Saturday Night is, without a doubt, the worst night on television threatened only by Monday and Tuesday. Maybe the point is to secure the last nail in the coffin that is "Saturday Night Alone". I don't know what they expect, this is L.A. for God's sake, not Berlin in the Thirties. I'm a happy camper staying in by myself, I just wish there was better stuff on TV.

Men In Black (yeah, the first four times), Air Force One (oh yeah, that would be Dubya) and Cops. I watched bits of the 40th Year at The Improv, Ellen Degeneres looking like the BIGGEST dyke during an old clip they showed of her about a million years ago. It's odd how now that she's "out" she looks less "out" than she did when she "wasn't out". It's very confusing but there are a few easy rules.

One, mullet haircut = out. Baggy loud pants = out. Silk blouse buttoned to the top = out. Anything Paula Poundstone might wear = out.

I'm sure the attention was very flattering to someone but you know what? Not that funny. Actually pretty creepy given how clichéd all the routines were. Jay Leno was a host, need I say more?

10:56:57 PM    sro home /

"Brian Dunkleman's not returning to American Idol."

"Really? Well that's a shame."

"Yeah, offered him six figures and everything but he's leaving to pursue 'TV and film opportunities'."

"Wow. Good for him. Now which one was Brian Dunkleman?"

"The dark haired one."

"The dorky one."

"Exactly."

"Dorky Dunkleman."

"Bet he's never heard that before."

"Tough burden to bear, a name like Dunkleman. Isn't he the one everyone hated?"

"Everyone hated all of them."

"Oh. Well that's no fun. Nowhere to go but up I guess. What's the other one's name?"

"Ryan Seacrest."

"The blond."

"Ish. Blond-ish."

"Did people hate him too?"

"Yes, but for different reasons."

"Ah."

"Brian supposedly had issues with pushing Coke."

"He was an addict?"

"Not coke, Coke."

"What about the cars?"

"The whole Ford thing? That was lame too."

"I thought the whole point was they pushed things."

"Who knows. Maybe he can't drink Coke."

"Dorky Dunkleman. Hey, Dunky, you can't even drink Coke!"

"You love that, don't you?"

"Of course."

"You'd have been right there..."

"Uh huh."

"... pushing him around on the schoolground."

"I wouldn't have pushed him."

"Poor Brian."

"Oh please. He's one step away from a Carnival Barker."

"Barky Dunky."

"Ok."

"Hey Dunkster! Arf! Arf! Arf!"

"I got it. Movement, please. Party's over, everyone keep moving."

9:59:13 AM    sro home /

Firefly was on at 11, after the news and all the brew-ha about the demonstration. If I had not known it was a "network" show, I would have thought it was a cable show like "Xena" or "VIP". Without all the Lesbo touchs, natch. but just as cheesy.

Tonight introduced a new "character", the too-good-to-be-true nympho-bride of the captain. As a general rule, things labeled "too-good-to-be" usually are and she's no exception. Who's behind this "back-stabbing evil bitch" phase TV's going through? Yes, it adds some tension to things but isn't it a little misoginist? Women are always the scheming villians while men are the easy prey.

This girl is Carrie without the corsage, coming onto anything and everyone in her quest to be a Super-Glamazon. The Registered Companion, or hooker as she's known to us Earthlings, has obviously been privey to this kind of ambition before. She states the girl was trained at the "Acadamy" where future hookers graduate. Maybe it's a Devry course, along with Auto Mechanic and Interior Design, but the girl got hold of the entry-level "position". Miss Thing "Registered Companion" was not having it. The bitch was after her man and we all know God don't like ugly. You don't know me... you don't know who I am!

Sorry, got all Jerry Springer there. Meanwhile, Evil Scheming Hooker Bitch gets away cause, after all, we're all just trying to make a livin'. Indian-Goddess-Hooker-Woman is starting to devolop some extra-credit courses at the Acadamy for the Capt.and I'm still waiting for the Pony Express.

12:02:55 AM    sro home /