Charmed
Yesterday I bought a box of Lucky Charms while I was at Target.
The box doesn't look like the one above, which is from General Mills' Web site. This is a gimmicky box, with the words "NEW GREAT GREEN CLOVER MARSHMALLOWS" in the upper lefthand corner of the front of the box. The words "NEW GREAT GREEN CLOVER MARSHMALLOWS" splay across a giant green four-leaved clover that looms over a bowl of Lucky Charms and dominates the front of the box. "MORE CLOVERS IN EVERY BOWL!" the front of the box promises in the lower lefthand corner. Lucky the Leprechaun is on the front of the box, of course; he holds a great green four-leaved clover marshmallow in his left hand. Rays of light emanate from behind the great green four-leaved clover marshmallow in Lucky's hand.
More clovers in every bowl isn't a selling point for me. I just like Lucky Charms -- even though Lucky Charms is just Cheerios made tolerable by the addition of the multicolored marshmallows -- and I hadn't had them in a while, so I bought a box of them.
I was too lazy to obtain a real dinner last night, so I ate the entire damned box of Lucky Charms, loaded with new great green clover marshmallows, over a period of several hours while I was on the Internet. (In my defense, it was a 14-ounce box, the smallest box that Lucky Charms comes in, with the exception of those tiny single-serving boxes. That's not even a pound of Lucky Charms, and Lucky Charms, it seems to me, like Chee-tohs, is mostly air.)
My shit was about this color of green all day today. (I'm not making that shit up.)
I attribute it, of course, to the massive amounts of food coloring that I ingested yesterday, all of those Lucky Charms marshmallows, most of them green, and don't the yellow and blue ones also combine to make green?
I'm thinking that the fact that if you eat an entire box of Lucky Charms with new great green clover marshmallows you'll shit green is a pretty good selling point, and that if I worked for General Mills' advertising agency, I'd put that on the front of the box, maybe with Lucky the Leprechaun squeezing out a lucky little green one on his lucky little toilet.
9:31:10 PM 
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