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United States, North Carolina, Carrboro, English, Paul, Male, 56-60, All Music, All Food.
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Paul Hinrichs:
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Thursday, November 20, 2003 |
Uh, wait a second…
You are a parent and your preteen child has cancer and “makes a wish” to spend some face time with, uh, Michael Jackson. What? Your kid is only 12 and the only way Jacko has been in the news for his entire lifetime is settling a strange lawsuit for megabucks (hmmm…) and dangling his own kid out a hotel window. Yes, you think, wouldn’t it be wonderful if my child, before the good Lord takes him away, could spend a little quality time with Michael Jackson.
11:59:16 PM 
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"As we have seen, terrorists really don't care who they blow up or who they target." – US President George W. Bush
TOP SECRET! (I mean it, really, don’t tell anyone about this) An organization whose name is so secret even that the people who work there don’t know what it is (though they do know that they make bombs) today announced a major breakthrough in the never-ending war against Evil People – a bomb that will not detonate if even one righteous person is within its hemisphere of instant death.
Nicknamed Abraham’s Prayer, the bomb consists of a conventional explosive connected by super-secret circuitry to a very special fuse that simultaneously broadcasts the message “Wilt Thou Also Destroy The Righteous With The Wicked?” in 73 languages, including Arabic and Aramaic, and waits for a sign from God to send the detonation pulse.
Conceptually similar to The Holy Hand Grenade, which was disastrously effective during the last Crusades, Abraham’s Prayer simply will not destroy the pure of heart. It is merciful and omnipresent, so when evil rears its ugly head it sends forth a thousand tiny scrubbing bubbles to remove Satanic scum effortlessly, but will not scratch the delicate enamel of Christian souls – and there are no nauseating fumes or messy cleanup because evil souls are instantly dispatched to Hell!
This should eliminate any confusion over whose bombs are morally superior, eh, mate?
5:14:01 PM
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Little Minds And Big Bombs
Lookee here:
Military officials in Iraq and at the Pentagon revealed that F-16 fighter bombers based in Qatar dropped two 2,000- pound satellite-guided bombs on Ba'athist camps in Baquba, a pro-Saddam hotbed 20 miles northwest of Baghdad, as part of Operation Iron Hammer.
Maj. Gordon Tate, spokesman for the Army's 4th Infantry Division, said the camps were "suspected to have been used for bomb-making."
Fighter bombers also dropped two 1,000-pound bombs on "terrorist targets" near the northern Iraqi oil city of Kirkuk this week.
Just last week, we tried 500-pound bombs. Apparently they weren’t big enough. I suspect the decision to use larger bombs came from the mind of a career military person. The logic is, you keep using larger bombs until you achieve the desired effect. Maybe they need to come home and work on their houses. Anyone who has done that knows that, if the hammer don’t do the job, the answer is not a bigger hammer. Maybe you need a screwdriver.
6:32:50 AM
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