THE AMERICAN HERETIC'S DICTIONARY definitions:
METAPOLITICIAN - to fling hamburger at the mayor (HELP?) ok... meat-a-politician
MIASMA - why I have trouble breathing
MICROLITE - I have a blackbird lamp (NO! you figure it out!)
MICKLE - the new McDonald's pickle
MICROWEBER - a teensy weensy barbeque
MICROANALYSIS - 22 seconds on a psychiatrist's couch
MICROMANIA - why I only get 22 seconds on the psychiatrist's couch
MICROBE - the first item in McDonald's new clothing line
MICROPHYTES - Joe Louis' "bum-of-the-week" KO's
MICROSTATS - the sum and substance of Reggie Jackson's baseball announcing
MIDDLEMAN - an internist
MIDDLE-OF-THE-ROAD - the election year residence of most politicians
MILCH - a milk belch
******
An udder cousin, (from La Paz) not nearly as goofy as Crazy Cousin Babs... came into town & we met to discuss a family problem. (HIS family! ...my family only has ONE problem - me!) After 3 overlapping phone calls, he asked if I'd skip down to the refreshment nitch and grab a couple of Pepsi's. I did feel a bit foolish ... skipping down a hotel hallway 'n all ... then the idiot machine wouldn't take $1 bills or coins. I looked for a credit card slot, mini-bank teller, number for Pepsi or Joan Crawford -- nada! I walked up to the 4th floor and naively engaged that machine with my money. ZILCH! A man guy person said the machine only took verbal assaults. 5th floor, same problem. Gave up and took the elevator to the concierge's area whereupon I explained my problem. "Did you try the 6th floor?" said the Q-tip with legs, his eyes expectant of an answer. "Perhaps you'd try the 14th floor machine FOR me, okay?" Q-tip person's eyes now did that quick-glance-ceilingward as he INFORMED me, "The Hyatt only has 12 floors, madam." I was only perturbed and thirsty before this haughty little TOILET BOWL BRUSH pushed my "madam" button. I went across the lobby to the gift shop, paid the ridiculous price of $2 for a (gag - the thought twirls my glotus) COKE! (THERE, I said it out loud!) I took it back to Lint-for-brains and explained that it was a Coca Cola, NOT a Pepsi as is offered on all of their floors via non-functioning machines, which causes folks to go down to the gift shop to buy Pepsi's evil competitor thereby circumventing the contract they no doubt had with Pepsi. He could, therefore, keep the $2 coke and PERSONALLY bring 4 Pepsi's to my cousin's room or I was going to call the CEO of Pepsico, Mr. Pheittnlagyua. (You always want to mumble the name of the VIP you don't know and can't remember if you ever knew.) I was afraid to turn on my heel and smartly step to the elevator... fear of my heel cutting a carpet cookie in the rug, and that piece of carpet flapping unceremoniously behind my shoe as I ... as I ... how DOES one "step smartly"? Anyway, moments after telling my cousin why it had taken so long to get no soda, two waiters entered the room bearing trays of ice buckets containing can upon can of Pepsi, "Compliments of the Hyatt." My cousin sat there laughing and shaking his head, then said, "I didn't know YOU knew Phil Pheittnlagyua!"
7:26:36 PM 
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