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United States, North Carolina, Carrboro, English, Paul, Male, 56-60, All Music, All Food.

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Tuesday, January 13, 2004

No Trolls Here!   You ever notice when NPR (probably under right wing pressure) allows a sleazy bookshelf-posing red tie grinning jerkoff like Clark S. Judge to offer commentary (like on campaign finance reform, tonight) that the tone changes immediately from the “both sides now, just the facts,” relaxed upper baritone restraint that keeps us tuned-in there to the shrill, self-congratulatory, and “let’s take a closer look at Howard Dean’s bulging neck veins and repeat some cutesy non-informative highly-emotional adjectives like ‘deranged’!” tone of auto-foreplay?   I spotted him in less than 3 words. It was that tone.   I wish these Goebbels wannabes would keep their shit in their own smelly sewers - for example, The Washington Times (owned by the reputable Korean Rev. Moon) and Fox News (owned by the reputable Australian Rev. Rupert Murdoch) instead of backing up my American open-minded sinks with their bullshit.    If I wanna hear what an asshole has to say, all I gotta do is fart. NPR is for the mind which rests comfortably, high above the alimentary canal. Keep it there, whatever the cost.  7:32:00 PM    comment []

To get to the following text, you must first navigate to zappa.com, and watch a 15-second flash animation before choosing your bandwidth. Then you must click on the carefully-hidden “FZ” at the bottom of the snowflake peace reigns page, go to videos, choose “Baby Snakes” at at the same URL, then scroll unintuitively past the cover picture in the pop-up. Maybe they want to hide this high-energy text, but runswithscissors suggested that I post it here so Zappa fans can read it without a pilot’s license (“I respect our President because he’s a pilot.” – “Yeah, but so is John Travolta.”), so here it is….   DECODING THE PLAN On 21 December 1979, Baby Snakes premiered in New York City in Dolby Stereo. FZ set up a special PA system in the theater so it could sound just like a real concert. Cut to: During Joe’s vault tour of duty 2002/3, he uncovered a 4-channel mix (that have existed for (20) years) for the movie soundtrack. This was a matter of great import. According to the vast knowledge that is (aka Joe’s booklet) this mix had never been issued - not even on the prints for theaters. Why? (It exists on 2-inch analog tape reels - 16 of them – & also on a 35 mm mag film - so says the box containing the reel. Yes, & but also in the vault, suddenly more 2-inch tapes labeled by FZ: “Quad Film Tracks” & dated “Sept. 5, 1979” – Dweezil’s 10th birthday. To Joe, the information on the track sheets suggested 4-channel mixes of material from the movie or possibly intended for the movie . . .??!! And the track sheets defined “Quad” as: Front left & right channels, center channel & mono surround channel. Hmmm. Is this not what later became known as Dolby Pro-Logic?). But, alas, UMRK was down. So was Joe. You might be wondering, what does this mean? It means he was depressed because he could not listen to a fucking thing! UMRK was down because it was being reconstituted to accommodate all of the challenges of l.o.r.d. retrieval systems (some have yet to be invented) as well as Futchum (red laser, blue ray and other highly ambient domains). What else the studio audience doesn’t know is that when first we thought about re-releasing FZ films, the world was in laserdiscotech mode. Although FZ had made D2 Masters, the fates, like Thelma & Louise, took a left at Wednesday. (World turns a bunch here and dvd takes a big byte out of the ass & sample rate of the 12-inch laser.) These masters were edited and prepared by FZ for the laser format circa 1992. Later that nite, Baby Snakes, her very self, pink & wet, demanded to be the best kind of pet – full-blown! Even as archiving is a whole other universe of nightmares & problems across multifarious platforms & formats, it was then that we refused to be foiled by progeric technologies. With purposes and fingers crossed we nevertheless entered the dvd domain. (You might have noticed our thundering approach with the release of Halloween.) Up go the shaving heads. At this point in the development of our plot, we decided to remaster the existing 2-trk mix & master the mystery 4-trk mix for academy consideration. The sixteen tapes were heat treated, Suzy Homemaker style, at Capitol Studios, then transported personally by Joe, his very self, to Future Disc. They’ve got the big honkin converters for the transfer from analog to digital. And they’ve got Steve. After the conversion the mastering could be done by Steve Hall. And then we won’t be small! What a grand idea thought everyone in unison. Oops! Down go the shaving heads. Steve’s Sonic Solutions addressed only 8 channels. We had at least 9. (Insert lyrics to the song Baby Snakes right now.) Back to Joe’s booklet – for Kent Huffnagle’s emergency phone number! And lo, he did emerge - with his portable ProTools rig at the ready, to synchronize and lock audio to smpte time code (one of the 9 channels) – the make-up, in its new digital format – the costume. Nine reels into the transfer session the horrorful unrelenting truth ravelled. The mix fell apart. Joe did not. He was moved by an other Master. With his index finger fixed firmly in the upper margins of the effluvium he declared, pointedly & heroically & very unlike MacArthur, “I’m going to the Vault!” Mystery solved. The very bad (& the not so bad) tapes were returned to the dark ages from whence they shall ne’ermore return. Cluelessness is not an option. The lad searched the night for any tapes that could possibly contain a workable version of this mix. (As in a worthy version of the actual soundtrack in its entirety.) What about those “Quad Film Track” reels, then? At Utility Muffin Research Kitchen (and at Capitol) Joe set about baking this new batch – the first step in the recipe for playback. This is the moment of greatest risk (and reward). Can it play? Maybe we have just this one shot to make the transfer. [Xfer = (2joe+ umrk) + (kent + rig)]. Can the data be retrieved? Will it be destroyed before we even know what we’ve lost? Something? Anything? Is it great? Is that all there is? Is it all there? These reels contain bitchen 4-track mixes of all of the concert performances in the film – and then some. Here’s where the plot gets slippery. Ok. The tapes are great. It’s all FZ mixes. And it’s all the concert performances and even some rehearsals. But what it’s not: The Soundtrack to Baby Snakes. Intact. Ouch! What means this? Maybe the soundtrack would have to be completely rebuilt. And if from scratch, what the hell does that exist of? But nothing (neither rain nor scratch) can deter our intrepid Vaultmeister from his appointment with destiny. Bring it! Armed with these transfers and a spiffy studio version of the song Baby Snakes from 1978 4-track mixes by FZ with Joe Chicarelli, and the original dolby stereo film track (for replacement parts that were not in evidence elsewhere) Joe, and the beamish buff, Huffnagle, verily set forth in service to Noblesse Assemblage. And therefore was it brought to the lowly & humble mixlab-h* of Kent. . And also was it brought the wondrous 21st century munitions: Mother’s Original Circus Animal Cookies & everpopular Snickers’ Pop’ables. Thusly bolstered, holstered & upholstered and with good taste did they use the original 2-track audio of the film. To mirror the soundtrack. To faithfully recreate each & every single edit made by FZ. From each and every music source. And to correct pitch - due to vast continental drift and frame rate tensile calisthenics. Three days of the condor later did our crusading chocolateers emerge. The newly reconstituted Baby Snakes was delivered to Dweezil at the newly reconfigured UMRK. Dateline Los Angeles: Dweezil mixes it up with Joe and Kent. Steve Hall remasters 2-track & masters 5.1 audio.   p.s. wherever we should have used capital letters and didn’t it’s because we’re on a budget and we can’t afford them. * not to be confused with a canine breed. 6:33:27 PM    comment []

Eternal Chili   This is the Eternal Chili, which came about initially by accident.   A few days before Christmas, a friend at work told me about a New York chili recipe he’d found from a hometown restaurant that no longer exists. He’d tried making it, but wasn’t pleased with the texture. He wanted to buy a blender that could make it less granular, but was perplexed by my immediate answer of “a hand blender.” He’d never heard of them. I Googled a picture and he understood.   Wheh work resumed seriously, after New Year’s, he paid me another visit and described a spicy recipe that to me was reminiscent of Cincinnati Chili, which uses the aromatic spices you’d associate with goulash more than you would chili. I had been a little sniffley and “coming down with something” all day. The thought of comforting chili sounded exactly like the medicine I needed, especially with temperatures due to drop into the non-Carolinian Arctic depths from the balmy Indian winter we’d been experiencing.   I crossed my fingers and bought some non-angry looking ground chuck on the way home. I added nutmeg, ginger, and allspice after giving it a basement of onions and garlic. Not bad. As it simmered down very slowly, I sniffed, tweaked, and tasted and augmented with whatever flavors suited my fancy.   When I “spun it down” with the hand blender, however, it regressed to mellowness. “Let’s throw in a can of diced tomatoes and a can of black beans.” That made it more liquid and I added oregano, which was very difficult to find until I realize I’d put the bottle on the counter when I’d first begun. When it has completely thickened and cooled down, it all fit neatly into a quart jar.   Since I’m trying to lose a little weight, I’ve been eating just one chili dog for dinner each evening, no lunch, just a little juice and an egg, maybe bacon, for breakfast. It seems to be working. Each night I either heat a couple of tablespoons of chili sauce, or re-cook the whole batch starting with more canned tomatoes or beef broth and adding hot things (raw jalapenos, dried chipotles, red pepper flakes, Aleppo pepper), aromatic things (ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon), and whatever strikes my fancy that evening. No sugar. No cocoa. No thickeners. It just cooks down over a couple of hours and I “spin it down” again.   Each night it cooks, it achieves new savory heights. Each day it cools, the flavors regress to the mean. When I spoon it back into the jar, it stays just a notch below one quart, no matter how much stuff I add. Each day, I lose another pound. To me, this is a miracle comparable to 5 barley loaves and 2 fish.   Some nights I add a couple of tablespoons of finely-chopped onion or grated cheddar cheese to the chili dog, a soulfully steamed Nathan's all-beef. There’s always a carefully dressed line of spicy brown mustard on the dog in the bun, just before it is twisted slowly to mingle the fixings.   Not one bite is chewed quickly. 6:05:20 PM    comment []

Say it isn’t so, Silvio!   Berlusconi to face renewed trial The Italian prime minister must face a renewed corruption trial after a court annulled his immunity from prosecution. The country's top court threw out a controversial law granting Silvio Berlusconi immunity as long as he remained in office. This guy is so entertaining; I hope they don’t fire him. 5:01:29 PM    comment []

The new Virtual Occoquan has no oppressive categories, but there are great articles by Katy Hipke, Dana Pattillo, World’O’Crap, Susan McNerney, Paula Steinbacher, Paul Hinrichs, runswithscissors, Melanie Teegarden, Jan Haugland, Glutter, Jack McGeehin, Dave Pollard, Maxine, Leslie Talbot, Mark Hoback, and Steve Raker. 6:27:50 AM    comment []