THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions:
LAWBREAKERS - Venus Williams & Pete Sampras ?confused? (LOB-wreckers) heh heh
9 TOES OVER THE LINE - me
LAW OF MOSES - "Take two tablets and call me in the morning."
LAWSUIT - a blue uniform
LAY DAY - when your chickens produce
LAYERS - romantic encounters that were BIG mistakes --again? ok (lay -errs)
LAY READER - a literarily emersed hooker
LAZARUS - a franchised "Pick-a-Pro" hooker store
LAZULITE - diet Lazu
LAZYBONES (Fr.) making it with a skeleton (lay-ze-bones)
LEACHING - a Chinese seashore balloonist...... (what the hell does THAT mean?) must be late...
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My Uncle Toad - his 8-yr-old choice of names vs Edwin John - loved to make things happen. When GE(?or Westinghouse) came out with it's first airconditioner, Uncle Toad wanted the southwestern U.S. territory. GE nixed that plan, so Toad set about lining up all the proxies he could muster and, by the time of the next stockholder's meeting...he held controlling shares. This time when he asked for the So. West territory it was approved. He was a happy camper. He tried out the first railroad carload of swamp cooler-type air conditioners... in Houston, Texas ... one of the most humid places in North America. Naturally, water cascaded down walls - inside and out - and the entire project was kaputt. Not one to be put off, Toad hired an engineer, leased a warehouse, gave the guy carte blanche with the proviso that he build an air conditioner that would work IN Houston!!! The tinkering dragged on for months. Finally, THE call. He had an airconditioner & it worked marvelously! Toad rushed to the warehouse, stepped from the heat of a July summer into a wonderfully cool room. He was overjoyed. The engineer proudly escorted him to view his invention....this life-saving machine for millions of homes, for hospitals, schools... oh, the list was endless -- UNTIL TOAD SAY THE AIRCONDITIONER. It stood about 12 ft tall x 9 ft deep x 14 ft wide! ...but it worked... Dreams dashed, Toad bought the warehouse, had it revamped, remodeled, carpeted and leased out to a mortuary within a month. ***
Many years later, Uncle Toad handed me a box of brushless toothpaste tablets. He had a couple of bucks in it & wondered if he should proceed any further. I put them in my plane & in the suitcase I used when traveling. Late one afternoon, we were flying from Ft. Bragg to Sacramento to join up with our traveling buddies. We had another couple with us - the all-trusting, unaware Walt & Darlene of Muleje castaway fame. Over Clearlake, we were suddenly enveloped in a very dark cloud. No one aboard was instrument rated, so we descended toward the airfield @ Clearlake - actually, it's another name but... - Moments after leaving the plane, a stiff storm dropped tubs of rain on us. We notified Sac & put up at the nearest motel. Before I left the plane, I grabbed a handfull of the toothpaste tablets since we were not taking our luggage out. Next morning I happily passed out the tablets -- even gave some to the motel owner & his wife -- and a couple in the room nextdoor. I explained that I'd need their reactions so I could tell my uncle. Although the flavor was quite good, a peppermint-flavored ALKASELTZER would've provided a lot less BLUE foam. There were eight people running for sinks & faucets & wastebaskets & tall grass and all of them had blue foam roiling from between their pinched lips. It even came out of noses. The TRUE GRIT it left in every crevass of your mouth was astounding. The more one rinsed, the more it foamed, and the greater the amount of grit. After 15 minutes the Keystone Kops couldn't possibly match, we all began to think it was terribly, incredibly funny. The weather cleared and we made it to Sacramento, where Howard and Looney Irene met us. Naturally, being folks who were considerate of our friends, we gave them ALL the remaining toothpaste tabs -- our reward was just ahead... in Muleje. heh heh heh When Uncle Toad inquired about the tabs, I asked to see his current supply. He showed me several 250 tab boxes. I showed the boxes to the garbage -- except for ONE tab, which I demanded he try. We never spoke of it again. -- oh, by the way, Uncle Toad was Undersecretary of Agriculture under FDR, so he wasn't a complete nut. That leaves open the title of "Incomplete Nut" - right?
10:27:26 AM 
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