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Friday, July 25, 2003

Maybe those uncivilized Iraqi twits will understand we mean business when Don Rumsfield dons a bearskin caveman suit, impales the heads of Uday and Qusay on spears and goes charging down the streets of Baghdad during Ramadan beating his chest and screaming “EEGAH! EEGAH!”   I realize there are some problems with this picture. First of all, the center of gravity on the head laden spears would be high and they would topple the minute he relaxed his grip. So, maybe he’d have to implant them in the sand before beating his chest. Also, if he was running, he would have to stop while he implanted the spears in the sand. So, okay, he runs screaming “EEGAH! EEGAH!” with the spears, stops suddenly, and implants them into the sand. Then he looks straight into the camera, modestly adjusts the neck strap on his bearskin so as not reveal his right nipple, puts on his bifocals, does his trademark twitchy <blinkety-blink-blink> and says "I feel it was the right decision and I'm glad I made it.”   And he’s a sensitive man, so he’d never do it during Ramadan.     By the way, if you like “EEGAH! EEGAH!” you oughta enter the Google Cut Up Poetry contest. Don’t do anything spectacular or you might get first or second prize. Write something that has “moments of brilliance” but lacks a coherent underlying theme. Good enough that Mark can’t ignore it, but not quite good enough for win or place. For an example of something too good for “EEGAH! EEGAH!” check out this one by Christopher Key at The Barbaric Yawp:   JOIE DE VIVRE   Authentic French specialties famous artists such as Leonetto Capiello simple French style for everyday living Joie So-Real and Midnight Rider pants something special has been created on St. Martin book Joie de Vivre hotels online and save the Picasso Museum at the Chateau Grimaldi in Antibes like many artists such as Grahame Greene and Guy de Maupassant het alternative muziccafe in Maastricht sur ce site, vous trouverez toutes les activités proposes j’ai change ma vie Picasso’s joy in living is revealed les personages sont attachant malgré leurs défauts the rails ran hot to Montreal in the 1920s and 1930s 8:29:13 PM    comment []

Hackleback Sturgeon - Hackleback Sturgeon – (Scaphiryhnchus platoryhnchus) is indigenous to the Missouri and Mississippi River systems. It is smaller and faster growing than most of the other sturgeon species growing to about 38 inches at maturity. The roe is dark, small in size and has a very mild subtle flavor. 3:51:14 PM    comment []

Caviar Emptor   Yes, I coulda been a headline writer, been somebody, coulda been an offender. With that out of the way, I left work early today and on the way home decided to stop by A Southern Season and see if they had any paddlefish caviar.   I found the salmon roe and the inevitable lumpfish caviar on a shelf by the smoked salmon and decided quickly that they didn’t have any.   However, on the way out, I asked an employee (this guy has helped me before and he knows his stuff) and he walked me back to the refrigerated cases. There they had North Carolina trout roe and hackleback sturgeon caviar.   The latter is about the same price as the paddlefish, which they didn’t have, and I had my heart set. Then he (the employee, not the paddlefish – this isn’t going to turn into a Sopranos episode) told me the reason they sold the hackleback. They deliver the roe by C-section, sew the fish back up, and release it. I thought about that a bit, but I still wanted paddlefish. Oh, what the heck, let’s try it anyway. When I got home, I got zero hits on “hackleback” and “C-section”, fooie!, this is a really good story, I’ll tell it anyway. ‘Ove’ Glove believes me.   I didn’t ask if they anesthetize the poor fish before they steal its eggs. 3:44:37 PM    comment []

Remembrances of things civilized… “The necessary restrictions on the rigour of punishments have nothing to do with the deserts of those receiving them: indeed it is difficult to imagine a punishment so harsh that it would have been unjust to Myra Hindley. No: punishments are kept within bounds not for the sake of justice, but to maintain the humanity of those administering them, and the civilisation of society in general.” -Theodore Dalrymple 6:19:19 AM    comment []

Hearts And Minds – Special Newspaper for the Holy Day! Friday (Jumu'ah) is the best day of the week. Abu Hurairah reports that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alehi wasallam said: "The best day on which the sun rises is Friday. [On Friday] Adam was created and on that day he entered paradise and on that day he was expelled from paradise. And the Hour will come to pass on Friday." This is related by Muslim, Abu Dawud, an-Nasa'i, and at-Tirmizhi who calls it sahih. US defends Saddam sons' photos There had been intense debate in Washington over releasing the photos of Uday and Qusay, as the US does not usually publish pictures of dead combatants. A BBC correspondent in Baghdad, says television crews will be allowed to film the bodies of both men on Friday and - unusually for the holy day - a newspaper is being published carrying the images. Mr Rumsfeld said the publication of pictures would save American and coalition lives and prove that Iraq's former rulers would not return. The BBC's Nick Bryant in Washington says some Pentagon generals found the release "repugnant". 4:49:18 AM    comment []

Saudi Arabia denies terror links Referring to the secret section of the report, the Saudi ambassador to the US, Prince Bandar bin Sultan, said "28 blanked-out pages are being used by some to malign our country and our people". "Saudi Arabia has nothing to hide. We can deal with questions in public, but we cannot respond to blank pages." The White House has blocked publication of the section of the report dealing with the alleged Saudi involvement, so full details of the accusations are not known. Blanked-out pages used as evidence? Who are these “some?” I haven’t seen any fingers of blame pointing at Riyadh, at least not since the report was released  There is, of course, a perfectly obvious way for folks with a clear conscience to respond to blank pages - say nothing. Even if you have a guilty conscience, it's not a good idea to draw attention to yourself. Prince Bandar bin Sultan has exposed himself as a rank amateur. Maybe he can get some tutelage from the master next time he's down on the ranch. 4:22:33 AM    comment []