Jan Haugland: The Lutefisk Incident - Aftermath

Sexist correction

Tue, 08 May 2007 16:47:15 GMT

Google doesn't think there exists such a thing as a female inventor.

Tip via mail.

Canada renames and claims Norwegian island

Thu, 28 Dec 2006 12:18:18 GMT

I wrote about the sinister NORAD conspiracy some days ago, and now the plot thickens. On its NORAD Tracks Santa site, you way notice the northernmost star being placed on the Norwegian arctic island Svalbard, strangely enough indicating two sightings on a very sparsely populated island. Svalbard people are obviously very nice. But, when you hover over the star, it says King William Island, Nunavut, Canada! That is very far from Svalbard.

NORAD, you will remember, is a cooperation between Canada and the United States. And now Canada is claiming a bit of Norwegian territory. Well, Canadians, you weren't too lucky against the Danes, and this trick is not going to go over well, either.

The sinister NORAD-NASA conspiracy

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 09:03:39 GMT

I just had to share this, posted by MG1962 on the JREF CT forum:

One of the corner stones of 9-11 conspiracy theories is the lack of interception by NORAD of the offending aircraft.

Rather than seeing this organiastion as a group of super trained miltary personal, maybe the answer is both a lot simpiler and darker:

NORAD does not have a clue how to actually conduct an intercept! By their own admission they have failed to intercept a particular violation of US and Canadian airspace for nearly 50 years.

They even boast how easy it is to find the offending craft. Yet I ask again:
Why no shoot down?

Well, carefull examination of the evidence at hand has proved to me beyond a doubt that an American led conspiracy is at hand. Through exhaustive interviewing of witnesses. I have discovered that the offending vehicle is actually a secret operation, fully supported by NASA.

Shocking.

Also, in an interview with Santa he admitted ordering someone called Rudolph to "pull it."

What more do we need?

Lutefisk and racist trouble for Miss Viking

Fri, 12 May 2006 15:19:21 GMT

Seventeen-year-old Jasmine Campbell (picture) has been selected Miss Viking Fest 2006 in the town of Poulsbo, Wa, for her reportedly brilliant stand-up act about lutefisk.

"What do you do if you have rats in your house?" said Campbell in a well-rehearsed Norwegian accent. "You throw lutefisk under your porch. In a couple of weeks, you'll be rid of the rats, but you'll have 10 to 12 Norwegians living under your house."

The problem, at least in the eyes of some local inbred retards, was that she is half-black and half-Hispanic, adopted into a Scandinavian-American family. The hate-mail, I am happy to say, backfired badly and the community is unified in support of the girl.

That's a good happy ending there, except that Jasmine has now been pressured into actually trying lutefisk herself.

Poulsbo was settled by Norwegian loggers and fisherman in the late 1800s. In 1916, the Sons of Norway opened its doors and the lodge still serves a well-attended traditional Norwegian lunch called Caffe Skua on Wednesdays.

The library has a permanent exhibit called the Scandinavian Collection. And until a few years ago, Norwegian was still spoken in many of the bakeries and shops, said [former Sons of Norway Lodge president Lloyd] Cleven.

Cleven and his brethren at the lodge said they had only one request of Campbell: that she try lutefisk as a rite of initiation.

Campbell, who said the negative e-mails made her stronger and taught her that there will always be people with something negative to say, said she'd be more than happy to comply.

"I'll eat lutefisk," she said. "I ate a whole pig's tongue at camp to win an Xbox. My breath smelled for two days, but I won."

There's a tough girl there, who'd make an old viking proud.

It is a distressing fact, but surely one that goes back to Wagner at least, that Nazis and other racist groups claim some viking heritage, and that they have this fetish for Norse mythology. The vikings, obviously, were not racists at all. They believed in equal opportunity raping and pillaging. So there!

What were they thinking with?

Sat, 18 Mar 2006 10:11:42 GMT

Two teen vandals in Austria has been caught after causing damage to the Linz High School, because they left behind, well, not exactly a mug shot.

Threats against teachers were scrawled across walls, holes drilled in floors, ketchup smeared on desks, gym equipment destroyed and windows smashed.

And as a final touch, they photocopied their bottoms on the school machine and left the pictures on display in the staff room.

But police were able to catch the pair after enlarging the pictures.

Police spokesman Helmut Palfi said: "By enlarging the pictures we were able to make out part of their faces in the background. Their headmaster immediately recognised them as two 15-year-old pupils at the school."

Good thing he didn't recognise them on the bums.

I need that!

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 18:05:13 GMT

The ultimate PC accessory.

Whisky PC

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 00:59:18 GMT

A tall ship on a bottle is old news. A PC on a bottle of Ballantine's Whisky is definately something new!

I bet he didn't start the work right after emptying the bottle...

God Smites Secular Blasphemy (obviously)

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 15:50:17 GMT

Now that is some serious flaming!

Yes, it's weekend.

Hat tip Dan.

Study: Male bats trade intelligence for big equipment

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 09:53:46 GMT

I hope this is not true for humans:

For some male bats, sexual prowess comes with a price — smaller brains. A research team led by Syracuse University biologist Scott Pitnick found that in bat species where the females are promiscuous, the males boasting the largest testicles also had the smallest brains. Conversely, where the females were faithful, the males had smaller testes and larger brains.

"It turns out size does matter," said Pitnick, whose findings were published in December in "Proceedings of the Royal Society: Biological Science," an online journal.

The study offers evidence that males — at least in some species — make an evolutionary trade-off between intelligence and sexual prowess, said David Hoskens, a biologist at the Centre for Ecology and Conservation at the University of Exeter in England and a leading authority on bats' mating behavior.

Hmm. What does this say about the priorities of female bats?

Bringing dignity to the British parliament

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 17:23:22 GMT

Gorgeous George Galloway is at it again. Celebrity Big Brother provides an endless supply of pictures and videos you'd kill to never be exposed to. Well, sorry.

The Guardian runs a caption contest for the above picture (another version at Stockholm Spectator).

I think it speaks for itself.

PS: If you missed George being a cat, and somehow regret that, you can catch up.

Update: The London Evening Standard writes George sinks to new low. I don't actually think that is true, but low it is.

Blonde joke

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 16:45:04 GMT

Oh, I agree that this is definitely the best blonde joke ever.

Via Hjorten.

Corduroy trousers banned

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 18:40:06 GMT

It's not often you'll read fashion tips on these pages, but here is one for the guys: Don't wear corduroy trousers. In fact, if you are an English cabbie, wearing them may cost you your license. The Telegraph adds the following devastating comment:

Corduroy's place in the fashion stakes has been a matter of debate for years. At present, it is quite an "in" material for women but, for men, it has often been linked to dishevelled, Left-leaning polytechnic lecturers in sandals.

GQ magazine in America once said of it: "Despite the verticality of the stripes, corduroy will make you look like a sausage. And the sound of your legs rubbing together may invite violence on your person."

Ouch.

Now this is real catblogging

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 17:42:39 GMT

Ripley the Cat has way too much time on its paws.

Thanks, Dan. Apologies to Noni for comment rip-off.

Christmas comes early

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 14:28:19 GMT

If you search Amazon for the word 'Christmas', the second hit that comes up is Crotchless French Knickers (not entirely work safe).

Some of us feel the Christmas spirit already!

Via Fark.

F*gs!

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 15:33:20 GMT

According to those who claim to know, God hates a lot. But maybe you didn't know that God hates figs? Yes, the spelling is right.

Via comment from Marg.

It's not too early to think about 2006

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 15:46:11 GMT

And you just can't beat this 2006 cow abductions wall calendar!

Via email.

Security is for wimps

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 13:10:03 GMT

Some really funny (and slightly scary) photos: Why women live longer than men.

Via email from my friend Carlo.

Man stops car alarm with three gunshots

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 15:26:16 GMT

I admit the thought has occured to me at 4 AM in the morning.

A man annoyed by a noisy car alarm fired at least three bullets into a Toyota Camry, silencing the alarm and bringing out police who hauled him away in handcuffs, authorities said.

David Owen Rye, 48, was arrested and booked for investigation of reckless discharge of a firearm and felony vandalism, Sgt. John Adamczyk said. Rye allegedly told officers he grabbed his handgun and went out to put a stop to the car alarm.

Like the owner of the shot car, sailor Nicholas Moreno, said, "that's not a safe guy."

You know your bank hates you when...

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 10:31:29 GMT

Chris Lancaster of Essex must have a distinct feeling that his NatWest bank doesn't appreciate him as a customer. How else can you interpret receiving a cash card issued to "Mr C Lancaster Dick Head"?

Mr Lancaster said he did not spot the insult until he was handing over the card in a supermarket to pay for something a few days after it arrived in the post.

"I couldn't believe it," he said.

"When I got the card out I saw the name embossed on it. I was so embarrassed I put it back in my wallet.

"I know I've been overdrawn a few times but I've done nothing to deserve this."

Deafult on a loan, and imagine what happens!

The bank has profoundly apologised and is launching an investigation.

German fries getting shorter

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 09:37:12 GMT

High unemployment, a stagnant economy, and now this.

Where will it all end? As if Germans weren't suffering enough from cuts to their quality of life, now the guilty pleasure of snacking on "pommes" is also under attack as french fries get shorter.

No wonder the US soldiers are being moved out.

Google Moon

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 02:25:26 GMT

Commemorating the first Moon landing, which took place on July 20, 1969, Google has launched Google Moon, inspired by Google maps. If you zoom in completely, you'll be impressed with the level of detail of the Moon's surface.

Go ahead and try. I'm waiting here.

The Newsweek lutefisk desecration story

Wed, 18 May 2005 11:44:25 GMT

From Iowahawk:

The debris-strewn streets of this remote Midwestern hamlet remain under a tense 24-hour curfew tonight, following weekend demonstrations by rock- and figurine-throwing Lutheran farm wives that left over 200 people injured and leveled the Whippy Dip dairy freeze. The rioting appeared to be prompted, in part, by a report in Newsweek magazine claiming military guards at Spirit Lake’s notorious Okoboji internment center had flushed lutefisk down prison toilets. Newsweek’s late announcement of a retraction seems to have done little to quell the inflamed passions of Lutheran insurgents in the region, as outbreaks of violent mailbox bashings and cow tippings have been reported from Bowbells, North Dakota to Pekin, Illinois.

Whether the violence was triggered by Newsweek’s report of lutefisk desecration or frustration over chronic shortages of Beanie Babies and Old Style, one thing seems certain – occupying U.S. troops face a steep road to reestablish trust in this tinderbox of ancient hatreds and delicious dairy products.

This was obviously a fake story. Anyone with knowledge of lutefisk will be aware there is no way, ever, you can successfully flush it down a toilet without causing a serious disaster to the plumbing and general environment.

Via Norwegian blogger Øyvind Larssen.

Polly cracks me up

Fri, 13 May 2005 18:13:06 GMT

This is one of the most hilarious video clips I've seen (Windows Media, sound pretty essential).

Is that for real? Can you really train a parrot that well? Wow.

Dead pet gives extra points on exam

Mon, 09 May 2005 00:26:27 GMT

In England, students get extra points if family members or even pets have recently died:

Students sitting a GSCE or A-level examination -- the equivalent of junior and senior high school exams in other countries -- will get a maximum extra five percent for the recent death of a parent or close family member.
The passing of a more distant family member could add four percent to the final grade.
An extra two percent awaits students whose pet dies on examination day, going down to one percent if the pet died the day before.
Witnessing a distressing event on examination day is worth an extra three percent, as is a freshly broken limb or asthma attack. Suffering from hay fever merits two percent, and a headache one percent.

Growing up in a crazy society gives no extra points, though.

Science identifies massive threat to pope's intelligence

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 15:46:22 GMT

AP: Pope Receives More Than 56,000 E-Mails

The Register: Email destroys the mind faster than marijuana - study