We Want Tits! (And art too, of course)
I’m co-editor of this week’s Virtual Occoquan and it’s gonna be a very special issue!
It will be the 50th issue to appear online and that’s a genuine tribute to the perseverance and artistry of VO’s creator, Mark Hoback. The Oscars have been nominated, so if you have anything to say about that, let us know.
And the Grammy award ceremonies will be this weekend. Justin will be there and maybe even Janet and both her tits, not just the famous right one! It will be broadcast on a five-hour delay, so in case the whole thing turns into an unstoppable group orgy involving the cream of today’s talent, audience members, and Osama bin Laden’s camel, CBS can stop the action justin time to maximize ratings and buzz while simultaneously minimizing predictable reaction from Mikey “I think he likes it!” Powell and the religious right. After all, if CBS has to cancel the whole thing they might be forced to dig into the vault and run The Reagans (or a MoveOn commercial) after all.
What does all this this mean to you, a casual reader who probably only came here because Google or Booble led you here just because I said “tits?”
Well, Mark and I am interested in your input for the Golden Issue - on music, movies, art, literature, poetry, and, of course, tits. Mark has kinda shied away from thematic issues of VO of late, but I’m certain if we get a groundswell of informational articles on tits, which is highly likely given the psyche of the current news cycle, we’ll examine them in the spirit of that great old political song, Hey Look Me Over.
If you can imagine Charlton Heston, in The Ten Commandments, parting the Red Sea with his tremulous staff, with those walls of frothing water towering over the children of Israel, then suddenly dunking his schnozzle into a pair of monstrous boobies and delivering the deranged burlesque-inspired Oscar line, “Bluh bluh bluh bluh buh buh bububu bubububub boobooboo,” then you have an understanding of the quality of material we’re seeking for this special issue.
Now, if you’re old-fashioned, don’t be concerned. You don’t have to write about pierced titties in fancy bustiers (ain’t that a new word and a half!).
No, you can write about monstrous tits smothering you or “your partner” in an orgasmic frenzy, or the itty-bitty tittles you savor like your last Oreo, even your own tits - or tits covered with butter, ice cream, sprinkles; pig tits, marsupial tits in pockets like pita bread, cow teats, gorillas in the tits – just as long as it’s done tastefully in the sober patriotic context of flatulent animals, overpaid athletes, super-hype, and crotch-biting dogs we've come to expect of American rituals.
Of course, if you’d rather write about something else, we’d like to see that too. It will get special attention if your opening sentence uses the word “tit” more than 11 times, but try to avoid successive usage. Cretin restrictions might apply, consult your Oracle and user’s guide, illegal in some states, and Big Brother is watching. Join in on the fun! This is a special issue and, really, much as we like tits, we’d like some submissions about movies and music. Post on your blog and send a link, or just send an article, to Mark or myself. Peace.
8:42:25 PM 
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