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Tuesday, September 23, 2003

WASHINGTON (CON) -- Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the alleged mastermind of the September 11 attacks has given U.S. interrogators names of 734 additional terrorists, all named “Dave” Over 700 terrorists were included in the original plans for 9/11 originally conceived by Mohammed and Osama bin Laden back in 1996, U.S. government sources say. Coincidentally, they are all either named “Dave” or use that common name as an alias. Airport security has been alerted and will do thorough body cavity searches on all suspects meeting the descriptions provided. Arrested in Pakistan in March Mohammed is now a U.S. prisoner being held at an undisclosed location. With little additional coaching, Mohammed also revealed that the prototype plan did not involve any hijacked aircraft, but several herds of Mongolian elephants fed large amounts of Mexican food, PCP, and Ex-Lax before being turned loose on the streets of Washington, New York, and Scarsdale. This plan was discarded only after Mohammed’s pet monkey, Julius, informed him that trucking 400 elephants into each city might raise suspicions. Accused of being the prime plotter of the September 11 attacks, Mohammed paints a picture of bin Laden playing a central role in the final planning stages, scaling them down to improve their chances and suggesting the hijacking of commercial aircraft. U.S. Officials denied reports that sleep-deprivation since April has contaminated Mohammed’s mental capacities to the point that they might be getting spurious information from hallucinations. FBI analyst Melvin Levict revealed to reporters that Mohammed “just opened up one day in June” and has been cooperating ever since. “We can’t shut him up!” Levict boasted. “He’s already confessed to the Lindbergh kidnapping 11 times!" 5:31:09 PM    comment []

Thanks again to runswithscissors - this time for a link to this pork roast recipe at Textism. Here's an exceprt: Browning. I suppose this could be done in some soulless, flavourless polyunsaturated oil, but please, if you can, suspend any lingering Eighties cholesterol paranoia and get some god damned pork lard. This could be bacon dripping collected in a coffee can, or a chunk of fat from the butcher, or go all DIY and do the slaughter and rendering yourself. In France they sell saindoux pur porc in foil bricks, like butter. Note that if you do use bacon dripping, some of its salt will be absorbed by the roast, so less will be needed later. After reading that, be sure to stop by runswithscissors and see the intricate spiderweb photos. Spiderwebs, like clouds, are not easy to photgraph effectively. 4:35:35 PM    comment []

From the “fucked” BBC, this headline:   Bush unbending on Iraq   So now they’ve settled on one story…but why is Bush going to the UN just to tell them he doesn’t need them? That end would be served by ignoring them.   One logical explanation: The "moderates" arranged the UN dog & pony show while the hardliners were under siege because of faltering public support for current Iraq foreign policy but, with Bremer back in town, the hardliners retrenched and are now firmly back in control. Bush is left to act out their ideological unilateralism on the world stage.   I doubt he'll beat his shoe on the table, but the mixed messages are getting way strange. The peanut gallery will love the presentation and use the predictable reaction (outrage) as another example of the irrelevance of the UN. With an $87 billion bill for this binge coming due, this show is likely to get mixed reviews nationally - if not in the National Review. 2:52:07 AM    comment []