This is my blogchalk:
United States, North Carolina, Carrboro, English, Paul, Male, 56-60, All Music, All Food.

Subscribe to this blog in Radio:

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

BREAKING NEWS   Bush’s Teeth Earn Enough Points To Retire From Texas Air National Guard!   (AP) WASHINGTON, Feb. 24, 2004 --- Reliable sources, Baptist ministers, and dentists in Birmingham, AL, are reporting that George W. Bush’s teeth have now completed enough “equivalent duty” to qualify for full retirement, with honors, after undergoing a complex series of maneuvers designed to reduce harmful plaque and restore a pristine luster to their precision military surfaces.   Marc Racicot today provided indisputable evidence that The President’s molars not only reported for duty in the Mekong Delta and served with honors at Khe Sahn, but that his left canine (which the fawning brass affectionately nicknamed “Spot”) was posthumously awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for valor above and beyond the call of routine drug tests.   Bush’s teeth will now be removed from his mouth and allowed to retire to a jar in a commissary at Ft. Benning, GA, where reserve soldiers who voted for Max Cleland will be forced to salute them at every sunrise or face a military tribunal at that place we call Gitmo, asshole!   The remainder of Bush’s mouth was unavailable for comment. 8:46:21 PM    comment []

The Big Tent   President Bush today took The First Step toward banning all marriages, and all other Religious Ceremonies. The history of the Constitution has been to limit the power of government and expand the rights of citizens. Once the Constitution is used to limit rights, the camel has entered the tent. A camel inside the tent is a very dangerous thing, even if he’s straight.   Separation of Church and State has worked well for over 200 years. This fatwa has absolutely nothing to do with the very First Amendment which says, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion” before it says anything else at all, before it even pauses for a comma. It’s as close as we’ve ever come to a Prime Directive.   Today’s announcement is an act of desperation and demagoguery, designed only to muddy the waters. Even Divine Intervention can’t bring his grades on the economy, the budget, or executive judgment up to a Gentleman’s C by election time. So a gesture to the bigots in the peanut gallery is his only ugly shot. 6:38:35 PM    comment []

While Mel Gibson’s father denies the Holocaust (“Impossible! – Not Enough Gas!”), and Mel prepares to unleash his epic retelling of The Passion Of The Christ (Nice touch there, Mel, that authentic Biblical redundancy on the definite article!), now would be a good time to visit Kelly Moore and see his series of Crosses.   I forget whether crucifixes are supposed to scare away vampires or werewolves, but words like “anti-Semitism” can sure scare the bejesus out a lot of people who are neither. Anyway, Kelly has also started a Salon blog, Coffee with a Modern Primitive Artist, and it’s worth a visit just to read his quotes:   "Great spirits always encounter Violent opposition from mediocre minds." Albert Einstein 5:43:30 PM    comment []

Reidar at Fortinbras Radio Weblog has some interesting comments on major news sites requiring a username, password, and email to read articles. He also has a sly trick up his sleeve. Let’s listen in on Reidar reveals his secret to us:   ·         When you're asked to log in to a news site, try the userID freethepresses. If an e-mail address is required as the userID, enter: freethepresses@example.com ·         Then enter the password: freethepresses ...That should get you right in the door, without providing your personal information. (OK, yeah, sure, they may be looking at IP addresses or referring URL, but this is at least some kind of rebellion against the wanton mandatory harvesting of personal information that plagues the Internet.) I've tried this strategy – with success – at the following sites:   ·         The New York Times ·         The Washington Post ·         The Los Angeles Times ·         The Chicago Tribune   5:00:54 PM    comment []