THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions:
MALEMUTE - a quiet knight
MALIGNANT - slander a household insect
MAMMOTH - a Mommy butterfly
MANCANDO - thunder mug contents
MANCIPATE - how he knew he was going bald
MANDAMUS - what Adam did by eating that apple
MANELESS -the U.S. moves it's N.E. border down to New Hampshire
MANHANDLE - a penis
MANJACK - used to pry husbands off the couch
And you guys all said this was a NEW year...HAH! Christmas started out on the 20th with a huge family dinner at the Spaghetti Factory, and Crazy cousin Babs breaking her vow of gift sanity by handing out cards -- to everyone -which contained $100 for those under 40 and up to $350 for us old fogies. The youngest, Luke, 12... looked as if someone hit him in the face with an armadillo - he'd never seen a $100 dollar bill. As of this date, he still has it - fascinated by it. In our family this could mean he's configuring the obstacles to counterfeiting the thing, handing it to a passing stranger who looks hungry, buying abalone diving gear, a new fishing rod or a horse. On the 22 the festivities leaped to Babs & Anthony's house for a gourmet feast of gargantuan proportions - scallops, mussels, soft-shell crabs, a GIANT prime rib, lobster tails and a ham specially prepared by blindfolded monks in a cave somewhere near Wilmington, Delaware. I gave Babs a poster of WF Cat Wrestling champs, Fang and CATasstrophy - she gave me a game called "Fact or Crap" - plus French egg-shaped soaps - plus a fantastic sculpture I had accidentally admired aloud, and a Behrens painting. That presented a problem. Quickly, I had to find a place for my rejoicing cow statue - complete with black web pantyhose...even over her udder... my tennis shoe statue had to move, the frog purse, frog fairy, and Geremiah was a frog had to make way for the sophisticated stuff. In case anyone wants to find all my neat stuff... look under my life-size real-as-hell rendering of a wildebeast snoozing atop a giant ant hill. THAT was NOT the end of Christmas! The 24th everyone went to daughter Anna's house for desserts of every kind and opening presentss. The 25th at 9 am, we arrived at my best friend (of 41 years) Terry's daughter's house for our usual bash of Ramos Fizzes, sausages, ham, bacon, omelettes, French toast, etc. Then we opened presents. I got a trip to Mazatlan in April, new tableware, and a wild shirt to wear on the beach. Now is Terry would just join me on the beach, but she has this "thing" about fearing she's on the deep side of the ocean and well...
The morning of the 26, daughter Anna, her hubby Brian and I totally jammed their truck with stuff and headed south 330 miles to stay with Middle Son, Troy, his wife and 7 kids. (and YOU thought YOU had a hectic Christmas...HAH) I stayed at Troy's which Anna & Brian FORCED themselves to stay in some swank resort in Newport Beach, where they played golf & Anna got the complete Elizabeth Arden treatment -- including being smeared with green stuff. She called it her "avacado" look. We returned on the 30th to find Tim/Bobby very ill, the dogs - Puck & Zamaboni - madder than wet mink coat owners and a notice from the re-fi folks that we had to completely redo the siding on my house and the cottage nextdoor, complete the roof, install rain gutters, trim in the arched window and air conditioner, replace some plumbing in the cottage and paint everything that didn't move. And it's only 6 days into the New Year. Oh, also, my birthday is Dec. 29th - so is daughter, Anna's and granddaughter, Tiffany's (I planned it that way). I was reminded this evening by Crazy Babs that we have a luncheon coming up to celebrate our combined birthdays. Yeah, 5 days into the year and already son-in-law Brian has broken his big toe - right foot, and fourth toe - left foot... and he's due to referee MAJOR hockey tournaments all during the next 4 weeks. Ever seen a ref with a walker on blades? p.s. new dog also arrived from one of the Oakland A's players who's been sent somewhere for 8 months and can't take his 1 year old chocolate brown Lab. Ii've exhausted myself just talking about it all. Gadzooks...
OH - if the Pillsbury doughboy stands in front of you turns around and bends over....what do you see? ... DONUTS!
12:55:36 AM 
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