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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

President Bush Selects Longtime Imaginary Playmate Biffy To Head New Imaginary Cabinet Post, Chief Kahuna In Charge Of All Things - Excluding Jesus - That Might Require A Subservient Middle Manager Type To Occasionally Leak Propaganda Anonymously   “Biffy has been with me from the beginning. It was his idea to blow up the frogs by sticking firecrackers up ‘em. He's the guy who planned the hotel heist. He was with me, egging me on, when I was drunk and challenged my daddy to that fight that finally shut him up.. He told me to take the wheel when I got arrested for drunk driving, knowing instinctively we could beat the rap. He was the one who advised me to steal the goalposts at that Princeton game. He was my co-pilot in my F-102, before Jesus took over, when I was too hung over to land that contraption all by myself. We walked away from it and even Chuck Yeager himself says that's the basic definition of a good landing. It was his idea to brand the asses of Skull and Bones pledges with red-hot wire coat hangers – and that was years before Faye Dunaway immortalized them forever in Mommy Dearest.”   “A man ahead of his time, I gotta tell you. He taught Lee Atwater all the Chuck Berry licks. Seriously. He told Karl Rove not to bother with the hairpiece, that’s for sissies, just be yourself and shine on, you crazy darling. He showed me where the Weapons of Mass Destruction were hidden - north, to the west, and slightly funicular to the axial bisection of Baghdad before we wasted it. He told me Abu Ghraib would be okay, no big deal, given a little time. ‘War crimes, S’mores slime,’ he’d say with that infectious giggle, wiping melted marshmallow of his stubble and affecting an affable smirk I loved to emulate before the Botox. Yes, he has been a lifetime companion, the very best, and it is now my greatest pleasure to have him serve me in an official capacity,” Bush said ceremoniously.   9:20:31 PM    comment []

Wandering around Whole Foods Market last weekend, on the lookout for new things, I ran across membrillo in the cheese section. If you read my Thanksgiving preparations, you already know that I had conceded this to be the one ingredient I could never find locally. I ordered it from La Tienda and it came the next day, along with a Spanish cheese sampler on special and a restocking of my depleted supply of pimenton de la vera.  At Whole Foods, the membrillo cost half as much and it was right there, so I didn’t have to add items to get a minimum order. Oh well, so much for instinct.   Membrillo, which was a new ingredient to me (probably the reason I didn’t check local stores), sitting there in the cheese display alerted me that Whole Foods was trying to get a message across like, you know, this stuff goes good with cheese. I knew that the poached pears I made with quince paste stuffing has parmesan collars and a bit more parmesan on the side, so that was clue number two.   So today I took the cheese sampler in to work, along with the leftover membrillo and some crackers, and we had a tasting. To find any evidence of morale at GBD these days requires a backhoe and an assortment of spells to ward off demonic critters from the underground, so the timing was about right. We all could use a little cheering up, a respite from the bitterness and gallows humor, and the cheeses and accompanying sweetness were the perfect potion. It didn’t cure anything, but it didn’t hurt anything either. I think maybe some Marcona almonds and a little glass of port might have cast off all the evil spirits, but I didn’t have those spells today.   The other thing to cross my mind was this apparent marriage of membrillo and cheese. I wondered if ported pears, often served with bleu cheese, might be only two angles on the triangle, maybe a Father and Son awaiting a Holy Ghost, maybe even, to stretch it a bit, a mirepoix of onions and celery awaiting Pentecostal carrots. “Nah,” I decided. Stools fall over from having only two legs and a lot can happen with two outs in the bottom of the ninth inning, but the role of quince paste in the fabric of the universe is minimal – nothing more than a good supporting player.   But I did run across a recipe on how to make your own membrillo. It sounds easy. Though I lifted this from The Oregonian, it cites a 1998 Gourmet article as its source. Curious, because the new improved 2004 Gourmet only tells you where to buy it.    Quince Paste (Membrillo) Tuesday, November 23, 2004 Makes about 11/4 pounds Quince paste (known as membrillo in Spain) has a texture somewhere between that of stiff jelly and gumdrops. It's delicious on toast or crackers or with goat cheese or salty sheep's-milk cheese; manchego and membrillo is a classic combination, made better still with a few slices of serrano ham. (Quince jam and Stilton on bread is another delicious match.) You can buy membrillo at Becerra's, Pastaworks and some grocery stores, or make your own paste when fresh quince is in season, October through December. The high-pectin fruit looks like a large, lumpy yellow pear and is better cooked than raw. -- Leslie Cole ·         4 medium quinces (about 2 pounds) ·         1/4 to 1/2 cup water ·         About 2 cups granulated sugar, as needed Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Scrub quinces and pat dry. In a small roasting pan, bake quinces, covered with foil, in middle of oven until tender, about 2 hours, and transfer pan to a rack. When quinces are cool enough to handle, peel, quarter and core them with a sharp knife. In a food processor, puree pulp with 1/4 cup water until smooth (if mixture is too thick, add remaining 1/4 cup water a little at a time, as needed). Force puree through a large fine sieve into a liquid measuring cup and measure amount of puree. Transfer puree to a heavy 3-quart saucepan and add an equivalent amount of sugar. Cook puree over moderate heat, stirring constantly, until it is thickened and begins to pull away from side of pan, about 25 minutes. Lightly oil a 1-quart terrine or deep baking pan. Pour puree into terrine, smoothing top with an offset spatula, and cool. Chill puree, loosely covered with plastic wrap, until set, about 4 hours. Run a thin knife around sides of terrine and invert paste onto a platter. (Quince paste keeps, wrapped well in wax paper and then plastic wrap and chilled, for 3 months.) Slice paste and serve with cheese and crackers. -- From Gourmet magazine January 1998   8:11:35 PM    comment []