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United States, North Carolina, Carrboro, English, Paul, Male, 56-60, All Music, All Food.

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Tuesday, December 30, 2003

Well, it’s ready now. I’m ready to dig right in, but the box says to let it stand 5 minutes before serving. If you’ve ever really burned the fuck outta your tongue, I don’t need to tell you how sage that advice is!   The timer is running right now. I can hardly wait to sample this ingenious blend of stroganoff and biscuits. If I were down in Wilmington, I’d invite ol’ Andy Griffith over to sit a spell and muse a bit about a dish combining the epitome of southern country cooking with that of “the chef who …worked for the Russian diplomat Count Pavel Alexandrovich Stroganov, a member of one of Russia's grandest noble families.”   “Sic transit,” I bet he’d say, munchin' down on a forkload as soon as it was properly cooled.   “Gloria in excelsius mundi,” I’d wittily rejoin, admiring his gentlemanly restraint.   Then he'd shout "Deo!" and we’d go whup up on ol’ Opie, singing "Daylight come and me wan' go home." Algonquin roundtable, what you got?   6:11:20 PM    comment []

If you look real close, you can see ME in the sauce, doubling as photographer and taking a little break from my main role as chef. I flipped the picture over to make it a little easier to see. Then I put a circle around it. 5:49:55 PM    comment []

Here’s how the pasta, can of beef+sauce, and ¾ cup water appear immediately after combining. The instructions on the box advise that you “stir this 1 minute until well blended.” You do the same with the biscuit flour, but now you use 2/3 cup water and the directions say “do not over mix.” I’ve heard this is generally good practice with biscuit dough. Then you spread the dough “evenly” in spoonfuls over the pasta. The picture showed a spoon doing this. When you’ve finished, they suggest “smoothing top with back of spoon.” Mine’s in the oven already! 5:31:55 PM    comment []

For Science   An after work stop at the Food Lion, mainly to stock up on Fancy Feast™ cat food for the critters while it was still 33 cents a can (I got over 100 during the two week sale, a real pain at the self-checkouts), and I spotted a trend. Lots of brands of meals in a box had established a beachhead at the end of one aisle where I used to find Mexican food. Even that sly devil Boyardee had at least 5 varieties. The premise (or unifying thread) is some meat, some sauce, some pasta, and a bread topping. Yecch! – for example, ravioli with bread atop. Makes you wonder if these things were tested for anything besides convenience. After the initial wave of nausea and confusion passed, however, a culinary curiosity overtook me, the same one that has caused me to taste jellyfish and squid served in its own ink. Bottom line, it ain’t poison.   I carefully selected first by brand – Banquet, known for their expertise in packaged meals and TV dinners. Wow! Everything but the water is in the box! Lucky for me, I have a tap. Mmmm…this one sounds good, “Savory Beef & Sour Cream Sauce with Mushrooms.” The pasta (don’t call them “noodles”) completes what appears to be a stroganoff, which is then topped with a “biscuit mix.” 5 minutes to prepare, 35 minutes to bake.   I’m sacrificing my sense of taste and what sounds “right” just to report here what this stuff is. It cost about 4 dollars, which could have bought 12 more cans of Fancy Feast™ for the girls, but they’ve already assured me that they’re willing to sacrifice too. After all, there’s a war going on. 5:08:16 PM    comment []

If this looks screwy, it's a test using webmail to post to blog. Here's the story: Guy here at work got worried when he saw the news story about the FBI warning to look out for people carrying almanacs. Seems he left a Farmer's Almanac lying atop his old copy of The Anarchist Cookbook. 10:09:55 AM    comment []