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United States, North Carolina, Carrboro, English, Paul, Male, 56-60, All Music, All Food.

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Tuesday, April 29, 2003

Another "Love Note" to the DVR. I set it to record Driver 23 (never to be confused with excellent blogger Driver 8, who is 15 cars ahead of Driver 23, especially in appreciation of the master of sleaze, Ken Russell) and at 5:30pm, right in the middle (technically, 2/3s of the way through) the DVR apparently switched over to record The Daily Show on Comedy Central, same one with the Governor Dubya vs. President Dubya debate it recorded last night at 11:00pm. Well, guess what - it recorded them both!  BTW, the Earth Day Daily Show had a feature on Carrboro and French Appreciation Month. That's a keeper. 8:18:16 PM    comment []

Saddam's mouthpiece 'seeks surrender' Former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf is attempting to surrender to US forces, according to a London-based Arabic newspaper. But Al-Sharq al-Awsat says the Americans have refused to arrest Mr Sahhaf - who became a familiar face during the war with his upbeat assessments of Iraqi military "successes" - because he does not appear on their "most wanted" list of 55 former regime officials.   The Iraqi regime has violated all of those obligations. It possesses and produces chemical and biological weapons. It is seeking nuclear weapons. It has given shelter and support to terrorism and practices terror against its own people. They are going to surrender or be burned in their tanks. Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof -- the smoking gun -- that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud. My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all. He hasn't disarmed, so the clarity of vision that took place four months ago I'm confident will be in place after the Security Council takes a good look at the facts. Americans are wild donkeys He's my man - he was great! (Applause, laugh track, fade) 8:03:26 PM    comment []

Cygnet Shiitake Canyon 7:01:26 PM    comment []

The close-up lenses arrived. This is a 10x lens focused on a ~3/8" area of a strip steak that has been coated with kosher salt and coarsely-ground pepper. Those white chunks are the pepper! The meat has aged and is dark brown on the surface. The salt has melted into the surface causing the reflective pools of moisture. The plan is to let that evaporate another hour, spray it with olive oil, then pan-broil it. 5:54:31 PM    comment []

You Can Trust Your Car To The Man Who Wears The Star   Hello. I am the Texaco Man (not pictured). I am a man as solid as a gas pump with minimal facial features and a slightly blue tint. My right arm is permanently set into a steely salute. Many strong men were tested to play me, but they all failed and, in the end, the board of directors decided that a cartoon Texaco Man would be better than a real one. I stand for erupting oil wells, infinitely long pipelines, and tankers large enough to see from outer space. No human could live up to all that, because humans are entirely too weak.   I am here to discuss the orange beams you have reported to the authorities, the ones you say appear to be projected from high-flying aircraft. You suggested 50,000 feet. It’s a really fantastic story, I must admit. You said you noticed it painting your barn, like a laser, only much wider, about 35 feet or "half a barn," as you so poetically put it. You didn’t say it, but you suspected it was searching for thermal patterns from pot plants growing under lights. You are so paranoid (chuckle)!   Not about the orange beams. They are real, but I’ll have to ask you not to mention them again. There was a freakish atmospheric disturbance that made them temporarily visible last night. Normally they are safely infrared, but there was an ionic imbalance caused by temporary dispersal of the Van Allen belt that shifted the beams into the visible portion of the spectrum. We won’t let that happen again!   We really don’t care about your pot plants, or the ones your neighbor is growing either. What we’re doing is activating chemicals we place in your soil fertilizers. One vaporizes into a gas that causes deep fear and another produces hatred. Then we use our corporate media to direct these emotions at selected targets appropriate to the needs of our business. We consider this an expression of our first amendment rights of free speech.   So it would be terribly un-American of you to mention the “orange rays” again to anyone. First of all, they will dismiss you offhand as a kook and you wouldn’t want that. If you say the Texaco Man told you the details, they will laugh at you behind your back. – imagine, “he says a cartoon character speaks to him!” If you do convince anyone, we have other means. Remember the Raelians and Clonaid? Clonaid really is cloning humans and at a more phenomenal rate than even the submissive press suspects. We’ve made thousands of humans! We’re training them to work for next to nothing and vote however we tell them. We also created the Raelians! We needed a group of kooks that we could tie to the cloning project and instantly marginalize the headlines if word of the project leaked. That worked like a charm. Now we’re keeping an eye on you an your orange mind control beams. We have 50 old guys with aluminum foil wrapped around their heads ready to concur with any further public statements you might make. How would you like to be their guru?   Oh…may I check your oil, sir? 5:12:50 AM    comment []