Since you're here, I feel a need to explain this weblog. It probably doesn't need explaining, In fact, it is probably beyond explanation. But the need is still there and must be filled. Perhaps, at least, I can explain the name.
It's origins spring from a small business, a pizza parlor, itself known by many names but remaining nameless here. It is one of the many pizza parlours and restaurants my friend Mike has worked at over the years, and quite possibly, the worst of the bunch. Why Mike worked there for so long, I'll never know. Many long-suffering friends and well-wishers nagged him about quitting for years before he finally fled to saner pastures. It was a hard, horrible, nasty place to work.
Bad attitude was probably its best feature. And that attitude slopped over everywhere and onto everyone eventually. Mike is my friend and, when he isn't working for hypertense lunatics, he's a fairly decent human being. But he can be driven beyond endurance, which is how he came to name this particular corner of my universe.
The caller was approximately middle-aged and very huffy. She wanted to know the prices of small, medium and large pizzas. Mike gave her the requested prices in a friendly, calm, businesslike manner. She then proceeded to argue over the stated price of a large pizza. However, the prices were all listed on the carryout menu she admitted she had in front of her. These prices had not changed, had never changed and were not likely to change anytime in the near or foreseeable future.
The woman continued to insist that she had called earlier, had spoken to Mike personally and had been quoted an entirely different price on a large pizza. "Why did you tell me that?" she wanted to know.
Mike explained that he had never spoken to the woman before, since he'd just come on duty, but that she may have been misinformed by someone else and, if that were the case, he was sorry, but the prices were as he had just quoted them. This had no effect on Madame, however. "Then, why did you tell me that the price was different?" she kept demanding.
Mike managed to remain calm and even jovial for almost 10 minutes of this nonsense. Finally she asked the same silly question one too many times and Mike responded in the same pleasant, rational voice, "Well, ma-am, do you drink?"
She, oblivious to the obvious, snapped, "No, of course not. What difference does that make?"
And Mike replied, "Well, then, are you subject to fits and seizures?"
To which her answer went something like, "Click."
And this is where we get to my part in this affair. Because I am writing this page and it is only fair to warn anyone foolish enough to pause here long enough to view my vented verbiage and irrational ramblings that I am subject to fits and seizures.
And these are some of them.
Pat Christensen
1:31:10 PM 
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