Last year I helped some friends who work at a former employer during the Christmas season; they had a “Giving Tree” project family for whom they were preparing gifts.  The family could be described as working poor; they had jobs, but simply weren’t getting ahead enough to make Christmas happen for their three kids.   We had a budget of approximately $50 per child; they asked for fairly modest presents and for Christmas dinner which we could accommodate in that budget.  A baby doll for the four-year-old girl, a tool box for the six-year-old boy, a CD-player and Christian music for the ten-year-old, along with gift certificates for Christmas dinner for the adults.  No problem at all, even had enough to buy extras like a stroller for the doll, extra tools for the tool box and a supply of batteries.  Since I wasn’t working, I handled the shopping and the wrapping; I also threw together some hand-made Christmas stockings with the kids names and goodies in the stockings. 

It was a good experience for us all, including my own kids.  They asked a lots of questions about the why of giving to these people, asked about the kids’ likes and dislikes, helped with the wrapping.  Exactly what Christmas should be – not all about getting but about giving.

This year’s Christmas project family, sent to us by a charitable organization, has thrown us for a loop.  The family of three asked for a PlayStation2 for their twelve-year-old son and coveralls for the father if there was any money left.

Remember my post about context below?  What does this request tell you?

We discussed this challenge yesterday; the three of us who put the most time into this project are really disconcerted with this request.  Sure, it’s Christmas, we should be concerned about giving…but what are we giving if we accept this request?

We’re really uncomfortable about the message we’d send to this twelve-year-old boy; does he have any idea at all how much a PS2 costs and that it precludes Christmas for the rest of the family?  (Our guesstimated budget is $200 in total; we haven’t yet collected the donations from the group.)  What about games that will surely be necessary in addition to the PS2?  Does this child want the PS2 only because of social pressure to have one like all the other twelve-year-olds he knows?  Are the coveralls for the father needed for work?  Why is there nothing requested for the mother?

The family says they’re really only concerned about Christmas for the boy.  We could simply accede to this wish, but that sends the wrong message to an only child who may have no other opportunity to learn to share at home; it also sends the wrong message to my own children who we watching this.  When you can’t afford Christmas, you have no business expecting the moon…

We’d left it in the air yesterday after our discussion, hoping that the donations would tell us one way or another what to do.  If we collected over $200, we’d try to accommodate the request.  If we didn’t collect that much, well, too bad, we’d have to get something else for each of the family members.  It still was uncomfortable; were we being unreasonable about this?

This morning my spouse sends me an email from his office, asking me if we can help out on the following request his company received as part of their “Giving Tree” project:

Our wish list family this year has made a request for used bikes for a boy age 12, girl age 10 and girl age 7.

 

The mother has asked if anyone has any living room furniture or dining room furniture.  The mother told me they had a fire, so anything would be greatly appreciated.  This woman over the phone seems very sincere. If someone is getting new furniture for Christmas and didn't know what they were going to do with their old set, now you've found a home for it.

 

Another request has been made for an elderly lady who has medical problems, and is having a tough time keeping warm.  She has recently moved into an apartment and could use any used items that you might have an overabundance of.  Example: dishes, silverware, blankets, towels, toaster, etc.  She has not asked for help from us, it has come from someone within our company who knows her and would like to help her out this Christmas.

 

Cheese-on-rice.  I bawled my eyes out.  I sent this to one of my friends working on the other Giving Tree project.  We talked right away about it; we can’t give a PS2 to a twelve-year-old when another boy the same age only a county away is asking for a USED bike.  USED.  Recovering from a household fire to boot.

 

We’ll be scrounging up extra money and extra household donations to help these two households.  He doesn’t know it yet, but hubby will be buying some gift certificates for toys for these three children.

 

It really put the whole conundrum into perspective; there are people who are in NEED, not WANT, and we are meant to serve those who NEED.

 

What would you do in our shoes?

 

  7:33:05 PM    comment []

It occurred to me after reading comments at blogs outside the Salon neighborhood that I haven’t praised this community recently.

Salon bloggers are intelligent, friendly, honest, forthright and egalitarian; they don’t suffer fools lightly yet they’re generous with their time whenever another blogger is in need.  While there may be marked differences in opinions among the Salon bloggers on any given topic, the overwhelming majority of exchanges are civil and encouraging.

That’s all too rare outside this neighborhood; there are blogs where it is the norm to be bashed if one posts and flamed if one comments, by virtue of one’s race, gender, ethnic origin, sexual orientation, political views, hair or eye color, you name it.  It’s very nasty outside this cozy community.

Thanks to all of you fellow bloggers here in Salon blogs; thanks, also, to our readers who comment and make this a richer blogging experience.  I don’t think I would have stayed here this long if it wasn’t for you; I don’t believe I would have learned as much without you.

12:07:01 PM    comment []