You Googled me?

I’m going to give into my current obsession with referrals from Google (and Yahoo, too).  They’re amusing, twisted and weird, sad, name it.  Sometimes it just looks like someone needs help – and ya’ know, I think I might be able to offer a hand!

Today’s Google search referral:

“Should I wear Pantyhose?”

Dang, girlfriend (assuming you’re a woman), you must have a rough day ahead if you don’t already know.  Let’s make it easier on you.

YES – wear them if:

§         You’re interviewing for a job.  Skirt and hose are a must when interviewing for professional jobs, a plus for non-professional jobs.  (And if it’s THAT profession, wear stockings.  You know the difference.)

§         You’re meeting his parents.  Damn straight, if you’re serious about him, particularly if his parents are straight-laced right-wing Republican types. (Okay, so you're not so serious - give yourself the option of being a successful daughter-in-law/SO by hedging your bets and wearing the hose.)

§         It’s a first date and you really want to make this work, or have a fair crack at it.  What the hell, show off your legs, chum him a bit.  (Are men who don't appreciate viewing your legs the kind you want anyhow?  find out what kind he is now.)

§         It’s a funeral of a loved one, a close friend, member of the family.  Just do it, you won’t regret it afterwards, and it’s a little thing.  (On the other hand, if you only have pants and the deceased never saw you in a dress, don’t start now.)

NO – don’t do it if:

§         It’s not culturally acceptable (like, a burkha might be more appropriate…) wherever you’re headed.

§         You don’t want to be seen as too serious or committed or conflicted about this occasion.  (Like you’re breaking up with a wiener of a boyfriend – don’t let him think you’ve got something else on your mind.)

§         It’s so damned hot you’ll get heatstroke.  Pantyhose are simply unsafe in high temperatures and high humidity levels because they don’t let you sweat properly.  Wear a longer dress and knee highs if you have to appear to be wearing hose.

§         You’re attending a casual event and comfort and flexibility are more important than appearing serious.  Opt for simplicity.

There, did that help?  Sure hope so, your Google search sounded like you needed a little TLC.  Take yourself to a nice café and have a coffee or tea, treat yourself to a manicure, do it soon, okay?

Oh yeah, one more thing, girlfriend (boyfriend, whatever): absolutely do not, on pain of death administered by Joan Rivers' handbag, wear white/light colored sandals and dark colored stockings.  Never, never, never.  <k-a-a-c-k>

Now, if you happen to be male and you’re Googling this particular question, sweetie, I can’t help you one whit, I admit to cluelessness about the nature of your mission and your need.  Flip a coin and go with it.  Fake it if things don't go quite well.

Wonder what Google will bring tomorrow?  I can hardly wait!

3:11:22 PM    comment []

Shaked and baked in Alaska…

Here’s one of the BIG reasons why we shouldn’t be putting too many eggs in the Alaskan basket when it comes to energy resources.

The state is extremely prone to earthquakes.  (Note the 5-year earthquake history map at the IRIS seismic monitor website.)  This one was HUGE – it’s only because the occupancy/residency rate is so low that this didn’t cause enormous death and destruction.  I can’t begin to imagine what an earthquake of this magnitude would do to a major city.  This earthquake could be felt as far away as Indiana.  (Wow...)

The Alyeska spokesman maintains the Alaska pipeline was designed to withstand earthquakes of 8.5 magnitude on the Richter scale.  That’s not that far a walk from the 7.9 experienced this weekend.  Typically a safety factor is added to construction design – like in many bridges, designs might work to a dead load 2.5 times greater than the average maximum dead load the bridge might expect to see under reasonable use in its lifetime.  What was the safety factor on the pipeline?  Was it 2.5 times average earthquake magnitude as well?  If that’s the case, this was dangerously close to exceeding this factor.  If there are any flaws in construction or maintenance along the pipeline, the safety factor is reduced substantially or becomes nil.

Let’s assume the pipeline holds up under earthquakes at the design limit of 8.5 magnitude.  What about the effect of large magnitude earthquakes on any new drilling, the equipment and people brought up for this purpose?  New setups in process won’t have safety factors of this size in place until completed.  What about the impact on the environment if any of the existing or new drilling and pipeline fails?

We really need to pursue alternative energy elsewhere, fuel cells in particular.  If we harvest any energy from Alaska, we should consider wind power or ocean-tide power.  Alaska has an extremely high percentage of area with maximum wind speeds.  Only Alaska and Maine have large tidal differences required for optimum tide power; if tide power were not an option, Alaska still has a considerable amount of shoreline which might be used for wave/ocean power harvesting.  (Much of the shoreline has not directly experienced an earthquake, only aftershocks.)  Earthquakes make take a much smaller toll on these kinds of energy harvesting processes, especially if designed for earthquakes of higher than 8.5 magnitude. 

9:44:36 AM    comment []