Wednesday, November 06, 2002

KAPPA -  snap the lid on Pop's funeral urn KAPUTT - the telltale sound of double-hitting a golf ball KARATE - a toll bridge fee KAROO - "Gee, Dad...thanks for the Maseratti!" KART - a K-mart color Xerox of the Mona Lisa  (K-art) KATAKANA - (It.)  a litter box in Naples KECHUA - (Gr.)  "Gesundheit!" KEDGEREE - the 12-man panel at a sneaker trial KERATECTOMY - surgery performed on gluttonous rabbits                         ************** Rabbits reminds me of my Grandad's farm in Michigan, where every tree bore some tasty fruit or nut.  I loved to climb trees!  My sister and I were hungry for pears, but Grandad had no pear trees.  The neighbor did, though, as we availed ourselves of the lovely, low limbs,  slick, shiney bark and fragrant fruit.  I don't know how many we picked - perhaps 8 or 10 - eating barely one each.  Soon the neighboring farmer arrived in a snit-fit, hollering about the pears we'd picked.  My looney Uncle Stan stepped forward, all sincere and apologetic, dramatically promising, on everything holy, that we'd never pick another of his pears.  Snitman left.  As soon as dusk settled in, my Mom and Uncle Stan crept over the fence...carrying ladders with them... and sat gingerly at the top of those ladders carefully eating the delicious, sweet pears.  They didn't pick them, though!  Oh, no... true to his word, not one pear was picked.  They left the cores firmly attached to the tree, dangling there, remaining juices sparkling in the light of my Grandmother's lantern.  Can't say MY uncle didn't keep his word.  Nosiree.  You CAN say I come by being a fool legitimately... and I enjoy it to the max. 8:07:31 PM    comment []

THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions: KALENDS - when one party hang up the phone KALSOMINE - where mineral water comes from KAMASUTRA - a position paper KAME - informing the scorekeeper to put you down as a strike-out KANAMYCIN - really cheap perfume knock-off KANGAROO RAT - a marsupial fink KAPH -  a cow's kid KAPOK - the sound chicken pox make as they pop out one by one                     *********** Everyone's preparing for the big storm due to hit us tomorrow.  Lake Tahoe is gearing up for 4 days of snow & wind.  I zipped to the market for survival supplies: Butterfingers, Oreos, milk, rocky road ice cream, a candle, Fruit Loops, "D" cell batteries & a big bottle of Grand Marnier.  One similarly rotten, rainy, windy day we all arrived at my restaurant - The Crow's Nest - in time to huddle together on the deck while I spoke the pre-arranged cuss words at the stubborn, ornery door lock.  By the time we got inside we had frost bitten butts.  My night manager and 2 of my waitresses and I desperately wanted a hot drink to thaw us out, but no one wanted a sweet drink.  In a group effort, we came up with a superb drink we dubbed "T & Sympathy":  1 1/2 ounces of Grand Marnier poured into a baby snifter - NOT-QUITE-BOILING hot water -  2 1/2 ounces and ... here's the big secret ... 5 twists of lemon -  not 4 or 6... 5 is perfect!  Of course, by the time we arrived at this most marvelous drink, we were all snoggered.  One of the 5 bartenders arrived and immediately began making coffee...as he wiped away the tears of laughter.  We didn't have a huge crowd that night (no big surprise) but we did go through 2 bottles of Grand Marnier.  It was a very popular drink.  One waitress from China, Mitzi, would clear all the tables of half/drunk drinks after closing, as pour each one into the blender -- oh yes -- she'd whip it up and drink it!  Most evenings it came out looking sort of greyish green - yuck!  But then, she and Sylvia - from Java- would really fight over the raw fish eyes!  The chef would save 'em just to see those two squabble.  We had 26 employees -- 24 of whom were with us for almost 6 years - (when I got out of the restaurant/bar/lounge/entertainment biz).  Several waiters were from Iran, one from India, 2 were Arabs, a Frenchman, an Australian, 3 from Mexico and one from Argentina.  Craziest group of super-hardworking people I'll ever know.  Oh, the 2 who left us... they graduated from college and returned home...to Egypt.  3:29:28 PM    comment []

THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions: JURIDIC - the bailiff JURISTIC - what the bailiff uses to keep the jurors awake JUSTICE OF THE PEACE - ruling in favor of legumes KABOB - vascillating on names in case of or instead of a sex-change operation KABUKI - somebody barfed in your taxi KADDISH - satelite TV in your coupe de ville KAFFIR - baby cow phobia KAKAPO - a ma-mafia b-bigshot KALE - what comes between J and M KALEIDOSCOPE - two trucks full of mouthwash had a wreck     (help?   collide-'o'-Scope)                       *********** At the age of 6 I discovered (via my Uncle Stan) the art of shoving a chicken's head out flat on the ground...beak extended.  Then I took a small stick, placed it in front of the chicken's beak and quickly drew a line straight away in the dirt.  The stupid chicken would stay right there, frozen on the ground, beak poking forward, eyes crossed, for quite awhile.  Soon, my sister and I had a contest going:  who could line up the most transfixed chickens before the first victim shook off the effects.  The activity came to an abrupt end when our Grandfather caught us and let out a stream of words in many of the 8 languages he'd mastered.  (This was the Grandfather who, at the age of 7,  was set adrift in the Volga River on an ice flow by his parents -- who were slaughtered the following day along with every man, woman and child in the village. --by the way -- he had 6 kids, never took a pill in his life, was kind, loving, funny and creative - Oh where were all the counselors back then?  Boy, he coulda killed a zillion people, robbed a  billion banks and walked...because of his "traumatic" childhood.  Are we riding this pony a bit long, or what?)  7:15:42 AM    comment []