Surprises abound here in Carrboro. Today’s surprise does not have a sforzando, but it does have a madrigalism.
Let me explain (as if I didn’t have to).
Each day, you might recall, I rush home filled with anticipation, hoping that my Chef Wizard tongs have arrived. Tomorrow, it will be two months since I ordered. My gait to the mailbox is halting the past few days. I truly believe the tongs are in there, but they hide. Maybe I’ll have better luck if I sneak up on them. I try not to look at the mailbox until I’m just in front of it, key ready. I pretend to look for the “mailbox bee”, a large bumblebee that gets his jollies buzzing in the faces of people getting their mail. Maybe the rows and columns of the apartment mailboxes resemble a gigantic hive to him. I know he’s probably a she, I studied Biology, but he acts like a guy, intimidating and threatening for no apparent reason whatsoever.
The mailbox bee was not there tonight, but neither were the Chef Wizard tongs. Inside the box was a flyer for Wal-Mart, probably with specials on night vision goggles. Ah, but underneath that was a USPS package notification. A package that was too big for the box, one that had to be left at the office.
I slammed the car into reverse and headed straight to the office. There I looked in the “package closet” for, could it be, might it be, my Chef Wizard tongs? No tong-shaped packages there. The ones closest in size had other apartment numbers on them. There was one on the upper left from amazon.com, but I hadn’t ordered anything from them. But wait (luckily, there is no package closet bee), check the address – it is for me. Wonder if the folks at Chef Wizard gave up figuring out how to mail packages and turned the job over to Amazon?
When I got back to my apartment, there were many little tasks to do. Fill the bird feeders, put away the groceries, feed the cats. Finally, I got around to opening the package.
No. No tongs. It was a CD. Maybe it was the Pasion Segun San Marcos composed by Osvaldo Golijov that I’d ordered last October from Amazon, only to have them cancel it when they couldn’t find it. I tore at the packaging and finally released…J.S. Bach, Christmas Oratorio, the Monteverdi Choir, The English Baroque Soloists, conducted by John Eliot Gardiner. Hey, that’s pretty nice, even though it’s no Chef Wizard. Problem is, I didn’t order it.
Okay, anyone with common sense has quit reading this long-winded account by now, so I’ll cut to the chase for those few so desperate for reading material that they haven’t clicked the back button several times by now. I found the invoice and it was a present from Sylvie! Unlike sister Ruth, who may request a pseudonym change anytime if that bothers her, I know Sylvie likes the name “Sylvie”
One time, we could have been Mickey and Sylvia, if only we’d found a Barry Gordy. Sylvie and I became friends at music school. For her voice lessons, I sometimes accompanied her on guitar. She had one instructor who made her lay flat on the floor to sing, which was supposed to develop her diaphragm or something. She has the voice of an angel; angels do not require diaphragms. Once we did a song Have You Seen But A White Lily Grow. The lyrics are by Ben Johnson, but I was in an irreverent state of mind as I struggled through it the first time, sight-reading as she sang with her usual understated authority.
There is a madrigalism on the word “grow” from the title. When I heard Sylvie sing it the first time, I guffawed and then so did she. It is a bad madrigalism. There are great madrigalisms, like those of J.S. Bach, that don’t reach out and grab and say “listen to me, I am musical notes squirming like a snake.” But that one on “grow” is like the Call To Post at The Kentucky Derby. You become the white lily right down to manufacturing chlorophyll. It is not so much a bad madrigalism as a funny one. However, we did recover, but when she got to the line “before the earth has smuched it”, it was all over. What does that word mean? Is he making up words just to rhyme “touched it?” By then, rehearsal was done and I don’t remember doing the song again unless we needed a laugh. Thank you, Sylvie, for the laughter and the CD.
6:42:12 PM 
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Rumsfeld single-handedly 