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United States, North Carolina, Carrboro, English, Paul, Male, 56-60, All Music, All Food.

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Sunday, November 28, 2004

“Invisible Hand” Promotes Exploration Of Mars   Hi. You can’t see me but you should trust me because I am the invisible hand of economics. First, I would like to thank Adam Smith for all the fame he brought me, but shucks, fame ain’t no good if nobody can see you. I suppose I could put on an ‘Ove” Glove and wiggle my fingers, but that will never be as tangible as J Lo’s butt or Janet Jackson’s tit. No, as celebrated as I am, as worshipped as I am in some circles, it is my destiny to be a supporting player, kinda like A-Rod’s jockstrap.   But I ain’t complaining. I am the mysterious force that exalts some nations who recognize my power and cripples those who don’t. Talk about your megalomania, eh?   Steamroller, that’s me.   Now most of you think of Mars as a hostile environment and, comparatively, at least, I would have to agree it is. Scientists are still looking for traces of water, vestigial droplets of Percival Lowell’s imaginary canals, and rave every time their calculations are in English, not erroneously metric, so they can land a battery operated scooter on the dry, atmospherically-challenged surface of the red planet.   Silly test tube heads! Don’t they know that I alone can decide when people choose to emigrate to Mars?   Well, there is some good news. The main difference between Mars and Earth is that the atmosphere of Earth is less hostile to visible breathing life forms that that of Mars. The cost of improving the atmosphere of Mars is beyond my invisible fingers to calculate, even on an invisible calculator. Forget that. But, as your famous visible physicist once told me, “it’s all relative!”   The cost of making Earth’s atmosphere even worse is comparatively negligible! All we have to do is nothing! Keep living as you are now and the place will become totally uninhabitable! It’s easy! Just sit back and watch, and Mars will become more attractive! I am waiting and ready to act! It'll be cheap - and hey! - who doesn't love a bargain?   5:23:54 PM    comment []

The End Of Elvis   Except for the likely consumed breast half sent home with Liz’s boys, and a few slices in the fridge, Elvis is now in the liquid state. The broth reduced to about a half gallon, with the leftover gravy thrown in for good measure. I got the ham bone out of Friday’s ham and that’s adding even more flavor as it begins to simmer. The raw mirepoix pictured here will complete the base for a rich eclectic split pea soup. Elvis, if you’re reading this from turkey heaven, I want you to know that not a speck of you was wasted.   You have joined the giblets of desperation, the whimsy of a frivolous ham, the panic of over-perseverant gravy, and a heavenly host of vegetables to become a transcendent green puree. That’s “pure” with two “E’s”, Elvis. You were the go to guy. You were the man. You wre perfection, my ideal, of angels singing the Ave Maria.   Though your life was short (I can imagine you as a turkette, wondering what it was all about, feeling like you were somehow special, different from the other turkettes who seemed content to gobble and peck at cracked corn while you dreamed of chasing butterflies). You were different, Elvis, and now you have met your manifest destiny. You were a bird of impeccable taste and I truly believe you would savor your own flavor as much as I. If you were still here, we would share a beer, and discuss Thanksgiving Day.     2:08:46 PM    comment []

Gates Of Kiev   A lingering melody from Modeste Mussorgsky; lingering images from Victor Hartman, Victor Hartman.                   1:16:07 AM    comment []