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Monday, January 19, 2004

Cheney describes O'Neill as 'basically a useless dork' Cosa Nuevo Times     In a new book about the Bush administration, former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill describes Vice President Dick Cheney as a leader of a "Praetorian Guard" around the president, cutting him off from dissenting opinions.     In his first public comments on the book, The Price of Loyalty, by journalist Ron Suskind, Cheney described O'Neill as "a mindless used prophylactic with crypto-leftist leanings, the soul of a pimp, and basically nothing but a useless dork."     "I was a big advocate of his, without question. And it's turned out to be a big disappointment," Cheney said in an interview with the Los Angeles Times and USA Today. "It's too bad. We overlooked the multiple charges of pederasty in his FBI files and religiously paid off all the whores who had pictures of him engaging in arguably controversial acts of bestiality. He was a stellar captain of American industry who we truly believed would see things our way, but we were sorrowfully, incredibly wrong. I sincerely wish it hadn't turned out that way."     Cheney worked with O'Neill in the Nixon and Ford administrations, when O'Neill was a top official at the Office of Management and Budget. It was Cheney who recommended O'Neill for the job of Treasury secretary, and it was Cheney who in 2002 told O'Neill he was fired.     "I like Paul, I've known him for 30 years. We were close friends and we never had sex. The relationship is a little strained now, partly because I also had to give him the word that his services were no longer needed and also that those compromising FBI pictures were being surreptitiously posted on alt.erotica usenet groups to titillate perverted erection-challenged males who forget where they hid the Viagra," Cheney said.     In the interview, Cheney said O'Neill was picked as Treasury secretary because he had years of corporate experience as CEO of aluminum giant Alcoa, as well as an encyclopedic knowledge of the federal budget, including a multitude of dangerous and potentially unpatriotic incriminatory personal data on cabinet members stored on hard drives that have since been mysteriously and meticulously scrubbed.    But Cheney said that in the end, O'Neill didn't mesh with the rest of the White House. "It's one of those things that happens periodically. You put a round peg in a square hole, prime it up with KY Jelly, start stroking, and hope it will eventually bend over and get with the program - and for some reason it didn't work out this time," he said.  7:53:33 PM    comment []

If you can’t wait for NPR to update tonight’s All Things Considered to hear the Ramen Jiro story by Andy Raskin, you can hear it at his website and see a picture of this legendary noodle joint and the line outside. Study Tampopo! Do not go to a noodle parlor that has no line! 6:11:03 PM    comment []

These things are incredible! I picked up a box at Linens’n’Things yesterday, while shopping for French onion soup bowls. Each flavor of these space food mints eerily matches its real world analog. But read the fine print – “Excessive consumption may have a laxative effect.” When I quit smoking a few years ago, I sought solace in sugar-free candies. It took me months to figure out the artificial sweetener root cause for all the gastric distress.   Recommended, with reservations. 5:31:17 PM    comment []

Goldfinger   It cost American Airlines $12,700 to bail pilot Dale Hersh out of a Brazilian jail after he posed this way for airport security at Sao Paulo International Airport. The rest of the crew was detained while he was “processed.”   Do you know anyone who is a pilot?   4:06:54 PM    comment []