Rayne Today

Rayne Today
Searching for dharma, in spite of the weather... Proud member of the Reality-Based Community

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Some of you know I was up until after 2:00 am last night, hosting a chat about the election results. Some of you also know how upset I was about the prospects ahead, based on the outcome of the vote.

You were pretty unhappy, too. And you were up, owl-y eyed like me, unable to tear yourselves away from the impending train wreck.

It was reality television. The authentic stuff, raw, uncut. Painful, gritty.

I shut down the chat room and crawled into bed, my head spinning as if I’d had too much rotgut to drink. Agh.

It didn’t seem like I was asleep very long; a little hand shook me awake.

Mom! Mom!

I looked at my son, bleary eyed, then glanced at the clock on the bedside.

5:00 am. What the hell was he doing up at that hour? He’s usually a bugger to wake up, even at 7:00 am.

Mom, John Kerry has two hundred something votes; I think it’s forty-six. George Bush has more votes, though, I think he has two hundred something more, like sixty something.

Yes, I know, dear. Mr. Kerry doesn’t have as many as Mr. Bush.

So Mr. Kerry lost?

I don’t know yet, it might be a while before we find out how many votes he really has.

Oh. Mom, I’m sorry. I wanted Mr. Kerry to have more votes.

I know you did. Crawl in bed here and go back to sleep.

Which he did at that point, spooning his child’s body next to mine, his breathing slowing down until his body relaxed into slumber.

Wow. You created quite the political junkie there, didn’t you? whispered my spouse into my ear as we lay there in bed, listening to our son's breathing.

Oddly, he sounded rather proud of this. We’d had numerous arguments over the last year about politics; hubby accuses me of brainwashing the kids, of discouraging even-handedness. I counter that he is detached, uninformed, biased in his own way, additionally biased against action. It’s been stormy here in this household over the last couple of months, what with the deluge of media about the election and me yelling at the television far too often.

But he sounded proud of this achievement in spite of the political schism between us.

It hadn’t occurred to me right away what had transpired. I was marveling over my husband’s unexpected pride when I realized the magnitude of the situation.

The kids had fallen asleep on the couch last night, watching the election returns as I typed in the chat room. My daughter eventually rose and went to bed under her own power, but I’d had to pick up my son off the couch and put him in bed some time after midnight.

He roused as I put him in his bunk, asking to watch television for a few minutes. I turned on his set, set it on Sleep mode, and left him watching Disney channel until he drifted back to sleep.

He was snoring deeply when I tip-toed into my own room after two in the morning.

The marvel was that he’d woken up, turned on the television, changed the channel to a cable news station and read the election results.

Did I mention his seventh birthday was only two weeks ago, or that he’s in first grade?

Damn.

The disappointment, the gut-wrenching pain, the fear that I’d felt last night continued on through the day. I finally broke down and cried when I read Christopher Key’s email, cried again when I read it to a friend over the phone. I was devastated – still am even now – that this country has lost its way. Like Christopher and other progressives I’ve heard from today, I found myself thinking of leaving this place I’ve known as home my entire life. Its values are no longer my own; I was contemplating a divorce from my country of origin. What heartache.

The kids went to school; I puttered with tasks here at home, then went to pick them up at school at the end of the day. They are placidly waiting for me as I pull up in front of the building, long faced, yet chewing on words they wanted to spit out.

Mom, I’m really sorry, said my son as he got in the backseat of my car. He reached over and squeezed my shoulder with his little boy’s hand.

Now what? Were you talking too much in class again? I asked. It’s happened before, after all.

Oh no, Mom. I’m just sorry about Mr. Kerry. I heard he lost.

Thank you, dear. It’s sad, but we’ll be okay.

Yeah, he said, we’ll do it again next year. Kerry for President! he shouted, pumping his hands in the air.

Not next year, his sister corrected, in four years.

Why not next year? he asked. Never mind, four years is okay, we’ll do it again. Kerry for President!

I pulled away from the curb and drove across the parking lot, trying to hold back tears that threatened to well up as I turned into the street and sped away.

For a while today, I gave serious thought to leaving this place, weighing out the pros and cons, analyzing the logistics of this possibility. It was an appetizing idea, to get a fresh start and get away from this pain, to avoid the dreadful possibilities and potentialities that are now queued up and waiting this country.

But I realized it’s not about me, not about my pain. It’s about this little guy in the back seat of my car, the one arguing about the number of Electoral College votes with his sister as if he were arguing the statistics of his favorite sport. It’s about living in a place where the blond-haired, brown-eyed child of many nations, the progeny of a radical progressive and a privacy-freak libertarian can be completely at ease with a political system.

It’s about his chances of some day being the guy for whom a small child might pump their hands in the air as they shout his name and call him Mr. President.

I’m here for the duration, gang. Let’s roll.

I’ve got a President to raise.

11:12:27 PM

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A declaration of independence

Received this morning from our beloved Barbaric Yawp:

Dear friends,

At this late hour, I harbor no illusions. George Bush has won the election, something he didn't do four years ago. It has become apparent to me that most of my countrymen are suffering from some form of self-delusion.

They have elected a man who has failed at everything he has ever done. They have elected a man who is a proven liar. They have elected a man who has made this country more vulnerable to terrorists and helped create a new generation of terrorists even more devoted to our destruction.

They have elected a man who not only failed to capture Osama bin Laden, who admitted responsibility for the Sept. 11 attacks, but who diverted resources to an unbelievably irresponsible venture in Iraq.

That has already proved to be another Vietnam, an adventure with which I wish I wasn't so familiar. The American public has voted for a man who is devoted to rescinding all the liberties our founding fathers granted to us. Those liberties used to provoke envy among the nations of the world.

Now, I fear, they have given their support to an administration dedicated to corporate imperialism, unilateralism, and an utter contempt for the human values of compassion and inclusiveness.

I say "they" because I can no longer identify with the Americans I used to think of as "us." We are no longer a nation indivisible. We are a nation so bitterly divided that we can no longer relate to one another in civil discourse. This is the nation George W. Bush pledged to unite. One more failure to add to his list.

I have never considered leaving my native land, even under the worst abuses of the Nixon and Reagan administrations. It has always been my belief that we have the resilience to recover from disastrous misuses of power in the executive branch.

I no longer believe this is true. The right wing ideologues have successfully imposed their insanity upon this nation. They seem to think that the only way to counter Muslim fundamentalism is with Christian fundamentalism. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. This will render us all blind and toothless.

As a theologian of sorts, I claim to have some acquaintance with a Christian phenomenon known as the New Testament. The so-called Christians who have been elected to rule this land seem not to have heard of it. They ask what would Jesus do, and seem to think they know the answer. In my humble opinion, Jesus would be thoroughly revolted by what our self professed Christian leaders have done to this country and the world. It bears no relations to his teachings whatsoever.

I am sick and tired of defending my country against those who offer perfectly just criticisms. I am sick and tired of being identified as an imperialist warmonger just because I am American. I am sick and tired of being typecast as a capitalist greedhead who has no consideration of anything beyond next quarter's profit and loss statement.

In short, I don't want to be an American anymore. Just saying that moves me to tears. My family came to this country in 1627 and my direct ancestor wrote the words to our national anthem. I love this country beyond words, but it has been taken from me by evil men posing as patriots. Not one of them ever served this country in Vietnam as I did. Not one of them ever marched for civil rights as I did. Not one of them put their lives on the line for what this country stands for as I did.

I am fortunate in that I have a choice, although it is one that is extraordinarily hard. I can choose to marry my partner of six years and move to Canada, if I can find work there.

Unlike most Vietnam vets, I admire the courage of those men and women who chose to leave this country rather than fight an illegal and unjust war in that country. I didn't have the courage to leave then. I am older and wiser now. Perhaps it is time for me to leave and go to a country whose values more acccurately reflect my own.

A country which is inclusive and harbors no ambitions toward world domination. A country which provides health care to all its citizens. A country which does not seek to impose narrow religious values upon its diverse citizens. It is only 30 miles away.

And, quite frankly, its national anthem is a lot better than ours. Sorry, Uncle Francis. I have been considering for some time what I would do if the Bush theocracy was returned to power. It appears that it has happened.

I referred to the people who elected the Bush adminsitration as "they" because I can no longer identify with them as my fellow countrymen. I cannot identify with a nation of such delusional voters. I cannot identify with people who seem to share none of the values I thought were indisputably American.

So it is time for me to go. I cannot describe how painful it is to even contemplate leaving the land I love so much. But it would be even more painful for me to call myself American under a second Bush administration.

I will fight the good fight from outside in the hope that one day I can return and once again claim the title of American without the shame that has come to be associated with that term and which will only increase in the years to come.

I am sorry that those of you who feel the way that I do may not have the easy out that I have. You will undoubtedly do the best you can given the circumstances and I will support your efforts to change the dreadful events that have overtaken our country.

I have fought and lost too many battles to preserve the America I believe in. It is time for me to accept an honorable retirement. It is with great sadness that I go into exile. I no longer feel that I have any choice.

Sincerely,

Christopher

What have we wrought when we lose the descendants of our nation's forebears? What have we come to when we lose even our own heroes, our sons and fathers, our flesh and blood?

10:23:10 AM

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