Monday, November 04, 2002

THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions: JIB BOOM - the sound of an exploding sail JIM JAMS - Gold's new exercise nightwear JINGLE - a martinii-guzzling sea bird JINGLE SHELLS - a Hawaiian Christmas song JITTERBUG - a beetle on Power Drinks JOBBED - a call girl's home office JOB-HOPPING  -  working as a pogo stick tester JOCKSTRAP - set up a sting to catch crooked jockeys JOHN BULL - the crapper copper                             ************ Came home from the store to find a VERY LARGE Pit Bull in the pen with Puck & Zamboni.  Puck & Zam were frantic to get out and I could see why.  The PIT kepts taking mouths full of back skin and slobbering while trying to force them to lie down.  When they'd bound free, he'd try humping them.  No wonder they wanted OUT!  I brought them over to my house.  Moments later, Nickles, the grey cat, went zooming by headed for the fence.  And there was PIT - he'd jumped the fence!  It isn't a high fence - Puck could easily jump it, but knows he'd get in REAL big fat trouble if he did, so he doesn't.  The PIT had no collar, no ID, just healing wounds.  Calls to Animal Control went poof! as they are closed on Sun. & Mon.  Brian drove in.  He dialed 911, said the dog would either be picked up within the hour or be dead! Bam - sherrif's car & dog control officer - 15 min.  Back to normal...sigh.... sniff, sniff... what's that smell?  Pepe L'Pew fended off what he considered an attack by a squirrel...I guessing...but the boys were inside & the cats were catting around elsewhere.  Brian came outside - "Whew!  How close was that skunk?"  I pointed to his Sports Shed.  Pepe took a hike behind my house and Brian's still over there hauling stuff out and spraying it with anti-skunk-stink remover.  I happen to be one of those folks who LIKE skunk spritz.  I'll go help Brian.  Maybe we can get through before Anna gets home.   5:03:36 PM    comment []

THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions: JELLYBEANS - what grows in Jellystone Park's vegetable garden JERKIN - "What are those frog legs doing in my frying pan?" JERRY-BUILT - Peterbilt's half-brother JESS - (Sp) affirmative JEST - (Texan) only  ...as in, "Jest got me a million cows, now." JETAVATOR - a supersonic elevator JETE - Earl Grey served aboard the Concorde JET SET - a matched pair of 747's JET STREAM - winning the Super Bowl for NY JEWFISH - (Texan) "Naw, but I hunt." JEZEBEL - the gong attached to the Rev. Jackson's front door                        *********** Announcement:  Colleen's taking the BIG step!  No, she's not getting married.  She's leaving 2+ week old Collin here (and trying to drive away) next Thursday to attend her class.  I was excited... then I discovered ANNA AND BRIAN were doubly excited -- THEY think the baby's going to stay at their house!  Okay, okay...I've had a few of those things around, so let them have him... WHILE I SUPERVISE!  Afterall, neither of them has been around a baby...ever!  That was obvious when Brian wanted to know Collin's shoe size so he could fit him with a pair of ice skates!!!  Can't learn to play hockey too young, ya know.  (Right, person with his 11x broken hockey nose swathed in bandages after 5 hours of reconstructive surgery-you tell 'em)  And Anna, I suppose, will extoll upon Collin the virtues of keeping a neat, clean crib! And she'll tell him in Spanish, too!  But, being a good Mom... I'll back off -- to their porch -- and let them learn on their own.   8:11:56 AM    comment []