THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions:
JARGON - an excuse for not giving a urine sample
JATO - a French country mansion
JAVA MAN - Juan Valdez
JAVANESE - jittery leg joints
JAYBIRD - Larry's cousin
JAYHAWKER - a carnival bluebird salesman
JEALOUSY - icky aspic (gel-lousy)
JEJUNE - he month between Ma-May & Ju-July
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A phrase not often used until after you're 40, is "I used to be able to..." - this is often followed by an outright lie or a wild exaggeration or a description of something so foggy in your memory that it could include rowing the boat across the Potomac for George W. (the FIRST George W.)! Example: I usta be able to wrap my legs around my neck, stick my feet completely inside my ears and bowl myself down an alley. I once told #11 grandkid that I used to be able to jump really high. That people would gasp when I'd perform barrel leaps. He gave me that "Gram's gone over, this time" look, so I told him I could jump higher than my house. He crossed his arms and sighed...eyebrows ceilingward. I took him outside, stood next to my house and jumped. Admitedly, I may have cleared 5 inches..... BUT THE HOUSE COULDN'T BEAT ME! Ah...I'd gained new respect in Luke's eyes. Have you ever noticed all the weird things authors do with eyes? Joan Collins is a champ at goofy eye writing. An old bit goes:"He stood on the pier and cast his eyes far out to sea." (pluck-toss-splash) "As she walked through the door, her eyes roamed aimlessly about the room." (oh, la-de-da...mmm some dust under there...) "He tore his eyes from her face and they fell on the letter at her feet." (rip-plop) "His eyes shot skyward." (zoom!) You gotta take care of your eyes, I always say... well, not ALWAYS. But I NEVER say, "Go poke yourself in the eye with a 747!" ... well, perhaps 'never' is a bit strong...
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