Whom would Jesus spam?
Blog comments spammers suck.
What are blog comments spammers? Blog comments spammers are assbites who use bloggers' comments function to promote their own blog or cause or, worse, their business.
Some asshole left a comment spam on a recent post in which I wrote about Jesus Christ. He was promoting his right-wing nutcase "Christian" music -- clearly not what my blog is about. "Check out some good, modern Christian music, songs with punch that reflect Christ's power," he wrote, and then he linked to a webpage containing a "Christian" song of his, the lyrics of which are as follows (copied and pasted from the webpage):
Some dreams are so real
they wake you up with a scream,
But then you look around and wish
it was only a dream.
You should have heard that first big rumble
When the sky came down.
See all the proud, too good to worship,
Well they ain't proud now.
On hands and knees trying to dig a hole
But they will never get away.
Cuz Jesus didn't come to play
You'll pay forever and ever.
JESUS IS REAL, I TOLD YOU SO,
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING
WHEN YOU ALL REBELLED?
JESUS IS REAL, HE'S GONNA SHOW
YOU WHAT HE'S MADE OF.
You could have lived with the LORD forever,
Walking down His streets of gold.
And left behind all the pain and hatred,
If you'd done what you were told.
The sun is black, and you still
don't know when to quit,
The LORD's had enough, and you know this is it.
Bring all your soldiers, your men of war
But it won't do no good.
He'll burn you up and cast you out
Just like He said He would.
Fire from heaven raining down on you
And there is nowhere you can run.
You see the end has just begun,
You'll burn forever and ever.
JESUS IS REAL,
YOU HAD TO LEARN,
WHATEVER POSSESSED YOU
TO THINK YOU COULD WIN?
JESUS IS REAL, TOO BAD YOU HAD TO
SEE HIM LIKE THIS.
You could have lived with the LORD forever,
Walking down His streets of gold.
And left behind all the pain and hatred,
If you'd done what you were told.
"Christian" fundamentalists are fundamentally any different from the members of the Taliban how? I mean, just substitute "Allah" for "Lord" and "Muhammad" for "Jesus" in the bad lyrics above and you pretty much have a Taliban song, the central theme of which is: Believe what I believe or "pay forever and ever." (Amen.)
Anyway, I deleted the wingnut's comment -- which he probably didn't think I had the ability to do, but thought that I was stuck with his free ad -- and I e-mailed him: "My blog does not exist to provide you with free advertising."
He replied only with the subject line of "NONSENSE, THAT'S ONE OF THE PURPOSES OF BLOGS." There was nothing in the body of his e-mail but the apparent signature line of "JESUS IS REAL. If you think HE can't do anything for you, I dare you to invite HIM into your life."
The concept of daring someone to come to Jesus is odd and suggests to me a capacity for aggression. Anyway, I replied:
Um, no, the vast majority of bloggers hate it when people try to use their blogs for shameless self-promotion and for profit, and it's sick and pathetic that you pass yourself off as a spokesperson for Jesus Christ -- especially when you try to PROFIT off of His name. Jesus didn't die on the cross so that YOU could make $$$. I dare YOU to be a REAL Christian and not to try to cloak your greed in the name of Christianity.
He responded with the subject line of "THERE ARE MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF CHRISTIAN BUSINESSMEN IN THE WORLD." The body of his e-mail consisted of: "AND THEY ALL, LIKE ME, USE ADVERTISING. JUST SIT BACK AND ACCEPT IT."
I like the all caps. It's pretty clear that I'm dealing with an aggressive assbite here. And that he is a man of few words indicates to me that he is a man of a small vocabulary. (At least, however, unlike most wingnuts, he can spell or uses spellcheck, his use of "cuz" in the lyrics of his song notwithstanding.)
I wrote back:
"Christian businessmen" -- there's pretty much no such thing. Jesus turned over the money-changers' tables for mixing money with religion. Yet you're doing the exact [same] thing.
And "Just sit back and accept it" -- sounds like something one says right before he date rapes someone. Yeah, you're a real Christian all right.
You and your ilk give Christianity a bad name.
I know. Arguing with someone who is such a lost cause isn't going to get me anywhere, but whenever I can get a wingnut to put his or her "arguments" into writing, it's great.
I think I missed my calling. I shoulda been a preacher, because I know the New Testament better than all of the "Christians" I've known put together and I can mop the floor with them when it comes to arguing the teachings of Jesus Christ, which are in black and white but with which "Christians" don't bother to familiarize themselves, much more actually try to emulate.
And for the record: The purpose of blog comments are to comment on the topic discussed in the blog post. Duh. Optimally, your comment will be thoughtful and insightful. Minimally, it will pertain to the subject of the blog post.
And Jesus taught, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." That would preclude spamming others. Duh.
7:28:36 PM 
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