurching, as though gasping for air. "It is most certainly not about Lasagna. Do I need to repeat that?" 7:46:34 PM    comment []

Goetta Detail Enlarged from the photo shown below (or "above", if you live in the topsy-turvy world of blogging). 5:41:23 PM    comment []

A cross-section of one of the smaller goetta loaves made last night. Looks kinda like meatloaf, no? There's not really that much difference, at least from ingredients. There was a suggestion in one the of the sources I used to line the loaf pans with parchment. Next time, I'll do that. This one put up a bit of a fight coming out, but loosening the sides with a table knife and an assist from gravity got the job done. 5:29:57 PM    comment []

Normally, I'd be insulted if called unpatriotic, but after reading some more Mark Twain thoughts on patriotism I get the feeling he would have used it a compliment. Here are a few more doozies: Patriotism is usually the refuge of the scoundrel. He is the man who talks the loudest. - Education and Citizenship speech, 5/14/1908 Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. - More Maxims of Mark, Johnson, 1927 The soul and substance of what customarily ranks as patriotism is moral cowardice--and always has been. - Mark Twain's Notebook [Patriotism] ...is a word which always commemorates a robbery. There isn't a foot of land in the world which doesn't represent the ousting and re-ousting of a longline of successive "owners" who each in turn, as "patriots" with proud swelling hearts defended it against the next gang of "robbers" who came to steal it and did--and became swelling-hearted patriots in their turn. - Mark Twain's Notebook We have a bastard Patriotism, a sarcasm, a burlesque; but we have no such thing as a public conscience. Politically we are just a joke. - marginalia written in Clemens' copy of The Future in America; A Search After Realities by H. G. Wells 2:15:10 PM    comment []

pssst - want read some Mark Twain quotes? For example, under the letter "P", "Patriotism": Man is the only Patriot. He sets himself apart in his own country, under his own flag, and sneers at the other nations, and keeps multitudinous uniformed assassins on hand at heavy expense to grab slices of other people's countries, and keep them from grabbing slices of his. And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood of his hands and works for "the universal brotherhood of man"- with his mouth. - "The Lowest Animal" 10:39:10 AM    comment []

Found another History Of Goetta page, this one compiled by David A. Hoying, a native of Minster, OH where a lot of low country Germans settled. Here's his table about the origins of the word goetta: "göte" "götte" Plattduutsk gorte  - Oldenburg dialect güötte - Westphalian dialect   (in the Oldenburg dialect     the "r" is swallowed when pronounced)    High German Cognate "grütze =  "pealed grain"   (this gives then another name for Goetta - "gritz")   English Cognate "groats" = "hulled grain broken into fragments"   (I'd previously cited Dan Glier as the creator of this table. He is in fact the son of Robert Glier who created Glier's Good Goetta shortly after WW II. He was the founder of Glier's and son Dan is the current president of the company) 7:12:43 AM    comment []

Blessed Are The Cheesemakers Fascinating Slate report from Monteverde, Costa Rica, by Natalie Angier, about Quaker cheese production there: Why are there Quakers in Monteverde? As it happens, they founded the place. Way, way back in the Precambrian era—the early 1950s—a group of Quaker farmers were casting about for a peaceful place to live. Four of them had protested the 1948 Universal Military Training Act by refusing to register for the draft, and they were promptly jailed. After serving a few months time, they and their families and friends decided they wanted to find a less militaristic home base. Canada was too cold, Mexico was too strict about who could own land. How about Central America? None of them spoke Spanish, but, hey, Costa Rica had just abolished its army. So, in 1951, seven families headed south, bought 3,400 acres in the Tilarán Mountains, above then-prevalent threat of malaria, dengue, dysentery, and the like, and hacked their way up by oxcart. They named their pacifist haven Monteverde. To earn money, they started a cheese farm, poking holes in Quaker Oats cans to grow the cheese molds; and they are still trafficking in lactose, in a hugely expanded operation—7,000 pounds a day—and their cheeses and ice cream are delicious. Her journalistic standards prevented here from using the Life Of Brian pun, but it didn't stop me! The Quaker cheese story gives it added depth. Made me hungry too. Many online sources, especially travel, mention a cheese factory tour in Monteverde. They say you can buy cheese at the store there, but there doesn't seem to be any online source for this cheese. Say, did you know that John Cleese's grandfather had the surname "Cheese", but changed it when he joined the military? It's not much of a cheese shop, is it? Oh well, I tried, don't shoot me. 6:13:40 AM    comment []