Tuesday, November 05, 2002

THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions: JUDGMENT - Sandra Day O'Connor's Altoid JUDICABLE - it plays only Garland movies JUDO - Matzoh meal mash JUMPER CABLE - a flash farewell telegram to plummeters from the Golden Gate JUMPING-OFF-PLACE  -  the Golden Gate Bridge JUMP SHOT - can't get off the floor anymore JUMP SUIT - a legal action brought by those fishing beneath the Golden Gate Bridge JUNE BUGS - FBI summertime listening devices JUNKING - Michael Milken JUNKIE - someone addicted to rummage sales JUNK MAIL - send a letter via Chinese sampan JURASSIC - (Sp) "That burro of yours puked on my huaraches!" JURAT - (Sp) a Spanish dubbing of a Jimmy Cagney line Everyone I know is voting...contrary to what the media would like.  Notice how they "predict" record low voter turn out -- how does one DO that?  And every time they say that, it becomes a signpost to many declaring:  well, NO BODY'S gonna vote, so why should I bother!  If I said nobody was buying my homemade lemmonade and predicted that nobody ever would buy it... would YOU bother to go out and grab some up?  Yeh!  The old negative put-down scam.  But you know what's fantastic about this election?  NO EXIT POLL GARBAGE!!!  Isn't it refreshing?  The bummer is that so few qualified, dynamic, dedicated young people are entering politics.  Therefore, I want to remind you that I am STILL running for QUEEN OF AMERICA!!!  (vote anytime after the bars close) 6:24:38 PM    comment []

THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions: JOHN DOE - coins for a pay toilet JOINT RESOLUTION - deciding to eat the marijuana cigarette with NO catsup! JOISTING - zapped by a happy bee JOJOBA - (Sp) a store Santa in Mexico City suddenly quits!  ("Ho-Ho....BAH!") JONGLUER - a guy who mends toilet seats JONQUIL - an antique pen used for writing on toilet paper and/or bathroom walls JOURNEY - (Sp) a reference to one's leg joint JOYANCE - little bugs that love swimming in dishwashing liquid JUDEO - an Israeli rodeo                          ************ I must've had a bad night.  Woke up with Fritos all over me & an empty bottle of Spanish olives nearby.     I did, however, win at bingo.  So did nutty neighbor, Bev.     >Must now go VOTE... and X out Barbra Streisand's choices.  (An exquisite singer, mind you... just NOT the unappointed political guru of California...Britney Spears is!)  Then I MUST haul the ol' Towncar to the elite car wash and spill out my $14 in coinage to get it renewed inside and out.  Then to Target, where they are eliminating Mrs. Fields' coffees & have them on sale for $2.87 per pound!!!  Must spring for a new printer cartridge, so Office Depot's next.  Then I zip... okay, Towncars are never caught "zipping"...  I glide into town to "D" street where I gather up a crate of oganic veggies and whisk them 22 miles out to El Dorado Hills to Crazy Cousin Babs' & Anthony.  I then try to make it back here to the hill before the traffic hits rage stage.  I'll have to weatherize my house for the storm that's supposed to hit w/ 40 mph winds & dumpers of rain Wed, Thurs. & Fri.  That means stuffing my fake 4 ft cactus in the shed.  Wonder if I can do it without getting Fritos all over the place?  (didn't even know I HAD 'em)  It's so exciting...you never know what's coming (or going) next!  who was I, again? 8:44:32 AM    comment []