Descent into hell
I've got to be a macho man!
Editor's note (or, briefing for a descent into hell): I'm thinking that this is going to be a regular feature and that I'll call it "Descent into hell." I will visit wingnut blogs and tear the wingnuts to pieces with their own words. It's easy, it's fucking fun, there aren't nearly enough of us "moonbats" doing it, and it's important to know the enemy. So here goes, our descent into hell. Don't be afraid; I'll hold your hand.
My first victim is this self-professed "real man":
He calls himself "The Skipper" (hey, wasn't one of The Village People a skipper?). His wingblog is "Barking Moonbat Early Warning System."
He includes this cute picture of a "moonbat," which looks an awful lot like Kit, my long-haired Chihuahua, if you were to shave her down:
Sexy hunk of a man, though, ain't he, The Skipper? His profile says that he's 56 years old, divorced (you'll soon see why) and lives, shockingly, in a red state, Missouri. The only things that he and I have in common, from his profile, is that we're both biological males, we're both Pisceans (however, he is a big stain upon the sign of Pisces) and our favorite color is purple.
For his biological sex in his profile, he writes: "Sex: when I get lucky .... er, Male"
So you know that he's fucking funny.
His "dislikes" include "liars," "illogical people" and "terrorists" -- yet he also says that he's a "Reagan Republican." (Apparently, he doesn't see the contradiction...)
His profile also says that he speaks French, but my understanding from the Repugnicans is that real men don't speak French... Hell, I'm gay and I don't speak French. (I am, however, semi-fluent in Spanish.) His profile also says that he has a B.A. in music -- um, help me here, because I'm a faggot and I don't know these things: Do real men study music?
Anyway, here is rant of Skippy's from yesterday that I discovered via Salon.com's Daou Report, a roundup of moonblogs and wingblogs that should fucking feature mine, God damn it. Skipbo's rant is titled "The Pussification Continues." My comments are in [brackets].
It has been noted by Kim Du Toit in his venerable essay “The Pussification Of The American Male” that the male population in this country is going to the dogs. [Um, a guy named Kim dares to talk about "the pussification of the American male"? Um, OK...] Kim has recently taken his blog off-line and gone on hiatus for a time or else I would give you a link to that editorial that strikes at the heart of several things that are wrong in our modern world.
We’ve got homosexuals in the military thanks to the liberals and if the ACLU had anything to do with it we'd have them in the Boy Scouts. The American male is being driven undercover, made to look foolish in nearly every advertisement you see and if that don’t beat all, we have recently been given a new word to add to our vocabulary, thanks again to the liberal Left. That word is "metrosexual". [Actually, I don't know who coined that word, and I don't think that the Skipster does, either. And isn't "the liberal Left" a bit redundant, like saying "the conservative Right" or "capitalist weasel" or "evil Republican"?]
What is a “metrosexual”? I don’t have a clue. All I know is that I’m probably not one based on what I’ve read. [No, Skippy, trust me, you're not a metrosexual. Metrosexuals, by connotation if not by definition, are young, good-looking and tend to have exceedingly good taste. Your photo indicates not guilty on all three counts.] According to the liberal media that probably also means I’m an unreconstructed neanderthal (note to the “cavemen” in the GEICO commercials: I feel your pain). ["Neanderthal" should be CAPITALIZED, but at least the Neanderthal spelled it correctly.] I consider myself to be a rational, intelligent, hard-working male of the species. I love women and am willing to put up with a certain amount of grief from the “fairer sex” in the interests of harmony. [I don't speak Straight very well, but I'm guessing that the translation of that would be this: "I'll put up witch yer women's bullshit in erder tah git me summa dat pussy!"] I have no “feminine” side though and I have no need to try and get in contact with my sensitive “inner man”. [The period goes inside of the quotation mark, Skip. Free advice from one Piscean blogger who likes purple to another.] That is all patent bullshit, as far as I’m concerned. [I'm fine if you don't have a "'feminine' side," Skipman, because you'd be dog-ass-ugly in drag.]
Does all that make me a “sexist pig” (with apologies to Oink)? I don’t think so. [No, Skip to My Lou, it's your sexist thinking, which is revealed by your condescending, sexist language -- such as "I ... am willing to put up with a certain amount of grief from the 'fairer sex' in the interests of harmony" -- that makes you such a fucking sexist pig.] All it makes me is a man who believes that blurring of the gender roles is contributing to the downfall of civilization. I believe every man has to make up his mind what he will make of himself, in the context of being a man, not of being part man and part woman or any combination thereof. I know who I am and what I am and that’s all I need to know about myself. I take comfort in the fact that John Wayne and Humphrey Bogart would probably agree with me. [Gee, Rock Hudson turned out to be a fag. Can we be 100 percent sure of John Wayne or Humphrey Bogart?]
The men described in this story below [he refers to an article on metrosexuals that I see no need to include here; if you want to read it, it's here] obviously have other ideas. That’s because they’re not real men. They are “metrosexuals” and seem to be proud of that fact. I wouldn’t give a plugged nickel for any one of them in a street fight though .... [Isn't that red-state vernacular so darling? Can't you just picture a guy spitting tobacco as he says, "I wouldn't give a plugged nickel for..."?]
OK, here's the deal, Skippy:
First of all, I don't understand your obsession with us fags. I mean, I'm a fag and I'm fine with being a fag, and so I don't go around obsessing about what straight men do. Because I don't really give a shit what straight men do.
Your obsession with fags and with the whole macho thing makes me suspect that you're just like that character in "American Beauty," the ex-military, ultra-macho homophobe (played by Chris Cooper) -- who ends up kissing his male neighbor (played by Kevin Spacey) on the mouth.
To the contrary, I don't think that you have any clue whatsoever as to who you are and what you are -- you have only an archaic, woefully misguided belief of who and what you should be that you most likely will take with you to your grave.
Skippers, why the dread of metrosexuals? No one is forcing you to be a metrosexual.
I am not a big fan of metrosexuals myself. Overly manicured and overly coiffed guys don't do it for me, either, boyfriend, but I don't assert, or at least imply, like you do, that they don't have the right to exist.
I am secure in who and what I am, so the fact that those whom you and your ilk might call "girlie men" exist does not keep me up at night, like it apparently keeps you "up" at night.
Live and let live, we crazy fucking barking moonbats like to say -- because we're so fucking craaazy! We're so crazy that we bark -- like moonbats! Craaaaaaazy! Arf! Arf! Arf!
Skipmeister, if you want to drink beer and watch football in your underwear while you scratch yourself, go to monster truck shows, wave your made-in-China U.S. flag at Nazi-like Repugnican rallies and treat women like objects, then knock yourfuckingself out. You go do your thang, boyfriend.
But where in the fuck do you come off thinking that you can dictate how other people live their lives?
This is a crucial difference between us "moonbats" and you wingnuts: You wingnuts talk incessantly about "democracy" and "freedom," blah blah blah, but the reality is that, just like the members of the Taliban and other fanatical patriarchal groups, you want to control everyone else's every thought, word and action. In reality, you abhor democracy and freedom -- well, you want democracy and freedom for yourselves and for your clones, but not for anyone else -- just like the members of the Taliban do. Just like the members of the Taliban, you want total patriarchal control.
The "blurring of the gender roles is contributing to the downfall of civilization" is exactly what a member of the Taliban would assert.
"I believe every man has to make up his mind what he will make of himself, in the context of being a man, not of being part man and part woman or any combination thereof." What a sick and twisted, schizophrenic statement that is, Skippy: First you say that "every man has to make up his mind what he will make of himself," implying that every man should have the personal freedom to be who and what he wishes to be, but then you immediately go on to say that every man can be whoever and whatever he wants to be -- as long as he is "a man, not ... part man and part woman or any combination thereof."*
That's Taliban-like "logic."
Skipper, you are just like the enemy, and therefore, to me, you and your ilk are the enemy.
But it's so cool that you also like purple!
*Jesus Christ, I feel very sorry for your two adult sons (at least one of whom, in your pictures, sets off this moonbat's gaydar big time, by the way). To have been raised by someone like you must have been very painful.
P.S. OK, I just looked up "metrosexual" at Wikipedia. Wikipedia says:
Metrosexual is a term coined in 1994 (along with the noun, metrosexuality) by British journalist Mark Simpson, who used it to refer to an urban male of any sexual orientation who has a strong aesthetic sense and spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle. He is the fashion-conscious target audience of men's magazines.... [More here.]
So much for the vast "liberal Left"-wing conspiracy...
My advice for metrophobes like Skippy is not to read men's magazines like GQ and Esquire.
12:04:51 PM 
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