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Friday, March 21, 2003

Why are all the war experts on NPR coughing so much tonight? Are they trying to send "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" clues to Major Charles Ingram? This affliction is being called the "Kuwaiti Cough", now turn your head the other direction. 6:45:26 PM    comment []

A Hands-Off President Jumps In The official's account not only revealed how he made the decision to take the country to war but also illustrated how deeply Bush, who likes to delegate, has been involved in making the decisions. kinda reminds you of Gandhi, no? - or maybe some other foreign leader from the mid-20th century. 6:04:23 PM    comment []

Tonight, the made-for-TV war hits prime time with lotsa big booms and rockets' red glare. As usual, I'm tuned out, taking some time to watch Bowling For Columbine. Michael Moore hit a responsive chord in me with Roger And Me, since I had met Roger while working for General Motors and had spent a couple of years in Flint, MI, attending GMI. That was the "before" Flint. His midwest understated humor is the stuff I grew up on, it's like goin' home. Make me laugh, Michael, at the hopelessness of it all. After I'm finished laughing at the hopelessness of it all, I plan to smoke some salmon this weekend. Ha-ha-ha, someone out there is thinking of saying "How do you keep them lit?" Can I tell you how funny I think that is after hearing it several hundred times? Can I tell you what I think of the "Oh, I'm so witty!" smirk on your face after you've recited the petrified canard? No, of course I can't, because that would be rude and rudeness is as bad as stupidity. What I plan to do is equally tedious and boring as old jokes and self-appointed cliche cops - I'm going to use this project as an excuse to take some photographs of my Bradley Smoker. It is a thing of beauty and, like my computer, a joy forever to boot. Some salmon is already in the fridge, purchased on a Harris Teeter insider tip from Liz who baked a piece topped with the ghee I'd purchased for her at the Indian market. "pssst...it's $3.97 a pound there," she whispered on Wednesday. I bought two pounds tonight, then wondered why I hadn't bought more when I got home. Each filet (the breast halves, not the tails - which are too thin to take the smoke kindly) weighs about a pound. Eight of those would be an easy chore for the Bradley, though it could handle as many as sixteen. The time for marinating (about 8 hours) and smoking (about 12) are the same. Economy of scale. Vacuum sealed, they'll keep for months. I call my recipe "Salmon Dave". 5:27:51 PM    comment []

Easy-Lock Wire Tongs On February 2, I ordered the Chef Wizard tongs. perhaps enticed by the subtle charm of Television Food Expert Cathy Mitchell. They emailed me and told me to expect 4-6 weeks on delivery. They have now exceeded their self-imposed window by 5 days. Each day, I rush home from work filled with anticipation of the fresh experience of turning a fragile frying fish filet with extended dexterity rivaling a sushi chef. Each day, I run to the mailbox, seeing if hidden inside is the orange cylindrical key that grants me one time access to the package bins. But it is never there. Each day, I return to my kitchen sullen and heartbroken, unable to deftly twist lemons in the air or toss salad without it getting messy. Where, oh where, are my Chef Wizard tongs? Did they run off with my colander? Now that I've seen the Kuhn Rikon wire tongs with their patented Easy Lock button, I am feeling terminal buyer's remorse. They are everything the Chef Wizard could have been and more. They are not a figment of my imagination, they are stainless steel. Why, oh why, did I order the Chef Wizard? Gather ye not rosebuds, Cathy.  4:55:46 PM    comment []

Familiar, Haunting Words Jimmy Breslin is alive and well and writing at newsday.com. This week, he discusses the speech that signaled the beginning of World War II. 8:15:49 AM    comment []