Friday, November 01, 2002

THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions: INFARCT - an anal implosion INFER - wearing sable INFERTILE - how ZsaZsa decorated her bathroom floor INFIDEL - where is the last true Cuban taco? INFURIATE - wore your mink throughout dinner INHABIT - a nun motel INHALE - what Clinton swears he didn't do at Oxford IN HOC -  impoverished INNOCENTS ABROAD - unmistakably a guy     ... help? - (in-no-sense-a-broad)   INSECT - a fashionable cult                   ************** #1 Son, Gerry, had to be at San Quentin prison by 7 a.m. - a 1 1/2 hr drive from here - then stopped by for his shot (some experimental treatment for MS), and ended up here playing Spades on the gaming.zone.  If you recall, I relayed the story about saving the guard's life via a Big Mac every Friday.  No, Gerry doesn't have to take him the hamburger -- the guard does.  How does one smuggle a Big Mac into death row?  Methinks maybe everyone knows the deal.  Anyway, Gerry just left -- after a late lunch and a spaghetti dinner --@ 8:10 p.m.   My daughter, Anna's taking care of Brian's swollen nose/face/black eyes from the nasal passage surgery he had yesterday.  However, she's leaving in the a.m. to go to Heavenly Valley @ Lake Tahoe for the beginning of ski patrol.  Here comes winter!  Oh, I found my heater - under 12 things of insulation & 3 fans.         9:53:37 PM    comment []

THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY  definitions: INDETERMINATE - cancel the "500" race INDIAN BREAD - a boy named Sioux INDIAN CLUB - no one named Cortez allowed INDIAN GIVER - Chief Henny Youngman: "Take my Squaw, please!" INDIAN NUT - Chief Crazy Horse INDIA PAPER - the Bombay Gazette INDIA RUBBER -   One country-One condom INDICAN - a Porta Potty at the Indianapolis 500 INDIGENT - A.J. Foyt, Bobby Unser, Jeff Gordon, et al INDO CHINA - a millionaire's dishes   (yer kidding!  okay -   in-dough china? clear as mud) INDUCTANCE - insects in a ventilator shaft                      ************* My little house's "heating" system is... in the shed.  Which shed?  Dunno, but I'd better hustle around and find out.  Dropped to 39 last nite and, as I was blogging my schtick, I suddenly realized my hand was frozen to the mouse.  "No big deal," you say?  Hah!  I sneezed, grabbed a Kleenex and broke my nostril trying to use it.  Then I had to go to the ladies... ever try to pull down sweat pants with a mouse stuck to your palm?  Thankfully, the sink is close at hand and hot water solves many a problem.  PUCK just came to the door - but no Zamboni.  Hmmm. Wonder if he jumped the fence?  Another reason to venture out onto the compound.  I also hear drums.... 10:19:05 AM    comment []

THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions: INCARNATION - arrived in Japan INCENSE - how I prefer to pay my taxes INCLINATION - Tibet INCOMMODATE - a post-prandial tryst in a toilet     ...ok (in-commode-date) INCOMPATIBLE - money you can fondle INCOMPETENT - there's no charge for the wigwam behind the Iroquois Motel          really?   ok (inn-comp-a-tent) INCOMPLETABLE - folding money INCONTINENCE - how the world's big land masses are divided up INCREEP - Norman Bates INCUMBENT - earning power went south INCUR - where the dinner roast went INDECENT - (you'll never get this one)  the smell of gas and burning rubber INDECOROUS - not a principle singer                          ********** When I had my pilot's license (you can believe - this IS California ya know) and my '2512 Romeo' Cessna, I was flying with my insane Italian pal, Irene, from Mazatlan to Puerto Vallarta, staying just inland from the shoreline. We were passing over dense, low brush - for miles - when suddenly a huge rock formation jutted skyward before us.  It was startling.  Irene insisted on circling the monolith so she could film it.  About the 3rd time around we both noticed it bore a striking resemblance to France's General DeGaulle (sic).  We managed a few shots that bore out our interpretation.  On arriving in Puerto Vallarta, our husbands showed concern (translate: jumped up and down frenzy-like, lots of arm waving, hollering, etc.) regarding our tardiness.  Irene gave a perfectly clear explanation.  She said, "We were circling de Gaulle stone."  Well, I THOUGHT IT WAS CLEAR, CONCISE AND CORRECT!  The guys showed more concern...but followed us to the bar anyway. Oh, big deal - I'm going DSL (whatever that means).  Crazy cousin decided I was back in the boonies with my hand-crank hard-drive dial-up Mabel to connect online system.  So, soon aUPS truck will sneak up the hill, check to see if Puck & Zamboni are still in their tiny 1/2 acre pen, then he'll drop off a package that I won't know what the hell to do with.  Ah, of course.  A hassock!  Good show.  One ought to keep their legs up -- Heidi Fleiss told me that.     9:00:45 AM    comment []