Let's get it over with once and for all
From one of the real quality newspapers out there, a fresh report from Paris:
France: 'We Surrender Forever!'
French President Jacques Chirac has announced a plan for France to surrender retroactively in all of history's previous wars, and to preemptively surrender to all potential enemies in future armed conflicts.
Members of the French legislature unanimously signed the new Declaration of Capitulation. It contains language that announces France's immediate and unconditional surrender in all past and future international disputes, regardless of the circumstances.
"This will save so much time and effort," announced Chirac at a press conference in Paris. "We as French people historically have always had the same solution when threatened -- to give up. By surrendering now, we can cut back on our unnecessary military expenditures. Because we always eventually surrender anyway, we have truly been wasting this money."
However, the decision to surrender is about much more than saving money. "It is really about who we are as a people," explains French government spokesman Guy Belacque.
At least in a metaphysical way, this report is true.
PS: And in case you wonder, Napoleon was a Corsican, not French, and Zinedine Zidane is Algerian. That's my story, and I stick with it.
6:18:58 PM 
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