Tuesday, November 12, 2002

(Con't.) SAN QUENTIN PRISON Had a call from son, Gerry, who is in the parking lot outside San Quentin Prison.  He and two other agents are hiding in a camper, waiting to grab a guard who is supposedly bringing in a satchel full of drugs.  They'll allow him to clear the gate -- slam in -- then they'll arrest him and escort him to his new home!  Gerry says the camper's set up similar to his car.  They can watch the action outside via a 360 degree periscope.  They can zero in on conversations 250 ft away, run the voices through an analyzer and know who's telling a big fat one.  Their vehicles have spooky stuff in 'em.  I'd like the voice-memo & the map that's on view so you can see where you're going -- Star-something. It's available in lots of cars now.  They also have 12-way intercom capability, hidden gun ports, tv, PA system, fog machine and a  bunch of things I wasn't allowed to see.  His wife cannot drive his car for ANY reason!  She can be arrested if she does.  Now, how many guys have THAT going for 'em? He can also use his gadgets while parked outside his own home...to see what his 4 kids are doing.  Now, that's not fair, Dad!  I wanted him to park near the used car lot while I spoke to manager about a car.  heh heh heh   10:42:58 PM    comment []

(Cont'd.) LAMPOON - a 200 Watt pontoon                             ********** A sweet potato exploded in my microwave oven a bit ago.  The noise it made caused a crowd to gather.  The crowd became unruly -- to be honest, they weren't ruly to begin with.  The argument centered around the length of time it takes, running on high speed, to disintegrate a sweet potato SO entirely that it causes the interio off a microwave to turn orange.  For those who don't know - sweet potato splat is orange.  The guesses ranged from 1 hour to 10 hours.  However, since I have a cheapy microwave which only has a 1 hour timer...that  ended up the unanimous choice.  HOW  I managed to zap the thing for an hour without noticing, created another session of speculation among the ever growing throng.  I believe the consensus was:  "Gone Bonkers!"  That from the doctor who lives behind & to the left of me.  He may have been a tad shaded in his view, depending upon how well he took to having his Collie stripe-sprayed in redwood stain.  I mean...as if I KNEW the dog was there when I turned on the jet sprayer!    Once sprayed a pony green (vegetable coloring) for St. Patrick's Day.  But I'd never spray a dog - - - especially redwood color -- and oil-based stain, too. 10:19:30 PM    comment []

THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions: LAGOON - a Hollywood celebrity body guard LAISSEZ-FAIRE  - (Fr.) only makes love to blondes LAITY - place a golf peg LAMAZE - So. California's freeway system LAMBASTING - what you keep doing to that young sheep in the oven LAMBDA - a sheep prosecutor LAMBENT - a fold-up sheep LAMB'S-QUARTERS  - sheep change LAMMAS - sheep buttocks LAMPBLACK - ...light off                           **********   6:48:58 PM    comment []

THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions: LABOR UNION -  le maze classes LABRA - le Titslinger   (original name-proper noun) LABRUM - an alcoholic beverage distilled in chemistry class LACERTA - Spanish for: damn fine mattress LACKADAISICAL - having bike which may only be ridden at night    ?(lack-a-day-cycle) LACKEY - locked outside in your undies LACKLUSTER - your car's paint job after a sand storm LACTESCENT - ordorless and broke LACTIC - your clock's busted LACTONE - unable to sing on key LADINO - breed the Flintstone's pet LADIES - a john succumbs atop a hooker LADYFINGER - a dainty flip-off LAERTES - a strip show in a lion's den LAG - (So.)  what y'alls got on tha upways topa yer foot                         ************* Just as I.............WAIT.......... HELICOPTER CIRCLING........PA: LOCK DOORS, ETC. okay, my DOOR is locked - as if that'd stop anyone.  dang... dust flying all over!!!  soooo glad I washed my car yesterday.  ...just rescued the cat who was splayed against the security door, screeching.  They're pulling up.... oh now I can hear the sirens  cutting out, one by one as they reach the scene.  A moment - see if I can walk down the hill and spy. ...an older, tan car -- Monte Carlo-like -- spun out  into the field across the street.  They must've been chasing it.  One of the guys said they cuffed 3 occupants.  Wonder which of the 12 units they put them in?  Saw nutty neight Bev, who had been driving down her circular drive to exit her property when the hullabaloo began.  She's all tootled with her new Lincoln Voyager -- or is it Scavenger... it's   "gerrrr on the end" of a great white SUV.  And, NO...we don't give a damn about all the phoney baloney being shoveled out by the EPA jerks.  Think about it:  IF they get the air and water cleaned up.... THEY'RE OUT OF THEIR JOBS!!!   Same with the cancer research folks:  cure cancer and the bottom falls out of the economy!  It is a multi-multi BILLION dollar scam.  DIdn't used to be until they figured out their careers would melt.  Why am I on a tangent???  Helicopters landing in front of my bedroom window tend to scare the hell outta me - we have the only true clearance for landing anywhere around.... except out in the field across the street...but it backs up to a hospital on the next street over.    OH... as Eric Idle says:   "I've wet 'em!"     12:12:28 PM    comment []