As my mother would say, "That Lara Flynn Boyle, she is a piece of work". No kiddin'. She certainly holds the crown for Queen Bitch/Lawyer/Glamazon , especially now that Ally McBeal and her gang are out of the picture. Supposedly in "real life" she's very tiny, per the norm since all celebrities always seem smaller in the flesh, little mini-me's of their on-screen image.

Boyle's on-screen persona is the size of Mothra, if he had brows arched and plucked like the Evil Queen in Snow White. Her entire image is a designer wet-dream: monied (some how), understated, drop-dead gorgeous and a taste for neutrals. Plus she's a lawyer, a District Attorney at that, primed and ready for a Donna Karan ad.

And she dated Jack Nicholson. Ew. But you know, he's probably really smart and incredibly charming and she's used to men being scared shitless by her looks and he's smooth and she's savvy and there you go. Good for them.

She lies when she plays the D.A.. Just out and out lies, knowing that when you look like she does people will probably believe you. One little pucker and men and women alike are clamoring to confess anything. She doesn't interrogate, she intimidates with her looks. If I was a jury member and in walked Super-Model-District-Lawyer-Bitch, I'd eat it up too and with Boyle, there's not one ounce of fat.

10:50:06 PM    sro home /

I just saw a whole spiel about the new James Bond Movie. Halle Berry plays a character called "Jynx". I assume it's with a "y" although I haven't read anything about it. It could be "Jeencks" or "Gynks". Whatever it is, it looks real bootylicioius even if I doubt I'll go to the theater and see it. I was never a Bond-y and now that every possible Hollywood Ante has been upped - the CG, the basic amount of damage, the stunts - it's alot for any one man to handle.

Madonna's supposedly singing the title song, adding her name to the short list including Shirley Bassey and Carly Simon. Quick - name two things Carly Simon and Madonna share? Tick, tick, tick...

The Blond One is also making a cameo, christening her an Official Bond Girl. Note to self: where are the Bond Boys? Where would they be? Where is Jaimy Bond?

It's a Hugh Hefner Notion but being quaint isn't an appealing motive to sit in a theater.

Thing Number Two : "You're So Vain" was reputed to be about several Hollywood Types, Warren Beatty among them. Madge did him, as documented in the film about her tour.

6:31:21 PM    sro home /

Test. Testing... one, two, three... testing...

Good afternoon and welcome to the First Annual Standing Room Only Pride Parade. Thank you for coming and a special thanks to "Dykes With Tykes" for their help. Bringing water bottles up front with strollers was a good idea and Rudy and Barbara put those thighs to good use.

Before I start, I have an announcement. Would the owner of the lime green Beetle please remove your Pride Flag. It's blocking the view of the news-copters, so if you could just tone it down a bit. I see quite a few of you getting up for this one.

Is there anything else about the Beetle? Someone get me some info. Anything?

I've just been told the car has a rainbow sticker across the rear window. No help? Hold on... oh, there's a Log Cabin sticker too. There you go, that narrows it down.

Well move the car, honey. Just lose the flag, I think we all know you're gay.

First, I'd like to welcome our Grand Marshall, Tom Cruise, let's give him a big hand folks. What? Oh. Ok, nix the Tom Cruise thing. Our lawyers inform us, and I quote, "Not in this lifetime." Put's a spin on the whole Buddist thing.

Let's all rise and dance to the Standing Room Only Anthem : "Pull Up To The Bumper" - Grace Jones, natch.

While you're dancing, I'll talk.

I've seen Grace Jones perform about a ga-zillion times. The first time was at an old New York Club called the "Paradise Garage". The Garage was actually in, well, an old garage. The entrance was at the top of a ramp where the trucks had once driven.

The club's clientle was mainly Puerto Rican and Black and the music was as good as it got. This was where House music was born, created by DJs Larry Levine, Frankie Knuckles and Junior Vasquez. The Saint was still open and it was the Cruise Disco of choice. The Saint's music was less blues influenced and while lots of men were dancing, the movement was a result of drugs, not always urgency.

At the Garage, however, you went because you needed to dance. You didn't have to care with who, for who or when who, you just did it. I usually arrived "early" - three or four in the morning - and the music played well up to eleven or twelve Sunday morning.

Around six, the crowd would be hopping, pumping, breathing together in one huge writhing primal being. The DJ would begin a song everyone knew and there would be a HUGE roar, everyone rushing to the dancefloor or just standing where they were and shaking a Groove Thing.

When I first started going, I was one of a handful of white boys. As "mainstream" music began to embrace House, the crowd began to get more integrated and sprinkled with Chelsea Boys.

Before that happened, I was lucky enough to see Grace Jones perform. The show was rumored to start at four but true to form, she finally started singing around six. There was an enormous chair sitting on stage on a large disk. The music began, "La Vie En Rose" and the platform began to slowly turn. As the chair began to face us, we saw Grace Jones sitting strewn across the arms. She continued singing, barely moving, I don't even know if she could move, as the chair slowly revolved and she dissappeared. It was sexy, bewitching and High Camp. I hope the other people there enjoyed it as much as I did.

Are you still dancing? You go girl. Work, work, work.

3:55:04 PM    sro home /

Last night was the Season Premiere of Saturday Night Live with Matt Damon and Bruce Springsteen. After about ten minutes, I turned it off and put them out of their misery, despite wanting to see Bruce and the Gang sing. The Matt Damon phenomena is a complete mystery to me, as is Ben Affleck for that matter. Ok, the guy won an Oscer for Good Will Hunting - a feel-good movie of the week with Robin Williams lauded for basically just shutting up. Since this blip on the screen, I haven't been particularly interested in anything he's done.

The Bourne Identity remains unseen by me so far, despite my enjoyment of the director's earlier flicks, Swingers and Go. Maybe when I eventually rent it, I'll be dumbstruck by Damon's keen acting and innate grasp of the action hero genre. My guess is he'll more likely come across as another X-Box character in the making.

Before I pulled the plug last night, Damon had managed to squeeze in two "fag" jokes. Oh, he says them in this "I'm cool about it and just making fun of my own masculinity" kind of way. However, he's not that masculine and given the gossip about his and Affleck's relationship, it's slippery ground. His guest appearance on Will and Grace last season was an obvious play to whatever queers find him attractive but it wasn't a very convincing attempt and I was left feeling used as a PR tool. It's apparently become part of his "schtick", "Ha, ha, ha... everyone thinks I'm gay but I'm not because if I were would I joke about it".

Well I don't think he's gay, I hope he's not. If he is and this is how he's handling it, someone needs to sit him down and have a Big Mo Moment, hold his hand and say "Girlfriend, it's ok. Just breath." Affleck has decided to attatch himself to J.Lo. - Grand PooBah of the Hollywood Fag Hags - and maybe the exclusion makes Damon antsy. At any rate, Matt's routine isn't going to get him laid, by anyone, and if anything just walks around a dead horse that's already been beat.

11:59:34 AM    sro home /