Reuters photo
Five houses? No, John Q. Sixpack McCain -- who's one of us, you know! -- has eight houses, according to The Associated Press.
McCainosaurus:
Too senile or too rich to know
how many houses he owns?
Or both?
John Sidney McCain III's handlers must be shitting their suits over his latest gaffe. That the McCainosaurus couldn't remember, when recently asked, how many houses he owns, indicates insane wealth or Alzheimer's disease -- or both.
I remember a nauseating chain e-mail that the wingnuts circulated during the 2004 presidential election season. It began with, "John Kerry, man of the common folk...he understands your pain, really..." The chain e-mail (see it in its pathetic entirety here) then goes on to show photos of five multi-million-dollar homes supposedly owned by Kerry.
The e-mail, whose author encourages the recipient to dutifully forward it to everyfuckingone he or she knows, concludes: "Class warfare is not right, but neither is being a hypocrite. [Kerry] wants to be our president while claiming that he relates to Joe Sixpack and the common man...."
Being a socialist at heart, I'm all for class warfare -- the rich declare war on the middle class and the poor every fucking day. Let the war on the rich begin at any time now! Revolution rocks!
And I'll add that the myth-busting snopes.com states of the chain e-mail that Kerry only owns one of the five homes, with his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, and that the other four homes are in the name of his wife and/or in the name of her previous husband, the late John Henry Heinz III (yup, the catsup clan).
John Kerry and John Fossil Fool McCain actually have quite a lot in common. Both are named John, both are Vietnam veterans, both dumped their first wives to marry women worth millions of dollars (Kerry married a catsup heiress and McCain III a beer heiress), and both became U.S. senators. No wonder there was talk of a Kerry-McCain ticket in 2004; they could have spent hours in the White House exchanging war stories and tips on how to pick up rich chicks.
But that's not my point. My point is this:
Is the same wingnut who started the Kerry-can't-possibly-be-one-of-us-because-he-owns-multiple-homes chain e-mail going to circulate a similar chain e-mail about the McCainosaurus, who can't even remember how many houses he owns? (John Kerry could have answered that question: One.)
Reports The Associated Press:
John McCain may have created his own housing crisis.
Hours after a report that the Republican presidential nominee-in-waiting didn't know how many homes he and his multi-millionaire wife own, Democratic rival Barack Obama launched a national TV ad and a series of campaign stops aimed at portraying McCain as wealthy and out of touch.
With the economy the top issue in the race, Obama sought to turn McCain's gaffe into one of those symbolic moments that stick in voters' minds.
Think John Kerry sailboarding or the first President Bush wowed by a grocery store checkout scanner, Michael Dukakis riding in a tank or Gerald Ford eating a tamale with the husk still on.
"I think -- I'll have my staff get to you," McCain told the Politico online site when asked Wednesday how many houses he owns. "It's condominiums where -- I'll have them get to you."
Later, the McCain campaign told Politico that McCain and his wife, Cindy, have at least four in three states -- Arizona, California and Virginia.
Property records reviewed by The Associated Press show McCain and his family appear to own at least eight homes: A ranch and two condos in Arizona; three condos in Coronado, Calif.; a condo in La Jolla, Calif.; and another in Arlington, Va. The number of houses is a bit trickier to determine since the ranch has at least four houses and a two-story cabin on it.
Last week McCain cracked that being rich in the U.S. meant earning at least $5 million a year. His latest comments gave Democrats an opportunity to suggest that McCain cannot relate to ordinary voters.
Campaigning in Chester, Va., Obama said: "I guess if you think being rich means you've got to make $5 million and if you don't know how many houses you have, it's not surprising you might think the economy is fundamentally strong." ...
While both sides are trying cast the other as too rich to understand the working class, the truth is neither candidate is hurting for money.
McCain's tax returns showed a total income of $405,409 in 2007. According to her 2006 tax returns, Cindy McCain had a total income of $6 million. Her wealth is estimated by some at $100 million, based on her late father's Arizona beer distributorship. She has not released her 2007 returns, which she files separately from her husband.
Obama and his wife, Michelle, reported making $4.2 million in 2007....
We don't have any poor or even middle-class U.S. senators, that I'm aware of. So I don't expect Obama to be broke because he's a Democrat.
But I wholeheartedly agree with the author of the anti-Kerry chain e-mail that hypocrisy is wrong, so I'm waiting for the wingnuts to point out, at any time now, that John Sidney McCain III, who apparently owns so many homes that he can't keep track of them, is out of touch with the common American.
Of course they won't, because these are the same dumbfucks who can be compared to chickens voting for Colonel Sanders for president. (Speaking of Colonel Sanders, Sanders -- who is dead -- was one of the geezers whom Paris Hilton compared to the McCainosaurus in her parody presidential campaign video ad.)
Because they are dumbfucks, the poor and middle-class Americans who vote Repugnican actually buy the Repugnican Party's big fat fucking lie that Someday you, too, can be a millionaire! And the Repugnican Party propagandists also assert that Those pro-tax Democrats don't want you to become millionaires, but we do!
Yeah, right -- like the George Walker Bushes and the John Sidney McCain IIIs of the nation really want mouth-breathing, NRA-card-carrying, beer-guzzling red staters to join them at their cocktail parties or at their country clubs for golf.
Fun trivia question!: What was John Q. Sixpack McCain doing on August 29, 2005?
A: It was his 69th birthday, and he was having birthday cake with George W. Bush in Arizona:
What's the significance of that date?
August 29, 2005 is the date that Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana and Mississippi, resulting in the preventable deaths of more than 2,000 Americans.*
Because John Sidney McCain III cares sooooo much about and is so in touch with the common American that he was celebrating his birthday on the same day that Hurricane Katrina hit.
McCain couldn't possibly have known what was going to happen, you say? Wikipedia disagrees with you:
By August 26, [2005,] the possibility of unprecedented cataclysm was already being considered. Many of the computer models had shifted the potential path of Katrina 150 miles westward from the Florida Panhandle, putting the city of New Orleans right in the center of their track probabilities; the chances of a direct hit were forecast at 17 percent, with strike probability rising to 29 percent by August 28.
This scenario was considered a potential catastrophe because some parts of New Orleans and the metro area are below sea level. Since the storm surge produced by the hurricane's right-front quadrant (containing the strongest winds) was forecast to be 28 feet, emergency management officials in New Orleans feared that the storm surge could go over the tops of levees protecting the city, causing major flooding.
Yes, let's put John Sidney McCain III in charge of our national security -- and just hope and pray that cataclysm doesn't strike on his birthday or on a holiday or on some other day that's not good for him.
A week from today, which will be his 72nd birthday and the third anniversary of the day he was eating cake while common Americans died in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, John Sidney McCain III is to announce his pick for his running mate. Hey -- maybe Michael "Heckuva Job, Brownie!" Brown, who was the G.W. Bush-appointed head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency when Katrina struck, could be the McCainosaurus' running mate!
But before he decides on his running mate, John Sidney McCain III first needs to figure out how many homes he owns.
*The confirmed death toll of Hurricane Katrina is 1,836, with another 705 people still missing. I'm sure that the majority of those missing are dead.
6:57:22 PM 
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